Sunday, June 23, 2013

Does Optimus Prime make my butt look big? sent me a petition email. There was a picture of the Hasbro logo, and it said "Click here to read more about this petition". Naturally, I clicked "read more".

I was sent to a page that thanked me for singing a petition I never actually read about. And now it won't let me remove my signature.

The petition is about how we should force Hasbro to include more girls in their Transformers line, so that girls feel more included in a boys' program.

Here's a list of reasons why I want my name OFF this petition immediately:

1. Are we this petty as a society now? Do our girls really need this? Do we really need a hunk of pink plastic to make our girls feel better about being female??

Let me be clear. I am a woman. Always have been female. I was born a girl and yes, I do have much in stereotypical pink.

When I was four, I had a Micro Machines Optimus Prime. I wasn't big on Transformers, but I loved Optimus. I had great fun changing him from a vehicle to a robot and vice versa.

I was totally fine with my red, white and blue Optimus.

I didn't need pink sparkle glitter or detachable boob missiles to make me feel better about playing with a boys' toy.

Playing with Optimus Prime did not make me feel inferior as a sex or less girly. He was a tiny piece of plastic, I was a human being. This was our relationship, and that seems to be just fine.

I didn't grow up confused about my vagina, and I didn't need a support group to tell me how to feel about Optimus Prime.

2. Wikipedia has a list of female Transformers a mile long. Arcee for example transforms into a badass motorcycle. Some of them have boyish, amazing names too, like Firestar (also a Marvel character who rips off of DC's Starfire), Override, Airazor, Solus Prime and Red Alert.

Even the Japanese Transformers ~ known to be VERY male oriented ~ has several strong, independent, female transformers. They are all easy to find, and serve the same purpose as the males.

3. It is unfair that we demand these boy shows to suddenly up the ante on Girl Power, when we still allow the Barbie, Bratz, Moxie, My Little Pony and Monster High lines to teach little girls that boys are nothing more than accessories.

Think hard. Ken doesn't have a car. Ken rarely has a job and when he does, it's a stereotypical job like doctor or fitness trainer.

The Bratz Boyz have NO empowering positions, and are actually made to look like emasculated victims of abuse. They hide behind the Bratz Girlz, never speak unless told to, and are often seen wearing their girlfriendz' hand-me-downs. Again, no jobs, no stature. These Boyz are on the same level as Yasmin's purse.

The boy Ponies are usually brought out for the holiday season, but are relegated to the background of the cartoon. They have no power whatsoever.

And when was the last time you saw a boy getting equal treatment in Strawberry Shortcake? Think hard, she suffers from reverse Smurf disease. There is ONE boy per town ~ and he looks like one of the girls with different hair.

4. We need to teach little girls that it's not okay to force a boy line to be all about girl power, and then not do the same for boy power with a girls line.

We need to teach girls to accept that it's okay to play with something that has boy colors on it. Accept that not everything needs a princess tiara. If we don't teach them to accept boys or boy toys as children, when will they learn? We can't enable gender resentment just because Optimus Prime likes to have a boy's night out once in a while.

We need to tell kids that it's okay to have at least ONE toy that is specifically suited for their gender. That they are not less sensitive to another child for liking something gender-specific.

Above all, I'd like to think that we are at a point where we can tell little girls that it's okay for them to play with Optimus Prime, without needing him to be a woman, or in stereotypical pink, purple and yellow plastic.

... And when did purple and yellow stop being gender neutral?

When I was a kid, yellow and purple baby toys were bought when you wanted to throw a baby shower, but didn't know the gender of the unborn yet. It was also for children who were both genders. When did this change?

Think rationally America.

If your daughter needs a pink sparkle transformer to feel better about being a girl, then maybe it's time you set aside some time to have a chat with her.

Something is very wrong if she needs to have a sparkly, pink hunk of plastic to accept herself.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Money is no excuse for stupidity, but we'll pretend it is!

I live by a simple, honest ideology.

Money is NOT an excuse for stupidity.

Sure, it's a nice shade of green, and right now I could use an elephant's butthole full of it, (not that I go elephant butthole fishing mind you, but you have the idea) but it is still just a tool. You collect it, and then give it away to pay for things, like food and shelter and electricity.

But it's a tool. Like a shovel.

If I do something stupid, I can't in good faith ask you to accept it, because I have a shovel, can I? Money is no different. It too is a tool, and can't be used as a crutch for ignorance.

Let me show you a few examples.

Example #1:
Wal*Mart underpays it's employees, giving them a wage not even befitting the poverty line. The employees are working 10-18 hour shifts, with no benefits.

A responsible adult says "Hey! That's not fair."

A non-Walmart-employee-who-has-never-even-worked-there says "Um um.... JUST SHUT UP OKAY??? Wal*Mart makes money, so SHUT UP!!"

Example #2:
The WWE fires Matt Striker. Now nobody seems to be at fault, this was not a stupid idea, and it looks like a friendly parting of the ways, so don't expect me to point fingers.

I say "Well.. outside of the one DVD set I saw on Netflix, I can't say they really did much with him this past year." And leave the statement of fact right there. Not one finger is pointed, nobody is blamed. All I did was state the obvious. I didn't even use a cross word.

A non-WWE-employee says "HEY!! He MADE money, SHUT UP!!!"

Are we seeing a pattern yet? Here's another.

Example #3:
A dude in new York hits a pedestrian with his car.
He is caught, and has to go to court.
Everyone agrees this is normal.

A dude in Chicago hits a pedestrian with his car.
He is caught and shot.
People argue if the shooting went too far, but agree that he did a wrong and justice was served.

Justin Bieber hits a pedestrian. 
Um um... SHUT UP JEALOUS FUGLY HOE!! He's gotz monayz and you jeaous. HA HA!!

Do you see what has happened here?

We train ourselves and our children as a society to believe... no... pretend, that if someone does something you don't like or that hurts people, it's 100% okay, normal and you should copy it, because they have money.

When did this start?

Let's pretend that a bodybuilder is kicking a newborn puppy. The puppy is tiny, defenseless, and was just minding his own business, not even barking, when suddenly, this heartless behemoth comes barreling out of nowhere, and punts the puppy across the street.

Of course if you saw the bodybuilder kicking the puppy, you will want to step in and say "CUT IT OUT!!" or you're whip out the smart phone and call the police. You'd yell and scream, so that other people can see the situation, and get the bodybuilder to stop kicking the puppy.

Now let's imagine the bodybuilder is a movie star. An athlete, a singer. Someone with money.

What then?

Do you continue to do the right thing, and tell him to stop kicking the puppy?


Seeing he has a Wikipedia page about him, do you tell everyone dialing 911 "Um Um err um... SHUT UP OKAY LOSER??? He's got MONEY. He KNOWS what he's doing and you don't. He's making money, SHUT UP!!" And then prattle praise for him while he plays hackeysack with the baby animal?

This is where we are as a society. Fame and fortune are now the Get-Out-Of-Adult-Responsibility card for those in power.

We let companies like Monsanto poison us to death, simply because they have cash.

We let companies like Viacom tell our children to view education as the devil himself, and act sexy before they're even tweens, because they have status.

We let celebrities openly break the law, putting innocent lives at risk, because they have Wikipedia pages about them.

We are too permissive, and yet at the same time, too hateful.

The whistle-blowing citizens and the poor have fingers pointed at them. We tell the children to jeer at them, make up lies and hurt them, view them as the enemy, while anybody with a verified Twitter account is encouraged to to unto others whatever they want.

We need to start acting like human beings again, and stop permitting bad behavior based on status.

The chemicals we have in our food is helping us to grow more wool than a sheep in winter.

But that doesn't mean we have to act like them.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Now how does AT&T respond to my blog?

So two days after writing my humorous but sadly, accurate AT&T post, we get a package at the door for a Pace 4111N router.

We are told that the first problem was that the year-old 2WIRE modem I had before is "Ew. So old" and that 2WIRE products outside of the cheap, plastic stand, are no longer sold by AT&T. They are 2WIRE free.

To confirm, I actually did go to their website, and sure enough, not even a mention is left on the page.

What we were NOT told is that the Pace 4111N Router, is made in China by a company without a website (at least not one found by Google) and is... in fact... a 2WIRE.

AT&T bought out the company initially responsible for 2WIRE products, and have sent the tech specs out to some random place in China, so that new, black 2WIRES can be built, but under different name brands. Isn't that awesome?

Also, the Pace 4111N that we got is a year old. Had we not gotten a hardship discount for the blown service, it would have been $100. Thankfully ours was free of charge.

Set the box up and for a few hours, we had slow, then normal internet speed. The box lights keep blinking, and I have no clue if this is normal.

A dude from AT&T was parked outside. Apparently, someone from AT&T installed "something new" and fiddled with wires they shouldn't have... which blew out phone and internet for 4 blocks worth of people. I can't make that up. What the Hell did you have installed, a NASA station???

So everything "seemed" fine........................... until I tried to relax by playing on my Nintendo DS Lite.

........... No connection.

Error code 51300.

No WEP key.

Okay, no problem. Let me type in the WEP key........... and I shit you not, the number 666 is in the title.
Not like THAT'S suspicious or anything.

So I type in the key and the SSID number. Nothing.

My brother tries his 3DS, saying that maybe because my DS was used and a series one model, that this is why it can't connect.

............... Nada.

This is insane. The Roku and Mama's laptop are picking up just fine. No issues at all. But the handhelds are rejecting the WEP key.

So I go to Nintendo's support page. My router is nowhere to be found. 

I Google the router.

There is no manufacturer's website.
There is no Facebook.

Instead there are two straight pages of comments on Best Buy, about this thing dropping signal, freezing and taking the computers attached hostage, and not picking up anything ~ I dunno ~ fun, like a Nintendo.

So I hit up AT&T's website, they have instructions on how to hook up a PS3, PS2, XBOX 360 and the Wii, but that's it. No other video game consoles. Isn't it awesome how they stay up to date?

10:35 at night, my mom gets a call on her cell phone. I can't believe my ears, it's AT&T. 10:35 at night??? Holy cow, I am amazed. The call is to see if we got the box. My mom explains the issues with the Nintendos.

The work around?

1. Open Browser
2. Enter code
3. Go through entire modem.
4. Change everything
5. Scroll down
6. Re-write code
7. Save Changes
8. Enter new password, change password to WEP key.
9. Now reconfigure every freaking device in the house, because it will deactivate internet connection.
10. Keep AT&T number handy in case the phone goes out again. (I want you to read that one out loud.)

He also said twice that there is NO guarantee that we'd actually get back service for ANY device, but it's something to do.

Total time according to the 10:35 at night AT&T tech? An hour or so.

................................................................................... Or I could get a new service.

EDIT: My mother adds:

You forgot to mention that at TWO separate times in the conversation with this tech, he DID mention that IF I choose to do this, AT&T is NOT responsible for my service derping out on a permanent level AND that this has a good percentage of not working at all AND taking out the existing service that we currently juuuuust got back.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

America wants dead women, and only live babies so we can have dead soldiers. The Bible is NOT a shield.

Some days, I hate that I was born a woman.

It's no different from being a caged animal.

Everyone wants to control the body God gave you, but nobody wants to help you when you need them.

It's evil to be a woman in America. I sin every time I breathe.

No redemption for a uterus.

You point out what people do and say, and they call YOU stupid or crazy.

Pretend that they know better than you, because they don't have your uterus.

Pretend that not knowing anything about a woman's life or basic science for that matter, makes them Holy.

"Even rape babies deserve more than YOU" That's what we teach our children to say.

We teach them that hate = love.

Until it's their daughter who needs help, it's "fuck you whore" until you die.

And people tell VIRGINS they're whores now!

Newborn virgins.

Everyone hid behind their Bibles and forced your mom to have you, but as soon as you live, you are a welfare whore.


Because Mommy needed Government aid after nobody would hire her.

Because she decided to give birth to you.

After we bullied her, and called her a murderer if she even thought about an abortion.

But now you live.

But you're on welfare?

Fuck you, whore.

We tell babies this now.
I fear for any future daughters, nieces or granddaughters I may have.

Assuming I don't die trying to birth one.

I'll try to live for my future children. I do want to see their faces as they grow. Want to hold them, and nurture them, teach them to respect the other gender as if it was their own, so I have no child beating his/her spouse, and knowing only love. I dream of this.

But I fear if they will live under the oppression I see right now.

I fear they will be told what my society tells me.

"Shut up whore. Don't oppress my way of thinking while I'm trying to oppress you."

I'm scared if my children turn out to be girls.

I pray they don't see the world I deal with.

I pray they never know from accidental or forced pregnancies.

I pray. Who listens?

Someone ought to, for them, right?

Maybe that's why I blog. So I can better the world they might have.

Just a little.

A woman can imagine, can't she?

Or is that not allowed?
A woman has sex, but her lover either didn't use a condom or his protection broke.

It's her fault.

What? Are you trying to get a job? Public aid? An abortion or someone to adopt this THING you weren't ready for? Section 8 housing that's bigger than your one bedroom apartment in case you do want to be a mom after all?

You're a whore.

Fucking stupid whore. I hope you die.

Let me Facebook about it.

What? CHURCH aid? Don't be stupid. The church can't save you now. We can pray, but we'll be too busy talking behind your back to offer support.

You're a sinner.
A woman in America gets raped.

Her attackers generally go free, or have a minimal sentence, while she has hate pages about her on Facebook. "Die Whore" is painted over her picture, and she is told it was her fault.

"What did you do to get raped? This MUST be YOUR fault", chides the cops.

She has to PROVE she was attacked, PROVE she wasn't at fault.

While her attackers make fun of her on Twitter.

What do we tell her?

Get over it. Move on. Stop crying.

A woman becomes pregnant due to rape. We force her to pay for nine months of prenatal care ~ BUT ~ we refuse to help her get a job. Why? Because pregnant women are risks. Nobody wants to be sued if she miscarries.

So she's jobless.

She tries to apply for welfare or food stamps?

♫ Welfare WHORE Welfare WHORE milking the system die die die ♪ sing total strangers on Facebook.
If she gives it up for adoption? She's immature. Can't take care of anything.
If she has an abortion? She's a murderous whore.

The Government loves to outsource our jobs, so she can't have one.

Slash her pay, so she earns the same as a modern day slave.

Kill medical bills and clinics that keep her alive.

Slash medical research.

Restrict what she can do in public.

Nobody cares if she has an ectopic pregnancy.

Nobody cares if she can't afford nine months of prenatal care or a child.

Nobody cares if she dies.

In fact, people love it when she dies. They make pages about it on Facebook, celebrating her death with Clorox coupons.
Everyone pretends they're doing this for God, ignoring how pro-choice he is in the Bible. (Ask a Canaanite)

Ignoring passage after passage where he allowed Moses, and many more men to rip open wombs, stab women, and placed curses on whole families for their sins.

Ignoring the separation of church and state, in the name of someone they don't actually know. A stipulation Jesus actually would like, since he wasn't too big on churches himself.

No, let's ignore the facts. Woman is the problem. Fuck her.
But if she does have a baby? The baby is a welfare whore.

George Carlin said it best. They want live babies so they can have dead soldiers.

When these unwanted "whore" babies grow up? We push them into the military.

We make up reasons for them to die for our "freedom".

You know, the very thing a woman does not have.


Women don't deserve that word.

Especially not for the body they were born with.

Fuck her, she was born to be a whore.

And when we can't fuck her anymore.................

We turn on our boys.

Then what?

Monday, June 17, 2013

Thank you for calling AT&T

Ever wonder why people go mad? This is why.

Call #1:
Thank you for calling AT&T. We have detected that you are having a problem. 

Yes, I see a problem is what you are having. Now that we have established there is a problem, you should be happy customer now, because I acknowledge that a problem without resolution at all is in your grasp. You have a problem and we see the problem. 

Thank you and have a good day. *CLICK*

Call #2:
Thank you for calling AT&T yet again, because in acknowledging that you have a problem, we didn't actually fix it, we just accepted it as part of our U-Verse, which we have a sale on right now.

We are experiencing a high volume of calls, all linked with us cutting phonelines in your area, jamming signals and letting our highly trained professionals chew on your broadband links. We will now ask you to check every phone in the house to see if they are off the hook. 

Of course they are not, and there is nothing wrong with the phones themselves, but at AT&T, we enjoy wasting as much time as possible. 

We will also tell you to do a Power-Cycle, whereby you turn off the computer, unplug everything, and then plug it all back in. This also won't fix your non-internet-based phoneline, but it gives you something to do while we eat SubWay and fiddle on a copy of computer solitaire from 1995.

Thank you for calling your friends at AT&T. Even though you paid your bill before it was due, we will now take the time to tell you how you can pay us double for half the service.

Call #3:
After consulting our staff here at AT&T we have determined that while you have no phone signal or dial tone, that we will now act as if the problem is all imaginary.

However, since you have threatened our misogynistic and racist call center in India with a flight to their main office in Calcutta via Chuck Norris airlines, we will now schedule a tech to come out, poke at the wires, stomp on the siding of your house and pick his nose while telling you you need a new DSL modem box for your NON-INTERNET phone. 

He will arrive surely and half-awake promptly at 7:30 Thursday evening. 

Yes, we do know it's Monday afternoon, but at AT&T, we are not authorized to actually care.

Please enjoy not having a landline phone until then. 

Thank you for calling. Before we hang up on you and laugh, we will now send you to an automated message about AT&T U-verse, untraceable-and-a-pain-to-prove-it's-existence-in-court-paperless bills, and a myriad of other products that you couldn't possibly use.

Call #4:
Thank you for calling AT&T again. You likely have noticed that there are 10 AT&T trucks in your area, just zooming around and not actually doing anything, but trying to look important.

We also know about the 400 lbs. man in front of your home, with the ladder half slanted over the truck, playing with his iPhone and blaring 2Chainz as loud as humanly possible, shattering your windows. He is far too busy picking his ear to actually run up the pole and fix the phone, so right now, his truck is for decoration only.

Your actual worker is scheduled for Thursday night at 7:30, but may not arrive until 8:15 Friday night due to the high volume of people we have screwed out of phone service.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Call #5:
Thank you for calling AT&T! You are likely calling to ask about the four, Java heavy ads we just crammed your Facebook feed with. You have noticed that these ads are the only things loading correctly, while the rest of your Facebook feed says "Broadband Link Not Available" and that these ads are super smarmy, and mostly lead you to items and services that are not available for your area. 

Why the snub? Because we are AT&T. Goodbye! *CLICK*

Call #6:
Thank you for calling AT&T. 

Judging by the volume with which you screamed into the automated voice system, and by the tone of voice and NC-17 rated dialogue you used when addressing our surely, agitated, underpaid, overworked, disagreeable and misogynistic call manager in the Philippines, informing him that no, he may not speak to the man of the house, because it is the woman who is actually in charge of the bills, and the violent manner you were planning on utilizing when threatening to sodomize him with a Medieval Morning Star coated in hot sauce and habanero juice, that a squirrel sneezed down the street and two blocks over from your house, resulting in the immediate discontinuation of your internet signal, which was your last line of communication. 

We agree that there is a problem with the service, but right now we have opted not to boost the signal or try anything useful. 

Your technician may arrive later than Saturday night. We understand that this is Monday, and we originally told you we would send somebody out Thursday night, but there is a valuable reason why we are not willing to honor our original meeting.

Because fuck you. That's why.

Thank you for calling your friends at AT&T. *CLICK*

Call #7:
Thank you for calling AT&T. We see in our records that this is the seventh time you have made it through without being hung up on today, yet this is the 18th time you have called us today over all. 

We also see by our GPS service that a slight, infinitesimal breeze blew past your house, thus knocking out the Wi-Fi. There is no rain scheduled for your area today, and yet our service just blew out like a 120 Watt bulb in a 40 watt capacity lamp from the 1960's.

Now that we have told you about the GPS system, you have figured out that we are using Apple Maps via the iPhone of one of our call center staffers. 

We advise you to please stop flipping off and mooning the big brother satellite in the sky. You are only providing more entertainment for our interns in the Philippines, who spend their down time off the clock spamming anime-related Facebook groups with the phrase "put a dick inside another dick plz follow bak ♥♥ :(" and posting duck photos of themselves in front of Justin Bieber posters in their mother's bathrooms.

Upon zooming in closer via our iPhone app, which by the way is running smoothly on our end, we can see that you are legit crying blood. We have established that blood crying is a problem, caused by our service.

Thank you for spending an entire work day on the phone with your friends from AT&T. 

Please hold while we direct you back to the surely, American-hating asswipe who took your US born job. While he is making only five cents per dollar, in his country, he will be able to retire early and buy a mansion, scrubbed daily by the D cup breasts of 112 virgins, because five cents to us is roughly $30 to him. 

Please refrain from cursing your existence on this planet, while we blare the elevator-swag version of Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas's "My Humps" as done by a caffeinated hipster, who is crying over a MIDI keyboard, because his Emo girlfriend of three months just dumped him for another woman.

*My HUMPS.... my humps... My lovely lady LUUUUUUUUUMPS!!! AAaaaaaaaaaaah AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH*

Tenk yew for kalling AT&T my name is Malachai. How kan I help yew tudey? Yes I see you have a problem, a problem is what you are having. Thank you and have a nice day. *CLICK*

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Hey Racists! It's Cheerios, get a life!!

Like most of you by now, I've seen the adorable Cheerios ad, featuring the cute bi-racial girl and her White mom and Black dad. I was tickled when I first saw the ad, because the girl looks like my mom did when she was little.

So with that said, imagine my rage when I saw tons of comments on YouTube against the ad, posted by fully grown adults, calling the ad some of the following:

1. Evil
2. Against God
3. Horrible

And don't get me started on the racial slurs the child was called.

If you've missed out on all the fun, The Daily Mail has the whole story, including the innocent way the child in question is handling it.

But this is the final straw. People, like it or not, we can't act stupid anymore. We have to face up to the fact that we have a real, not pretend, race problem in America.

Stop lying.

Stop trying to tell people like me that "it's all in my head" or "I've blown this out of proportion". No. Grow up, act your age and face the issue dead on.

Growing up, I was called many names because I'm multiracial. Here's a list of some of names I heard ~ even from my own flesh and blood:

1. Pickaninny
2. The N word
3. High Yella Bitch
4. Yellowbone (By the way, Justin Bieber uses that slur in his song "Speaking in Tongues". Look it up.)
5. Wannabe (Got this from Black and White bullies as a kid)
6. White Trash N*Gga (Got this on YouTube as well)
7. Goliwog
8. Half Breed (Usually reserved for mulattoes, I'm multi, not just half, thank you)
9. Spic (I'm not Hispanic, but I got that one from a janitor at a doctor's office at age 14)
10. You people (Still get that one)

Now most of the slurs died down around 2005. I don't really know why, but people just seemed tolerant. And this was good. By 2007 I had put all of this ugly behind me.

But less than one year into President Obama's first term, they all came back with a vengeance.

Suddenly, Facebook became overrun with images of college-age boys in Blackface, people pointing fingers at every Black or mixed-race person, blaming ALL of us for why their lives suck.

Not only was racism a "just get over it you filthy N*gg*r" type of thing, it was being encouraged. Parents now have bumper stickers on their strollers, proclaiming the "fun" of killing or deporting anybody who isn't White. Black kids are taught to holler at kids of a different color, calling White kids such offensive names as Cracker and Honky. And the parents only egg the kids on.

Why do we allow this? Why are we teaching our kids to hate, just because we have a President of another color? We weren't allowing this when we had a White guy in office, so why start now?

And please spare me the lame excuse of "Um well It's not because Obama is Black, it's um um... well Ghetto kids are really~" because I'm just going to report you.

White, Black or anything else, there is no excuse for this.

There will never be an excuse to call a child a hateful name, or to teach them hate.

No excuse to hate on an individual because of the color of their skin.

No excuse to belittle a loving couple for marrying outside of their race.

And try not to get so cozy behind that Bible, else your hands start to burn. No God would ever want you to post garbage comments on YouTube, against a 6 year old girl, because she was born bi-racial. Let's not forget the "Love Thy Neighbor" comment from the book, and I'm pretty sure one of the commandments God put forth says something against "bearing false witness against your neighbor" so posting on YouTube that the little munchkin is a "whore" is probably breaking that one, oh ye of crooked faith. I'm also sure you shouldn't use His name to post hate against anybody too. That might even be a sin.

We need to own up to the fact that we have a strong race hate problem that needs to end in this country.

And stop getting butthurt over cereal. Grow up.

Boy Band and Bieber Bed Sheets need to STOP

If you have ANY doubts about what I have to say, please Google the following terms: "Mike Mozart Viacom" and watch whatever videos crop up from either Mike, Toy Channel, Toy Fail/Fail Toys or Jeepers Media. That should explain things better.

Furthermore, if you see a link on this post, click it. There's more to this mystery than one post can handle.

Okay, let's continue.

Young girls by nature go through phases, where they seek out boys who have some of their own traits. Pouty, bubble gum or cherry lips, large doe eyes, pretty nails, short/slender stature and innocent hobbies. (I.E. Singing, poetry, guitar, painting, bike riding, ect. ect.)

Viacom, Jive Records, Disney, School Boy Records, Republic Records, Vivendi, Columbia, these companies, all run by very old men, have always known that.

So what do these old men do? Hire young boys to sing, dance and attract the 4-16 year old girls. Make them swoon and fall in love with them. Make them feel like this is "forever" and that if you don't buy the boys's goods, and yap about them on Twitter, that the boys will somehow fall ill and die. Of course, these young lads understand where money comes from, so it's not like they would die, but the girls don't know that. So Viacom and the like trick the girls into wanting the boys' merchandise.

Never mind that most of the money you spend on a poster goes back into the greedy hands of the record labels, and the boys hardly get a cut of the sale, screw it! You want a poster and you want it now. Gotcha.

When you have a young girl in your life, and she's into a pop star, you should know this is part of the territory. You get used to posters, backpacks, t-shirts, marbles, maybe even a doll or an action figure. You grow to expect your little sister to have a keychain, your daughter to have a button, these things are par for the course.

But at some point, someone, an adult, should draw a line.

Say "that's enough" and put their foot down.

It could be a manufacturer.

It could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, legal guardian or older sibling.

It could even be the star himself.

But somebody somewhere needs to say "stop" and draw the line.


This is where we have crossed the line. This is no longer harmless, schoolgirl play. 

This is now some company, marketing fully grown men on little girl bed-sheets.

Let that sink in a bit.

You can't even try and get around this with the following lame excuses I see on Twitter:
1. But they're really niiiiiice
2. Um um ... er... JEALOUS WHORE ha ha I have a life you don't.
3. They're so innocent!
4. Well err... they're in bed before 10 and say their prayers.
5. Kids will be kids, it's harmless!

No, I'm sorry. This does not excuse fully grown men being on little girl bed-sheets. This is not cute, this is not adorable, this is a group of old men, putting pictures of adult men onto children's beds.

This is a form of selling sex to minors.

This is anything BUT "okay" and any parent allowing this should be ashamed of themselves. Don't pretend that this is harmless, it's not. Your daughter/cousin/little sister is being told by the media to lust after adult men. Don't believe me? Listen to the lyrics of a few songs. Here's a few songs at random you need to memorize:

One Direction:
Live while we're young
Take Me Home
More Than This (Catch the lyric "When he lays you down)

Big Time Rush:
Remember, this was on Nickelodeon during KIDS hour:

Justin Bieber:
Latin Girl (Lyric: She tries to fight but you know she likes it. A bit RAPE-y much???)
Die in your arms (Where do I start? There are sex AND death references.)
Speaking in Tongues (Yellowbone is a slur meaning "Black female with light skin." Look for the lyric.)
Trust Issues (Nice language out of Bieber and Drake. Remember, little girls have this MP3.)
Who Shot Ya

Are these singers even aware that their faces are being sold this way? If not, they need to be told, and if they do know, and are letting this happen, it needs to be stopped. 

Think about the future. Stop letting Viacom, Disney and the rest of them sell sex to your kids.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Betty Boop and Miku Hatsune ~ How Virtual Idols capture our hearts

It was just a few short years ago that I first stumbled across a captivating creature known as Miku Hatsune.

A CGI "Virtual Idol" from Japan, the young girl is brought to us by a software known as Vocaloid. (Miku is a Vocaloid 2 release to be exact.) The animation of her dancing is usually supplied by the freeware known as MikuMikuDance, but for her video games and many concert appearances, her animation is done by legendary video game software developer, SEGA.

Every so often, Miku is seen in a concert, sometimes joined by other characters from the Vocaloid line, and even more rare, characters from a line known as UTAU.

Fans of all ages love her, though her biggest fan-base is comprised of young men. Fans everywhere dress as her, waive their light up "Leeks" in her honor, and even dress their babies in her image.

Miku's concerts, brought to us by the endlessly cool Pepper's Ghost effect (an effect from the 1800's I might add) over a gigantic screen, are often jam-packed with happy music fans, wanting to see the computer maiden just a little bit closer.

But her fame, and the fame of other Virtual Idols like her does not surprise me. In fact, it just about seems natural to adore a Superstar of animated quality.

Just look at Betty Boop for example.

Betty Boop was the world's first virtual idol, though she wasn't created in the same sense as a Vocaloid. She was the creation of world famous animator Max Fleischer, and she was born as joke on flapper dancers.

She debuted in the cartoon "Dizzy Dishes" on August 9, 1930 as a large poodle and potential love interest for struggling cartoon star, Bimbo. (Pictured.)
Slightly chubby, very oddly drawn, not much thought was originally put into her. But audiences loved her.
Over time, as Bimbo became shorter and more dog-like, Betty gained a name and became more human. Her body would take on a slender yet curvy, more ladylike shape, and her dog ears were replaced by gold hoops. Her body would go on to become taller, nearly anorexic before the end of the 1930's, but ultimately would revert to her small, curvy, healthy frame, seen above in color.

Betty was voiced by many talented women, but eventually, her signature "Boop Boop A Doop" voice came courtesy of the talented Mae Questel, who also voiced Olive Oyl in the Fleischer Studios and Paramount Popeye cartoons.

Similarly, the voice bank for Miku Hatsune was provided by Saki Fujita. To this day, many music fans argue as to whether or not we are listening to Miku and Betty: the animated singers, or to just random, cut up tracks from Mae Questel and Saki Fujita respectively.

Betty Boop was a cartoon made of pen and ink, and yet people the world over loved her and continue to love her as though she were a real, living person.

Of course, no idol, virtual or human, can have a long career without scandal.

In May of 1932, a woman named Helen Kane sued Max Fleischer and Paramount, claiming that Betty was infringing on her baby doll looks, squeaky voice and even the phrase "Boop Boop A Doop". The lawsuit was later thrown out, when it became public knowledge that Helen actually stole her act from a gorgeous, Black starlet, known as Baby Esther. Max Fleischer himself also based some of Betty's mannerisms on the Cotton Club singer, and thus, Ms. Kane's lawsuit was rendered hopeless.

Miku and Betty have also been the target of criticism from various groups, demanding decency.

On July 1, 1934, a production code for cartoons and film was set into motion. Betty, then the target of hate group and self-proclaimed "decency" coalition, The Hayes Commission, set into motion a list of rules in regards to all forms of media. Betty was cartoon enemy #1 to them, and many of her cartoons were called into question. The group calling themselves the National Legion of Decency, also urged the Fleischer brothers to make Betty skinny and dress more like a housewife. This was done to make her appear "less" sexy, not more.

Even now, the biggest problem that both Miku and Betty face, deals with sexuality. Both Idols have been portrayed in many of their songs as being underage teenagers, (both at age 16) yet are still featured in songs dealing with sex, rape, loss of virginity and even songs about drugs and death. (Definitely crossing too many lines.) Many critique how the two are presented to the audience. With their large heads, large eyes, small lips and mostly "unrealistic" and immature body sizes, many feel this glorifies an unhealthy view of the adult female, in that some believe this promotes the "ideal" woman as being a baby-like tween or teen girl.

Both Idols have also appeared in just as many situations as fully grown and legal aged adults, but even there, many people poke and prod at the women, picking them apart for dressing too sexy.

For the record, I've yet to meet a cartoon character who was able to draw herself, nor a CGI model who was able to create her own fashions, so it seems rather stupid to blame a fictitious character for how she was "born". As Disney starlet Jessica Rabbit once said, "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way". This is by no means an excuse for the questionable songs, but in this rare instance, the phrase "get a life" springs to mind.

Still, both Idols (as adults) are still viewed as sex symbols to many fans of music and animation, and there is no scandal big enough to squash a pair of Idols with the entire world behind them. No matter how big the problem is, Betty and Miku's fans are always front and center, waiting to defend their beloved Idols from detractors everywhere. Even human musicians are hard-pressed to find the rabid loyalty these two have.

Since August 9th, 1930, Betty Boop has appeared in more than 110 cartoons, comic strips, specials, commercials and movies, and has appeared on everything from cars and toys, to apparel and home goods. Parents take their baby daughters to festivals in Betty's honor, sending their little ones into (questionable) Betty-alike contests, while young ladies snap up everything Betty Boop, to emulate their most cherished Idol. A love of Betty Boop has never been one of a passing fad, despite changing times. Instead, a love of her is life long, non-stop, and ever expanding.

On August 31, 2007, just 77 years and 22 days after Betty Boop's debut, Miku Hatsune hit the scene, with her own high-pitched voice. Just as Betty before her, people of all ages the world over love her as if she was their very own family, with people showing their respects online by calling her by the very personal "Miku-chan".

Betty Boop and Miku Hatsune right at the start of their official days as Virtual Idols, have been sold to us as the perfect celebrities. Marketed to be eternally beautiful, cute, charming, young. Never aging. Always able to change back if they've changed too much. Always perfect, and yet still very smart, strong and opinionated. Neither are afraid to fight for themselves, neither are truthfully passive, and yet both can dive deep into the most gut wrenching emotions when trouble does arise. For CGI and cartoon, no two starlets in the music world have ever appeared more human or more infallible, to countless generations worldwide.

Aside from having an image and song list based in the often "taboo" subject of sex, both Virtual Idols sing about the very same day-to-day struggles we face even now. Songs about working, overcoming poverty, and keeping the world full of pep and cheer. They sing happy songs, thrilling songs, sad songs, angry songs, and both can emulate every human need and emotion you have within you.

The cartoon and CGI girls respectively sing to the human soul, and just as many of us love our role-play avatars, our "Selfies", action figures and dolls, so too are we conditioned to love and appreciate these tiny, humanoid sensations. Some even love them as if they were their own children, others love them as a part of themselves. Like a little voice in the dark, representing a fantasy that may even be seen as a side of innocent love.

We as humans have always loved tiny, at times deformed versions of our species, whether it's in the form of dolls, drawings, statues or any other multitude of products and art. Our museums are overrun with them! We subconsciously try to protect them, nurture them. We gaze at their little movements with the same awe as a child with a music box. We are endlessly captivated and inspired by these minuscule dancers, and even dating to the days of the world's first figurine merchant, we really are not conditioned to care if someone tries to exploit this human trait of ours for money. If it means having our small idols, we have no problem forking over a little cash. We stay up at night, making our avatars, our CGI models, cartoons, dolls, figures, and as humans, we see nothing but joy from this.

Like Hello Kitty (another cartoon/anime ambassador) both often go on Goodwill tours. Miku Hatsune brings her closest Idols with her to America on occasion, to introduce new fans to her computerized music:
While not to be outdone, Betty Boop made a 1935 trip to Japan, to greet a generous crowd, who was already waiting to love her:
And yes, that really is her singing in Japanese.

Both Miku and Betty have become icons, transcending basic animation and pop music fads, and becoming part of humanity's fiber. We see them as Americana, art, a link to the past and a vision of the future. We no longer even bat an eyelash when they are shown to us as eternally young, female celebrities, nor do we poke and prod at the fashions. We see their career-minded, self assured and youthful antics as empowering. And more and more, men, women and children, have become less afraid to admit publicly that their favorite stars are not even flesh and blood.

We love all sides of them. And as humans, we will only continue to love Virtual Idols as much as we love ourselves. If we could just harness this same love for our fellow humans, who knows what we could do? But it seems that no matter what the odds are, these two have found a permanent spot in world history.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Why do dogs and women follow douchebags?

I fell asleep to a DVD of Betty Boop cartoons. The cartoons were all mixed up, so some featured Betty's original dog design.

Now there shouldn't be anything to read into this. The Fleischer brothers originally drew the flapper girl as a dog, and slowly but surely got her to be the girlfriend of their not very successful star, Bimbo, who is also a dog.

Once Betty's star started to outshine Bimbo, he was pushed to the back, and Betty became a human girl, eventually getting her own pet dog, Pudgy, who then began to outshine Betty. It's all full circle really.

But this morning, as I lay groggily listening to the radio in the kitchen playing over the pen and ink idol, I started to wonder if maybe there was a deeper meaning after all to Betty's past as a dog.

... Stay with me here. I hadn't had my coffee yet.

There was an ad about "dog dementia".


This was followed by a female "health" ad.


If this is the same drug company, color me scared.

Today I found out that the average life span of a dog is 20 years.
The average woman is 80-90 years.
But before they hit middle age, a dog and a woman are "old".

Think about dogs and women for a second. We have some things in common.

When you get us to trust you, we're loyal, maybe to a fault. You could be a douchebag, club baby seals and slap around nuns, & we will still love only you.

We will forgo food in order to maintain what YOU think is a healthy weight.

We can and often do insist that a stale, 3 day old cracker from a box is somehow satiating. Some will even accept a stale biscuit as praise for a trick well done.

We both pride ourselves on cute things. A woman with a small dog is often seen with matching purses, shoes and costumes. Why do we do this? Because men find cute to be attractive. Your dog is cute. We will be cute too.

If you cross our family or even look at the house funny, we will nom your leg off.

When angry, we are the most evil Hell Hounds you will ever meet.

We hate the word, but if it means that our favorite man will still hang around us, we will allow him to call us a "bitch". Dogs and women shrug their shoulders at this word, unless they are pissed, in which case, the word "bitch" is the last word you ever want to use.

We allow you to butcher our insides, based on what you pretend is "proper" or even "biblical" in terms of reproductive health. We pop out kids we may not even ask for, based on what YOU want.

If we have something wrong with our female bits, we let you rip out our ovaries and uterus's, lying openly that "DERP der be nuffin we kan du about it" when the cure for what ails us is relatively cheap.

We let you drug us, even if we're not sick. Hell, let a dog or a woman become forgetful or angry, now we're "psycho bitches" and you drug us until we crap blood.

We are conditioned by society to understand we are replaceable.

We are conditioned to believe that when you feel the time is right, you will throw us away.

Leave us in a shelter.

Let our bodies become infested with pharmaceuticals until our hearts stop.

We die.

You carry on and forget us.

Yet in still, men ask the same questions, and nobody bothers to answer them. And why? The questions you ask are simple and have a full explanation. You deserve a straight answer!

So here is what I saw today, asked purely out of innocence.

Why do women want a guy that treats them like dirt? This one dude has a girlfriend and a dog, he treats them both badly. Why do they stay with him??? Shouldn't the dog at least bite him??

I'll explain.

Girls are told from the time they are little, (mostly by teachers) that if a boy is rude to you, it means he likes you and just "can't communicate". So she grows up thinking that "he only disses me because he loves me".

A dog is no better. A dog will see that he feeds him/her. Provides a roof over the head. Pets him/her. That douche could kick that poor dog, and he/she will come right back, out of loyalty.

Bad guys actually have the guts to ASK a girl out. They also have the money to buy a dog AND feed it.

Since most "good" guys are too shy and afraid to actually ASK a lady out, she feels lonely, inferior, ugly. Like nobody wants her, like a lost dog at a shelter.

The bad guy sees this, swoops in, and takes her dinner.

Why is the lady with him?

Why is the dog following him?

Because HE MADE A REAL MOVE and paid for both.

As for "good" guys? This is a multifaceted problem.

The first problem is that most of the self proclaimed "good" guys are NOT.

They expect the girl to magically know what he's thinking, know that he likes her, read his mind and just obey his want for her to like him.

Of course women are not Sayajins, so that ain't gonna happen.

You want a girl? ASK.
Want a dog? BUY one.

The word "No" is honestly the worst thing that will ever happen to you. You thus have a better chance of a more favorable outcome.

If she says "No" walk away. Find someone else. Don't bitch on Facebook about it.

Another problem? Girls are told from the time they are born that if a guy is being "too" nice, he may be a rapist. But they are not told to what level of nice they should accept, thus this is an education problem, leading to life-long trust issues. We need to train our girls to accept the word "Hi" as something less sinister.

Another issue could lie within her past.

She may not know how to trust new guys, since the others she's known have thrown her away.

Girls are told from day one until they die that they are replaceable. No matter how good you are, he WILL someday replace you with a dumber, younger model.

If he could date a baby, he would.
A dog is told the same thing. Dogs understand that ANY trip to the vet may be their LAST.

And if you own a copy of "Old Yeller" and have played it in front of the dog........... shame on you!!
Same if you show a woman Bambi. We know the mother doesn't leave the meadow ALIVE.

Your kids will look for replacement mother-figures and cuter puppies.

Friends replace her.
Other dogs forget about your dog.

Your own family is always comparing you to your cousins, sisters or even just random neighbor kids. Your teachers whine and moan about how much better you would be if you were like this girl or that girl.

Your dog is always being told he ain't Lassie.

When you have a lifetime of being told you mean nothing, it takes a toll, thus, feeling like garbage, she falls for the first guy giving her attention.

Same with the dog.

That is why this keeps happening. Now you know the secret behind why a dog and a woman will follow a douchebag to the ends of the earth.

We need to educate our society, bring them OUT of the caveman era.

Teach our boys to love.

Teach our girls to accept love.

Teach our children that they are never replaceable.

Now the real question, knowing this secret?

What will YOU do?

1-800-WHA-DAFK Part 2: The Happy Kid Pics Hamster

I had so much fun researching old Kids numbers on my original 1-800-WHA-DAFK blog, that I've decided to keep it going with this lost club, from Kids Pics.

The Happy Hamster/Kid Pics Video Club
937 E Hazelwood Ave
Rahway, NJ 07065
(732) 499-0585

The Pitch: If you got a $0.50-4.00 VHS tape of Superman, Minnie Mouse or other random cartoons during the late 80's and early 90's, you could see the Happy Hamster, pushing himself onto you as your new best friend. He'd start the tape by asking you to cuddle up, "get cozy", and start enjoying "your favorite cartoons" with him.

You would then not see him again until the end of the tape, provided that you didn't touch that dial.

At the end of your tape, he'd tell you that he was just named the head of the Kids Pics club.

If you join for $10 plus $3 shipping, you will be treated to:
1. A newsletter
2. A poster that reads "The Happy Hamsters Michael Jackson's Greatest Hits"
3. A t-shirt (Sizes Small 6-8, Medium 10-12, Large 14-16)
4. An hour long tape of Mickey Mouse, Mighty Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Woody Woodpecker, Casper and other assorted cartoons.
 And if you are a special member, you can also order the Happy Hamster singing Michael Jackson songs on a Vinyl Album, CD or Cassette tape.

You also have to send in your child's photo, their likes and dislikes, a mini bio and an additional 6% sales tax if you are from New Jersey. You were told this would get your kid into a future newsletter, and tell the world all about him/her.

In reality? Pedo creeps took your child's information. Many parents were disgusted when they started getting pageant requests in the mail, from sponsors that had bought the children's I.D. from Kid Pics.

Fate: Sometime in 1990, Kids Pics was rendered defunct. The address now belongs to Curiel, a company devoted to ship transportation.

Top Hat Sasquatch has a few surviving pictures here: though it's not clear where the Happy Hamster is now.

UPDATE: Here's a little extra history, courtesy of Oddity Archive:

Kid Pics was a subsidiary of AmVest Video, and may have ceased production as early as 1990. There was a second record released, where the Hamster and his friends parody the Ghostbusters. The company was regarded as a bootlegging company, due to it's suspicious business practices, leaving the record tab on each tape, and hit-or-miss quality.

The Happy Hamster was almost an off-shoot Alvin and the Chipmunks character, but was altered due to a cease and desist request from the rights holders of Alvin. When the second album was released, extra tracks were added, to "prove" that these were Rahway, new Jersey Hamsters singing, NOT chipmunks.