Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The REAL problem America faces...

We all want to be the best Americans possible.

We all believe in the American Dream.

We all want to have a country we can be proud of.

See this cartoon? It's of Captain America. One of Marvel Comic's most American icons. I bet some of you even know the theme song:


But people over the age of 18 lately... alright let's be real here. Over 35. Have been trolling each other over basic, American rights. Here's a rundown of how these people think:


They even make up stories and get angry when you don't believe them. 

Some of them are stupid enough to believe that:

1. Every shooting is fake. All the dead children are hired actors.
2. Every American death in a war is fake. Our dead soldiers are just actors & really alive.
3. If you ban one gun, you ban ALL of them, like forever.
4. The Government is going to come to your house and start a personal war with everyone owning a gun.
5. There's no such things as descendants of Native Americans.
6. All women are whores, who should be forced to have babies even if they're not ready for them, but if they get a job or go on welfare to pay for these kids, they're extra-whores. (Actually saw this!!)
7. If you have more than one child you're a whore ~ even if you're married and your husband is the father of all of them.
8. If you get any government aid, you're a loser, but if THEY do it, it's a-ok.
9. Black guys are social, commie Nazis, especially if they're holding a public office.
10. Everyone who's not as Christian as they pretend to be is a Nazi. 
11. Only rich, White, republicans can have rights, everyone else is a whore going to Hell when they die, and if you're Gay, it's extra-Hell for you.
12. All women should psychically know if he likes him, ask him out, pay for his dinner, give him a blow-job but not want to marry him, and if she doesn't it means she only likes losers, and that he needs to cry about it on Facebook and hashtag "ForeverAlone #YOLO on every third "women are whores" post.

Now all of this sounds like the irrational ranting of a racist 11 year old, whose pissed off that Justin Bieber has an ethnic girlfriend, smokes pot and has a tattoo of a rose, and isn't into fat, smelly jerks that post this.

But these are ADULT MEN doing all of this!! NOT KIDS!!!

And it's starting to piss the OTHER men on my feed off royally. to the point where weekly backhandings are being scheduled. (*Sniff*... I'm so happy.) I just saw three actual adult men threaten a bitch-slap to the dude who won't stop posting #ForeverAlone on his feed.

But NONE of these things are big enough threats. In fact a good chunk of what I just typed can never happen, because we're in America!

But we do have a problem going on in America right now. And it's going to take everyone to put aside their religious, race, gender, orientation and political differences once and for all, so we can solve this crisis. 

We may even have to get our teachers in on this, our spiritual guides, maybe even a few lawmakers, so we can band together and start working on the one crisis that has the power to drive us all insane.

... How are we going to explain Kim Kardashian to the children born after 2012?

I can't even explain Kardashian to my spell check. Just now, it tried to re-type it as:

How are we going to look Junior in the eye, and tell him that once upon a time, years of college and trade school only got you unemployment and 40 years worth of debt, while being stupid landed you a reality show?

How are we going to explain, that there was a time in which MTV not only didn't play any music, but taught little girls that virginity makes you a loser, and teen pregnancy makes you a superstar?

How can I look my future son or daughter in the eye, and tell him/her/them that at one point, TLC decided to ditch medical shows about how the human body works, in favor of redneck moms pimping out their babies in the name of vanity?

I'm more terrified of explaining how The Hills got greenlit for more than one season than I am telling my future son that in North Korea, there's a real life Android 19 from Dragonball Z, threatening to nuke Hawaii. 
Oh, you thought I was joking, weren't you? NOPE!

How can I explain to a child what a Honey Boo Boo is or why Paris Hilton was famous ~ when even I'm not 100% sure?

How do we explain that Lindsey Lohan is more famous for getting high and smashing cars than for any movie she's been in? Or how we don't stop stalking and trespassing criminals the moment one of them whips out a camera?

How do I look a beautiful baby in the eye, and tell him/her that more people watch TMZ than CNN? That people know more about Snooki's choice of sleepwear than they do the number of countries this planet has?

At some point, children get curious. They go to the library. They find a computer. They read a book. At some point, we can't censor everything from them, and we have to explain why Punkin Chunkin is a TV show, aired on a channel that is known to be "educational". 

America, we need to get on the ball with this. We have a real crisis on our hands.

Bad enough I hear a baby outside saying "YOLOYOLOYOLOYOLO".

Monday, January 28, 2013

Nobody is going to accept Rock vs. Cena for the belt. Here's why.

Oh, I'm sorry Mr. "I understand Business even though I'm not in the WWE right now" did I just annoy you, because I, much like the MILLIONS (and millions) of other "Armchair Bookers" questioning The Rock having a title he didn't earn and Cena winning a Rumble he doesn't need, are really PISSED OFF right now?

Ok, let me break this down for you in small, itty bitty bites.


1. You can stop pretending this is "good" for business.

Do you even remember last year's Wrestlemania? Do you?

How John Cena, the guy who actually IS in the WWE 100% of the time, got his ass handed to him by the TOOTH FAIRY?

Did you just magically forget how many people demanded a refund at the ticket booth that day?

Did you also forget that the WWE openly LIED on television about having over 72,000 people at the show ~ when less than 69,000 actually for real showed up, and how after counting refunds, the show was considered to be one of the top 5 LOWEST grossing Wrestlemanias of all time?

Keep in mind, a good chunk of that 69,000 people were filled up by the WWE crew and wrestlers who weren't booked for the show.

So with that said, do you honestly think that putting the belt on a guy (The Rock) who is NOT reliable, and has a bad habit of deserting the WWE for months, even years at a time, is going to magically make this a more profitable show?? Wake up and smell the coffee. If last night's reaction was any indication to you, this is a BAD idea.

2. The Rock is NOT passing the torch to Cena.

Why is that? Because CENA is the one who will be passing the torch soon. Who do you think has been running with it for the last 10 years??

Is this what you want? A repeat of Wrestlemania 18??

Hulk Hogan passed what he thought was the torch to The Rock. Wanna know why that was stupid?

The Rock at that point had been running with it for several YEARS, didn't need the push, didn't need the rub, and fucking LEFT the company as soon as possible after that.

Now we have Cena. He's not the kid in need of the rub right now. He's the overworked veteran, getting ready to pass the torch to someone else. So don't pretend he has anything to gain from The Rock.

3. Cena does NOT need the belt right now.

He's already held it a mazillion times, and HE HIMSELF said he doesn't need it anymore. C'mon now, if even CENA don't want CENA to hold the belt, neither should you.

4. The fans don't want to see Rock and Cena fight over the belt.

Oh what's that? Why should it matter you say?

Let me explain something about "business" that you don't know.

If the fans don't like something, they will quit wasting their time and money on it.

Not everyone is stupid enough to drink the Kool-Aid and believe everything Vince McMahon tells them to accept. The crowd last night only proved me right, as they couldn't stop cheering for Punk.

Wanna know what happens after that?

The ratings drop further. (The Rock has only gotten them a 3 since coming back. Pay attention.)

The merchandise and PPV sales drop further.

The company dies.

What's that? Don't believe a company that big would let that happen?

I have three letters for you.

W.C.W.

5. The Rock didn't earn that belt.

Wrestling is just like the Janet Jackson song "What have you done for me lately".

The Rock last held the belt in 2002.

Since 2004, he's only made the bare minimum of appearances, to plug himself, talk about how great he thinks he is, and once in a blue moon, deliver a half-assed match, devoid of any actual wrestling moves.

Do you actually think the fans will just forget that?? They sell enough of this man's past record on DVD that they can't forget!

He only has the belt right now out of sympathy to his mom, and because Vince is senile enough to think this will earn more money for Mania.

Do you think the fans will blindly accept a man who doesn't earn squat as a champion? DO YOU??

What about Ryback, who's been trying his damnedest to make people believe in him?

How about Punk, who shows up EARLY to do his job, and even hobbled his ass out to the Rumble last night on a bum knee?

What about Dolph Ziggler, who not only has been cheated out of his time to cash in the briefcase, but has had to play caddy to every other talentless bitch not currently attached to another wrestler?

Or what about Wade Barrett, who "won" NXT only to have his push for the title wrongfully and repeatedly yoinked from his grasp, simple because he's from the U.K.?

I can imagine the fans buying them as champions, but a DISNEY actor? REALLY?? A guy who keeps leaving them and is only focused on himself? A guy who openly bullies Heyman and Punk, but is slated to be the face of the anti-bully program? Are you nuts??

The bottom line is that more and more, people are waking up out of their WWE induced comas, and realizing that much like the kids, they too should be expecting better.

So please, keep the Kool-Aid to yourself. I'll be drinking water.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Maria says BYEEEEEEEEEE~EEEEEEEEEEE

I am accepting donations to help with the move. Every penny counts. I have no idea when I'm moving, but all help is appreciated. Bless/Thank you.

So you may recall that my house is set to become a Wal*Mart. And at this point I am okay with that, I just need a new place to live. Yes, it's scary, but I'll accept that over staying in my neighborhood another year.

I became grateful for this hidden blessing on November 10, 2012. That was the day I wrote this and decided that moving was really a healthy thing for me... because I hate my neighbors. :-)

Since the last time I blogged about my neighbors, "Maria" the woman who let her kids play in my backyard ~ right after I stopped one from blowing his filthy little nose on the American flag attached to my porch ~ has made four changes in her life.

1. Some of the kids no longer live with her. The other day I caught one of the boys screaming at Maria "I HATE YOU I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN" as he left with his father. Maria just stood there and said "That's awesome, more food for me, BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" awesome.

2. She ordered one of the Spanish-to-English sets Galavision has the ads for. The set that comes with the portable DVD player. Why not? She got herself a house without becoming a legal citizen, took a job one of my neighbors was hoping for ~ and got it because since she's not really a legal citizen yet, they pay her less ~ and she just got a new car, go right ahead. Have a DVD player too. That's fine.

3. She purchased a flimsy, 4 foot fence for her:

4. Cartoonishly large beasts.

Now let me be clear. I love dogs. Always wanted one, never got the chance. And I understand that most of the time, it's the big ones that are the most docile.

... These things are not docile.

And I have no clue what breed they are. I can guess they're some sort of pitbull/doberman breed, but honestly I have no clue. One of them has red eyes, that's as much as I can tell.

The small one on all fours can almost look me in the eye.

... I'm 5'4.

How do I know he's almost tall enough to look me in the eye on all fours?

Because that cute, charming, flimsy little 4 foot fence is offering me NO protection from them.

So far, they've gotten out and tried to make a meal out of three mailmen and several of the squirrels have gone missing.

Now of course, if you have aggressive animals, you want to be responsible. You train them, or go to obedience school with them, so you can learn how to take care of them. At least, that's what I always thought.

Maria? No.

Just now (it's nearly midnight as I type this) I hear the dogs outside, loose. One was across the street, annoying another neighbor and scaring her granddaughter, the other was in MY yard, climbing the stairs. Maria is outside. Surely, she'll retrieve them, right?

She stands out there, hands on hips and screaming:

"Hey... HEY!! NO!!. No.. uh-uh. Get back here. Bad dogs get back here. What?? What??"

I hear barking.

Maria: OKAY BYEE~EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Maria walks back inside and slams the door.

o.O

The dogs continued barking, threatening the neighbors. Maria said "BYEEEEE~EEEEEEEEEEEEE" to the dogs several more times, until at last, the dogs came back inside.

This makes the 20th time in two weeks she's done this. Does she not understand that dogs don't respond to "BYEEEEEE~EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"??????

I can't stand when parents do that to their screaming toddlers at the grocery store. It's bad enough when a mom yells "BYEEEEEEEEEE~EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" to a toddler who should be taking a nap, now imagine that same moron doing it again, but in the street and to two dogs, big enough to eat Scooby-Doo.

I'm hoping I can afford to move very soon. I plan on starting the move obnoxiously at 4 in the morning.

I'm going to honk an air horn right in front of Maria's house, as many times as I can until either she's able to discern it's me, or until the damn can runs out.

I'm going to hang my head outside the moving truck.

And when Maria stumbles outside, and her dogs are chowing down on her leftover kids, I'm going to form the sign language motion for "I Love You" turn my arm backwards, and at the top of my lungs yell:

"BYE~NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

And see if she likes it.


The killing of Punk's push almost garnered a screwjob

Well what did I say? I said they were killing Punk's push, didn't I? And when did I say it? October of 2012.

And how bigger of a way could they have used to kill Punk's push?

By having him lose the belt to The Rock ~ who's sickly mother was in the crowd.

That put Punk at an impossible spot.

If Punk had won, he'd have the stigma of beating up a guy who could lose his mom.

But Punk lost.... to the Tooth Fairy.

And worse? If The Rock had not done (shock of all shocks) the right thing, and asked the match to have been re-started, Vince (who invited himself to do this) would have had Punk stripped of the belt, because he (his character) feels that Punk is working with Aces & 8's n.W.o Nexus The Shield.

Oh, I get it. It's totally fine and okay for Triple H to use Evolution and D-X, but Punk can't use The Shield. I see. Well I guess Tyler Black and Jon Moxley really are that much more dangerous than Batista, Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels, X-Pac, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, Chyna, and Randy Orton. No nooooo, that's fine. HHH can have those guys all he likes, but Punk can't have help from Tyler and Moxley. They're the ones that are too dangerous. I gotcha.

How can I tell this was almost a screwjob? Easy. Go back and find the footage. Watch King and Paul Heyman's faces. They tell the story.

Why else would ice-cold-heart-ed Vince have kept Bret Hart back there??

To tell Bret that the guy he likes is GONNA BE SCREWED!! Why not? The senile old bastard keeps bringing it up ~ like how many DVDs do we need of the damn thing??

Bret has been vocally supportive of Punk, even after their little on-screen-pre-written-by-a-chimp exchange a few moons ago. Vince couldn't pass this up. And Punk being a Heyman guy too?? The old coot was waiting for an excuse.

So those of you left not currently boycotting the company can look forward to Punk being sent to the mid-cards soon, as the focus will remain on the guy who keeps leaving WWE and the guy on the Fruity Pebbles box.
For the sake of everyone who was rooting for Punk, I hope it's not possible to scream or cry yourself into a coma....

Wal*Mart does NOT sell ring gear!!

Since my last wrestling-themed blog, I have had a cup of coffee. And that is a good thing, for without it, I am Donkey Kong, and not exactly open-minded enough to accept the amount of stupidity I usually face in my daily life.

I only allow myself one cup a day, as anything more and I put myself at risk for rapid heartbeat or a rebound migraine, and I can't really afford a trip to the emergency room, just because I can't handle what I saw on TV. So for right now, one cup is plenty.

Today, the caffeine hit in time for me to see Dragon Gate USA's PAC on NXT. Yes yes, I know his new name is Adrian Neville, but you should know by now that when it comes to ROH or DGUSA alumni, I am sticking to their former "Indy" names, instead of using their suburban, unmarketable titles.

So anyway, I saw PAC get in the ring with Taka Michinoku's student Sakamoto, and have one of the best matches WWE has ever had in their entire existence. My brother had on the week-before-last's NXT, and the crowd went ape-shit over this match. Every match after that got a "THIS IS BORING" clap-chant, so it is safe to say that PAC stole the show.

My brother then put on the next episode, and I saw something truly frightening.

Heath Slater is still employed.

No no. Not that.

Drew McIntyre is ripping off of Truth Martini but is wearing John Morrison's hand-me-downs.

No no, even worse.

Shawn Michaels dressed like a cowboy's derpy dad.

Nope, even worse.

I see a trio of guys come out for a match against Yoshitatsu and Percy (I forgot you work here) Watson. Now Yoshi and Percy come out in regular wrestling gear. The gear fits just fine, and when I look at them, I can believe they are true, professional wrestlers.

Brodie Lee comes out in his typical wife-beater and jeans. He has ring-appropriate boots on underneath, and has in the past worn knee pads under the loose jeans. It goes with his persona, so I don't mind.

... Then there's the other two.

Bray "My Dad is Irwin R Shyster and my baby brother is Bo Dallas" Wyatt is dressed like the rural parts of the 1980's threw up on him. Hawaiian shirt, straw hat, there is zero indication that this man is a fully trained wrestler.

Then there's the other boy. I'm going to guess his name is Eric. I have no actual clue, as the Full Sail university student in charge of screen-wipes didn't bother to put the boy's name up. All I know is that he is very tall, and has a Highlander's-long-red beard...... and is dressed in a green track suit.

..... What the hell??

TNA has this problem too. Recently at a PAY PER VIEW, you know, one of those $40-50 programs, they had a Knockouts gauntlet match. Of the 8 or so women who jumped in the ring, only three looked like they were ready for the night.

Tara dressed as a wrestler, as she takes her job seriously.

ODB dressed like her persona (hillbillie) but with ring ready boots on. She too takes this seriously.

Velvet wore a.... well I'm not actually sure if I can say what it was, but it looked like something from a comic book, and since this kinda goes along with her persona, I'm going to count it.

The rest of them??

Wal*Mart gear.

Mickie, Teschmacher (I know I misspelled that) and the rest wore the cheapest threads from Wal*Mart. But Gail Kim was who shocked me the most. Her clothes come courtesy of the "Smart and Sexy" line at the retail chain. I should know, I've been past the display enough times to know what they sell. It's bad enough to see a rookie dressing like that, but COME ON!! You are a veteran now, this is not appropriate!!
(Never you mind how I know where she got the top from.)

I never thought I would say this about ring veterans, but enough is enough. Unless your gimmick is that you're a thug or a redneck, for the love of God please, purchase REAL ring gear. ← That link there is for Highspots. They have affordable gear. Start there. There's also Kongo Kustoms, which also works with the wrestler on many aspects. They too are affordable.

Remember, the younger wrestlers are watching YOU. If you don't start dressing as though you give a shit what people think of you, they won't either.

And once again, here is my lovely guide for young wrestlers:

Friday, January 25, 2013

Spoiled Brat 51 year old with an AK-47

BEFORE you read this, let me just make a few things clear:

This is NOT about guns. Yes, you will read that word here or there, but this is not a pro or anti gun post. So if you own one, take note that I am NOT picking on you. I don't care if you have one or 100 of them, and in this case, the moron could have used a rock, an old PS1 controller or even a hand puppet, I'd still be on his ass. The problem in this article is the 51 year old, so let's stay focused here.

I am NOT saying that we can never ever punish bad kids or that kids are saintly. If anything I believe in old school punishments, as they did me just fine. Yes I was spanked. I never cut myself or needed therapy. If your parent spanked you, get over it. There's worse in the world, as you are about to see.

This is about a little girl. Yes, she is 15 and I just used that terminology. I'm sorry if that offends you, but if you're under 18, you are a LITTLE KID. With that said, that should be extra reason not to threaten someone with any weapon.

Alright, now that we have that clear, let me talk a bit about an asshole, who is old enough to know better, but clearly does not. I just saw a story that makes me want to slap the asshole who did this to his daughter. I'll let CBS tell the tale, I'll highlight the parts that anger me the most:

"ST. PAUL, Minn. (WCCO) – A 51-year-old St. Paul man is accused of pointing an AK-47 assault rifle at his daughter after the two argued about her grades in school, according to charges filed Friday in Ramsey County Court.

Kirill Bartashevitch was charged with two felony counts of terroristic threats in connection with the Jan. 13 incident.

According to the complaint, St. Paul Police responded to St. Paul Central High School on Jan. 17 after a report of an assault against a 15-year-old female student. A social worker at the school had received a report from a parent who had been monitoring her son’s electronic communications. The communications showed that Bartashevitch had sent the son a message that he had pointed an AK-47 rifle at the girl.

The complaint states that the girl and Bartashevitch were arguing at their residence on Jan. 13 about her grades in school. She was getting two Bs in school instead of two As. He swore at the girl, who then told him she hated him, and he grabbed a recently purchased AK-47 and pointed it at her.

According to the complaint, he bought the rifle because he knew it would soon be banned. The girl’s mother jumped between them when he pointed the gun, and the girl was eventually ordered to go to her room by Bartashevitch.

The girl’s mother told police that when she intervened, Bartasevitch threw her to the floor and that he pointed the gun at both of them, the complaint states.

On Jan. 24, police conducted a search warrant of his home and found 9mm ammunition and receipts for the purchases of two rifles."

Alright, let me break this down, using numbers.

1. You are 51 years old. That means you have had 51 years to learn how not to throw temper tantrums every time something happens that you don't like. Instead, not only did you throw a tantrum, you threatened her life with a gun bigger than she is. If this is how you parent, you can take your fake excuse about "teaching respect" and shove it up your ass. You're a spoiled brat, and you deserve NOTHING good in your life if this is how you behave.

Respect by the way, is something you teach BY EXAMPLE. You don't bark it at a kid, you don't rob them of their property, scream, hit and threaten them, you teach by SHOWING them respect. That means mind your manners, FOOL!! If anybody needs that lesson, it's YOU.

2. You threatened to shoot her, because she got two B's. 

REALLY??? She is 15 years old. Wake up and smell the coffee you old loon!

Parents are always bitching that their kids aren't grateful. Well look in the mirror, jackass! YOU are the reason why.

You want a kid to be grateful? Teach by example. 

She is 15 years old. At her age, you should be grateful she isn't:
* On Drugs
* Pregnant
* Sleeping Around
* Robbing people/stores
* Beating people up
* Bullying
* Killing people
* On a reality show

But noooo~oooo. You are not grateful. You have no ability to be thankful. You are selfish. 

You're throwing a tantrum because she missed getting an A. You're upset she isn't trying harder for mediocrity, in a busted school system, which is preparing her for cubical, food and retail service.

Let me ask you, how good were YOUR grades at age 15? Obviously not good enough if you're not working above the status quo. In fact, until you threatened a little girl, nobody knew who you are, so nobody would have cared what became of you. You went to school, you probably got good grades, and you still amount to NOTHING in this world. So in the grand scheme of things, her not getting an A every single time really isn't worth threatening her with anything.

3. You threatened a little girl and her mom with an AK-47. Now like I said, it could have been a rock for all I care, the fact that you threatened her with ANY weapon means that you are a scared twat, hiding behind an inanimate object to make yourself feel bigger.

You threatened two, helpless people, smaller than yourself, with a gun. Clearly, any moron who bullies or threatens feels that they have no control over some aspect of their lives, so rather than do the adult thing and make changes, they do the irrational villain thing by abusing those weaker than they are. So you are a power hungry asshole.

4. You ONLY bought that gun, because it's about to become ILLEGAL.

Let's take a look at this, shall we? 

If it was a handgun, a shotgun, or any other gun, he likely would not have purchased it.

But because THIS is the gun that is soon to leave Wal*Mart, that's suddenly "his baby". 

That's as bad as the little boy on the playground, who only wants a toy because he can't have it. Or the jealous asswipe at work who only wants your boy/girlfriend, because someone else has him/her.

Now the thing nobody has figured out yet, if you own this illegal gun, and keep it full of ammo, YOU ARE COMMITTING A CRIME, meaning that you wasted money on a gun that is 100% USELESS to you.

That's like if I were to go crazy, buying up truckloads of Vicodin, because it may soon be on the same level as Cocaine. It too is a tool used to injure and kill people in mass quantities, can't really be used "safely" no matter what it's maker wants to pretend, and by owning it, it's like screaming at a cop "YOO-HOOOO I'm committing a federal offense by hanging onto contraband like a stripper hangs on a pole COME GET ME!" Why don't you call a cop a racial slur while you're at it, sheesh!

But not only did you buy a gun ONLY because everyone else is talking about it, you used it to threaten those that are weaker than you, thus making everybody else your age and with a gun look crazy. Real good.

It's a shame to know that the media has been rife with idiots like these. There are so many people right now, wishing that they could have or adopt a child of their own, and here's this asshole, abusing a kid he doesn't deserve.

Can Pokemon solve the Economy?

I've been too stressed lately, so I've decided to allow myself a little extra time every other day to play Pokemon. It helps me to relax and the more relaxed I am, the better I am at what I do.

Well it's probably no surprise to you why I chose Pokemon Black 2. It's in contrast to my copy of Pokemon White, and it has the same, awesome game mechanics I've loved since I first started playing Pokemon Silver in 2001. (Being broke makes you a late bloomer.) Also, the main female choice has a sincere air of familiarity to her that I simply can't ignore.

But there's a few other things about the series that I liked as a kid, and as an adult, I realize could be really useful outside of the classic RPG series. Ideas that if implemented, could turn our economy around, promote commerce and make life easier all around. So here's a short list of what I've found:

24 Hour Shops ~ In the Pokemon games, EVERYTHING is open all the time. Whether you're playing at 2 in the morning, 3:15 in the afternoon or 10 at night, everything is available to you. 

Not only does this help the economy of cities such as Nimbasa, Celedon and Goldenrod, it also generates enough commerce that in the most recent games, the shops start picking up more and more merchandise. Plus some stores offer incentives to buying things in bulk. 

For example, if you buy 10 Pokeballs, you get a Luxury Ball for free, thus giving the consumer a reason to return. 

And with everyone being employed around the clock, you never run across anybody homeless on the streets in these areas. If they're out and about, it's just them having down time.

NO curfew ~ Now this sounds like a strange one, because (if you've read my other blogs on kids) I am NOT a fan of kids acting like adults. However, in the games and in the anime/manga titles, there is no curfew at all. Meaning that being out late is not considered a taboo worth breaking. And if it's not a rule worth breaking, nobody ages 10 and above thinks about acting out about it. 

Now granted, it's creepy to see a tween out that late, and you worry about the adult creeps that target them, but then you have to worry about those creeps 24 hours a day, so inside or out, that threat doesn't go away.

But there's no teenage gangs roaming around, no parents screaming at their kids about how late they're out, and the best part? Because the police aren't busy playing babysitter to the runaways, they have all the extra time to focus on nabbing the REAL criminals. 

Think about it. Team Plasma, Rocket, Aqua, Magma, they're the only threat you have. The robbers, rapists, embezzlers, abusers and stock analysts are all BEHIND BARS. Why? Because Officer Jenny is spending more time keeping them under lock and key than she is worrying about Ash Ketchum being out past 11. 

24 Hour Schools And Daycare ~ While I'm not happy that after being told my character had to wait until she was over the age of 10 to get her Pokemon Trainer Card, I bumped into Preschooler Anklebiter ~ who just waltzed up on me with a Pokemon bigger than him, I will say this, the concept of a 24 hour school is genius.

It's 2 in the morning, and I walk into a preschool that is well lit, stocked with toys, and run by people giving these kids a real-world education. There's a four year old who just told my character all about potions and how to properly take care of a Pokemon, and another toddler just finished studying. Their parents are nowhere to be seen, but it's assumed they are at work, much like all the other adults I keep finding.

The teacher doesn't care if Mom and Dad drop Junior off at 1 in the morning or at 4 in the afternoon. They're more concerned with making sure he has his manners in check and that he's getting an education strong enough to take him into old age. 

If we had schools like this all over America, I wouldn't want to throw rocks at every establishment I see. All of the other schools are like this as well. You can read books at the Trainer school/college at all hours of the day and night, and bump into teachers just randomly giving out advice, even if you're not a student.

NO Obesity Nazis And Snack Food that's GOOD for you ~ I'm constantly complaining about these losers, especially on days where I see parents ~ fully grown ADULTS with jobs, money and a post-college brain in their heads ~ bullying kids into thinking that if you start getting a little chubby, Mommy and Daddy will hate you. So sick I am of seeing these kids ~ not even old enough to buy a sandwich by themselves ~ bullied by the people whose job it is to protect them. And yet more and more, I see these kids with full on anorexia, lethargic, out of breath, running themselves into an early grave, just because a few weirdos decided that you're morbidly obese every time you touch more than two carrot sticks.

So it's nice to see that in the Pokemon world, people are fine with you giving your Pokemon a Lemonade or a Soda Pop. Not only does it replenish their HP, it also makes them more friendly towards you, important if you're trying to obtain friendship-only evolutions like Azumarril or Togetic.

Snack Foods are cheap, and are not considered to be bad for anyone's health. So nobody bullies me when I purchase a Castelliacone or pick up a Rare Candy. People are just not that nosy, and I like that.

Medical and Grocery combo stores ~ This is a newer feature in the Black/White era. You walk into a PokeCenter, and not only can you heal your Pokemon, you can also buy food and supplies and even access a global battle/trade area.

True, some hospitals in the real world have little shops, but like airports, their goods are overpriced and of a low quality. And in this fast paced world, where you have to tend to the injured and sick in your family AND provide for the non hospital goers, adding regular shops with affordable goods can drive up commerce and create new jobs. This way, those who are waiting for a loved one can still buy a decent meal or obtain what they need when they go home, instead of sitting underneath a TV blasting crappy programming while trying to lie to yourself that a 3 year old issue of Newsweek Magazine is a thought-provoking read from unbiased writers.

It's amazing to me that a simple video game has all the answers to America's problems. Now if only someone was smart enough to implement them.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Whatever The Rock was cooking, it has burnt.

"NO NO NOOOO!!!!" I protested, clutching my pillow while doing my very best Daniel Bryan impersonation. My younger brother had awakened me from my slumber, to inform me that Hulu had just picked up Raw.

Now understand this. I have seen precious little of the WWE since the "Turkey" incident on their website. Since they had then and continue to make fun of their ex-wrestlers on various postings and videos, I decided a full-on boycott was in order. It's bad enough the writing went straight to the toilet, but it's worse when you're outright trolling wrestlers.

So with that said, since September I've seen a few clips, several weeks worth of NXT and almost a full episode of Raw. (We all pulled for King that night.) But not much more that isn't on Botchamania.

"But Kori you gotta see this!" My inbox is usually full of these messages, but usually it's not coming from my own brother, who joined the boycott shortly after learning what a Funkasaurus is. But he's a very open minded, positive young man, so if he insists on me seeing something, it has to be pretty important.

"What is so damn special about Raw??" Considering that my Facebook feed was still full up with angry comments about Mae Young giving birth a second time on live television, I figured it was way too early in my day for Creative's usual flavor of BS. At least let me have a cup of coffee before handing me a Russoism.

"THE ROCK AND C.M. PUNK!!!!"

"...... Ok I'm up."

If you haven't guessed by now, I'm a sucker for anything to do with C.M. Punk and Paul Heyman. So I arise from my bed and head out to where the Roku box is.

So I watched the promo between The Rock and C.M. Punk. I probably shouldn't have to repeat what I heard, since the video is all over the internet now, but I couldn't help but notice that The Rock just couldn't keep up with Punk, vocally. In fact, he couldn't keep up at all. I heard two words fall out of his face that I hadn't seen since Will Smith was a childless Fresh Prince:

Cookie Puss.

... Cookie Puss??

Cookie Puss..

When you hear an out-of-date term like that, you just have to tell somebody about it. It trended on Twitter for just 20 minutes, because everybody was trying to figure out where Cookie Puss came from.

Now growing up, I always heard that most of The Rock's best materials were written for him, but when he first challenged Cena the January before Wrestlemania 27, I thought that maybe it wasn't 100% true. I see now though that true or not, there was just no way for him to take out a man who thinks on his feet. Like it or not, Punk has the phrase "pipe bomb" associated with him for a valid reason.

If you look closely into The Rock's eyes, they tell the tale. He realized Punk was not about to back down, so the following week, I figured that he'd come back with a better promo, or better yet, have a match. Because you know.. it's like sports and stuff. So I waited a week to see if my brother would wake me again for the Hulu-cast.

... I slept in. Uh-oh.

Well judging by the moaning and groaning on Facebook, not only didn't The Rock cut an even better promo, he poked fun at pictures, using out of date music references, and then sang a song using a 12 year old's vocabulary. I swear it feels like Russo works there again.

I've since seen all of the instances where The Rock appears on camera for this feud. And there's something missing, outside of a better promo.

The crowd.

Oh sure you hear them, but it's sounding piped in. When you see the footage from the actual crowd, you see a handful of adults playing along, but the kids look bored. That thunderous *POP* I once heard is missing.

Now alot of people (read: over 25) have openly confessed that they too felt let down. This week for example should have hyped everyone up for the Royal Rumble, but instead it fell flat.

But these same people want to know why. Why aren't the kids getting into this? Why is everyone so down on The Rock and his feud with C.M. Punk? This "could be" earning Raw a 4 in the ratings, instead, they're struggling to rise above a 2, what gives?

Well it's all very simple, let me break this down with one small, itemized list.

1. The first problem is an easy one. You booked Rock vs. Cena a year in advance for Wrestlemania. So right now, Rock should do what he's done the last two years, take pot-shots at Cena while the heels tease him about getting his ass kicked again for round two. Instead, he's picking on C.M. Punk.

2. C.M. Punk honestly gets the crowd to embrace him, until he says something heelish. The Rock has to work for that reaction. How does he do it? He bullies Punk and Heyman. So much for The Rock Being a STAR there. And don't get me started on what he said about Vickie. True I hate her character, but she has her own storyline right now. It makes no sense to allow her into this. But I digress. The Rock is a bully, and HE'S the GOOD guy?? The drug-free guy who everybody likes is the BAD guy, and the jock bully is the GOOD guy. WHAT??

3. The Rock hasn't earned squat. True, he WAS a champion a few times, but his last reign was in 2002. That's 11 years ago. Since then, he's made a career of promising to stay for the long haul, only to bolt the next time Disney wants an ethnically nondescript guy for a film.

If this was any other wrestling company in the world right now, they'd use him as a special guest and NOTHING more. He'd jump in the ring, thank the crowd for coming, collect a paycheck and LEAVE. Instead, you hand Mr. I-Can't-Count-On-You a title shot??

That's not only a slap in the face to the fans, who already know he's going to let them down again, that's a slap to all the other people in the back, who are going through pay-cuts right now, so this guy can pad his pension.

Oh sure, everyone is pretending right now, that adding a big name like The Rock will magically add funds to every bank account, starting with the champ and ending with the guy driving the ring truck rental, but it's not the truth. These guys are not earning any more with or without him. They're getting a PPV bonus and that's all. The Rock is eating up a salary in three months, that a Dolph Ziggler or a Kofi Kingston would have to work a YEAR to obtain.

Don't believe me? Ask any member of La Resistance how much money they NEVER EVER SAW when Rocky had his second comeback from Hollywood while they were being pushed to the background. I'll take the word of a man who actually worked there over any website, any day.

4. Time. Remember, raunchy or not, they're still mostly aiming this at the kids. Mostly the 5-8 year olds in the crowd, who after a long, hard day at school, just want to sit, relax, crack open a cold one and watch some wrestling.

But remember what I said before. The Rock's last title run was in 2002. 11 years ago. These kids were NOT alive back then.

Worse? These kids never knew him as "The Rock". They know him as the Derpy dad in "The Game Plan" or the dumb cab driver in "Race to Witch Mountain" or the out of touch moron in "Journey 2". These kids have no clue who The Rock is, but they all know who the Tooth Fairy is, and the mere thought of that pajama-wearing FREAK ever being able to take down Cena or Punk, saddens them.

On that note, I can totally sympathize. I remember being a kid. I remember when one of my favorites (Bam Bam Bigelow, may he rest in peace) had to job to L.T. I got an epic beating at school for sticking up for Bam Bam. But hey, at least L.T. was a full-time football player back then. Can you imagine the Hell that awaited the youngster last year, who championed John Cena ~ and then had his whole class watch him get beaten by the TOOTH FAIRY???

So how does WWE fix this? By re-releasing several of The Rock's best matches onto Netflix. That'll get them pumped, right?

Wrong.

You see, all of the matches have a time-stamp somewhere on the screen. And kids are really good at math. The ones who aren't have calculators in their phones.

With that said, they understand that 1998 was a really long time ago, and not exactly "recent".

Another issue is that The Rock logically, never wrestled himself. He wrestled other people. Here's how the kids see those "other guys":

The Undertaker: The old guy with the Mohawk that shows up once a year. Like Santa Claus, only he knocks out out, doesn't give you toys, makes you bleed and doesn't seem to get hit by cars.

Triple H: The loud, old guy with the big nose and the legs made out of silly string, who The Undertaker knocked out last year.

Stone Cold Steve Austin: The old guy who yelled at people on Tough Enough and drinks Daddy Juice.

Kurt Angle: The bald guy on TNA that keeps getting injured.

Brock Lesnar: The creepy guy from UFC.

The kids don't know these guys or The Rock as active, full-time, WWE guys. So you show them this footage, and they acknowledge it as what it really is. History.

Oh sure, you can whine and scream and complain all you like. You can name-call and pretend the kids are the "ignorant" and "disrespectful" ones. But you should know better by now.

The kids already know that this is ancient history, and when it comes to televised "sports entertainment" it's all about what Janet Jackson sang about in the 80's. ♫ What have you done for me late-lyyy ♪ I'm sure The Rock remembers that one well.

We bitch at the kids that ~ they ought to be thankful for the little things ~ but little things are all Rock seems to give ♫ (Yeah, I went there.)

They're already old enough at ages 5-8 to remember this guy up and leaving at the drop of a hat, and they know that he's really all about his own agenda. Not the company, not the other "good" guys, not the belt, and certainly not THE MILLIONS (and millions) of the people, who spend an entire paycheck on just 2-3 tickets to one of these shows.

The kids expect better.

Shouldn't you?

Monday, January 21, 2013

Anime-ZING: Toriko vs. The Haggard children of Anime

Admittedly, when I wrote the first Anime-zing article here, I was a little depressed. I was hoping to find a new anime to get into, but was turning up both empty and creeped out.

Fortunately I just got my wish. Since my last blog, I've finished watching all of Lucky Star, and I can officially say I am a fan. I enjoy all of the background humor of the show, and all the times Konata does something small but silly that ends up becoming a meme. Tsukasa and Miyuki I am convinced are voiced by newborn babies, and after a while, I get used to Akira's Jekyll and Hyde tantrums.

 Before mentioning the other titles I've seen, let me just say that as of last week, I am now a big Toriko fan!

Toriko is just what I was looking for. I found this completely at random on Hulu, and was sucked in by the bright and smooth animation. But more than that, it's a fun anime that's easy to follow.

Toriko is like a hybrid of Fighting Foodons, Digimon, Dragonball Z and the US cartoon Chowder. The series takes place in the far future, known as the Cuisine Age. Every thing in the world is governed by exotic food, but none of it is what we have today. All of the food comes from huge beast hybrids, such as the Fishtacio (fish + pistachio) or from fantastical plants (rainbow fruit) and in order to obtain the food, you have to hunt it down.

Toriko has an incredible super power, allowing him to take the beasts down with little effort. (I'm at episode 4) but in order to activate that power, he has to clasp his hands together, and give thanks for all the world's bounty and everything good in his life. That is a really positive message, right up there with the book "The Secret" and it works well with his character, who lives a humble life. He only kills what he'll be eating, and nothing more, and he is your standard "good guy" character.

Another thing I like is that he actually looks like a fully grown man.

Now granted, I advise people to stay away from steroids, as even "safe" amounts lead to lifelong liver, heart and reproductive damage, but I look at Toriko and I can believe that he is above the age of 21. The last anime I watched that gave me the same sensation was Dragonball Z Kai. It sounds like a small thing, but I can appreciate characters that look like they're old enough to buy a home ~ without being someone's mom, dad or grandparent come episode one.

I don't know. Maybe it's because I've bypassed year 21 in my own life, but lately I've been bothered by many anime characters and how they are drawn. I really feel there's an underlying message here that's a little creepy.

Take a look at Sailor Uranus and Sailor Moon here.
(Yes I know Moon has the wrong locket for this photo.)

Sailor Moon looks youthful with her big, bright eyes and her larger, more round head, while Uranus has eyes that are smaller, her face is longer, and you get the sense that she's had a long, haggard existence. She has the face of the woman you'd see at a bar. No, not the hoe or the drunkard, the one with a few miles on her face and the brain brimming with memories of a hard life on the road. You look at the two and you'd automatically guess that Uranus is the older one.

By the time you get halfway through Sailormoon #8, Sailor Uranus already has her own home, a helicopter, her own car and driver's license, a common-law arrangement with Sailor Neptune, and an adopted baby daughter. She also has had two lifetimes worth of battling, and as mentioned has those miles creeping up on her face. She is every bit a veteran and it shows.

But would you believe they're just a year apart in age??

That's right! When Sailor Uranus debuts, she's only 16, while Sailor Moon celebrates her 15th birthday partially through Sailormoon S. But look at them. Uranus looks like she's old enough to have given birth to a teenager! But she herself is still in high school!!

Now granted, there is a back story that explains all of this, and by the time Parallel Sailormoon rolls around (by this point, both are in their 30's), the two really don't look any different than they do here, but still, Uranus represents something that kind of bothers me in anime. The Haggard Youngster.

When I first started learning how to draw in a manga-style, I learned that this is part of an old trick. The younger your character is, the bigger the eyes and the rounder the head. But the older, and more mature she is, the longer her face gets and the smaller her eyes become. I'm not sure if I really agree with that. Even more disturbing is when you see titles that make the above 21 crowd look like they're ready for retirement. Cowboy Bebop is a prime example of this issue.

From left to right, Jet (age 36) looks like he's somebody's grandpa, Spike (age 27) in most episodes looks like he's in his 40's, Faye (age 23 at time of freezing, 77 after thawing) looks like she's seen better decades, while Edward (age 13) is drawn like a model. This is really bothersome.

Many anime, manga and manga-related titles portray people in their 20's as looking like someone's mom or dad, with teenagers being drawn to look like the ideal date. That may be fine if you're making a series pitched to the under 18 crowd, but when you're looking at a TV14 series, and the "hot chick" isn't even old enough to buy her own Happy Meal, that's crazy and a cause for major concern.

But more and more, I'm finding titles that just make me cringe. Here's a short list:

Tantei Opera Milky Holmes actually hurt my feelings, I was that disappointed. Before I migrated my blogging habit from MySpace to BlogSpot, I previewed the series on a short post.

You probably can guess by now that being a baby of the 80's, I adore bright colors, so yes, this distracted me. Milky Holmes has both sugary-light colors and dark, Gothic colors, depending on which scene is playing. Add to it a pink haired, blue eyed girl, reminiscent of Parallel Sailormoon's Kousagi, and you have my attention for 20 minutes. The initial video I saw ran just about that long, and I really thought this was the entire cut of episode one. What I saw on YouTube was a smart comedy, about four girls, each with super powers and the detective skills of Sherlock Holmes. I even heard there were a few video games (more on that in a bit) preceding the anime, and all in all, the show looked like a harmless, superhero show for all ages.

Well what I did not know was that the video I saw online was fan-edited. I watched the entire first season on Crunchyroll, hoping to see some adventure.

What I got instead was a short series about four innocent tweens who lose their superpowers (known as toys) and then get mercilessly bullied by the entire country of Japan for 12 episodes. Even worse, the girls themselves are often drawn in situations where they are posed like Hentai girls, and their teacher is a legit pedophile, who is constantly begging the kids in class to stare at his sharp-as-knives nipples. I can't even imagine what kind of creep would draw this, thinking it was a good idea. >_O The ending credits video features the girls spread-eagle over a bed in their underwear, while the main villain (later turned less evil) is seen wearing nothing more than caution tape. I shouldn't have to feel like Chris Hansen is at the door with the Dateline van every time I watch an anime.

Another issue with the anime is the de-powering of the characters. Remember when I said there's a few video games for Milky Holmes? Well in the video games, you play as each of the girls as they solve crimes and use their powers for good.

Well whoever drew the Milky Holmes anime decided that there was something wrong with tween girls having super powers, so contrary to the video games, all of the girls were stripped of their powers, stripped of their intelligence, and dropped into a ruthless school.

It's the same problem the first Sailormoon anime had. Chibiusa and the Amazoness Quartet are extremely powerful in the manga, but are practically harmless in the anime. Several other anime titles have the same problem, where their video game or manga counterparts are de-powered for television. It's something that really does need to stop.

Koi Koi Seven was recently added to Hulu, and has a very misleading app cover. Please do your best to avoid this title. The actual promo pic (not pictured) shows a feisty girl with a very large mech behind her, and it is listed as a comedy. So I checked out episode one, thinking this was a Gundam spoof.

As soon as the show starts, you see two girls on a bike, trying to outrun a team of other schoolgirls, blasting them in extremely large, military grade vehicles. Much of the episode has random acts of violence... with no plot! There's no given reason for why the girls are trying to wipe each other out, and the audience is expected to believe that five out of the first 7 girls also have superpowers, one can pull assault riffles out of thin air, and that all of this is normal and needs no explanation.

And nobody knows where the parents are, and the teacher and principal are both in on it.

Making it more disturbing are scenes of the girls randomly undressed, randomly being shamed, and in one scene (mind you, this is all in episode one) there's an underage lesbian rape scene. All of these girls are freaking underage!!

Also, we have a very unrealistic (yes I'm using that word) sub-story, around the main character ~ who is a very skinny, wimpy nerd, who is dropped into an all-girls school with no explanation, and then is suddenly stuck with a girl with exceptionally large breasts, moving into his house while he's not home, and making room for all of her girlfriends.

Picking up from that sub-plot is Kemeko DX. Again, we have a high-strung, wimpy boy in high school, who suddenly ends up with a hot chick inviting herself into his house.

If you've seen Lum/Urusei Yatsura, then you already know what this show is about, as it rips from the Rumiko Takahashi series left and right. If you haven't seen Lum before, either Google it or ask your parents, as the manga was sold in select shops in the United States during the 1980's.

The lead character in Kemeko (much like Lum) is an alien. When she was about 6 years old, she met a little boy her own age named Sanpeita, and decided they were going to be married when she returns to Earth in 10 years. The day she makes good on her promise, she arrives in the creepiest little mech-robot possible. The robot is named Kemeko, and good JEBUS she has the most soulless, dead eyes ever. Oh, and of course, ripping from Lum again, there are other, unbelievably hot chicks, trying to get Sanpeita's attention.

Tenchi Muyo, Kemeko DX, Lum, Koi Koi 7, all of them star skinny, high strung, wimpy control freaks, who somehow end up with all these women. WHYEEE??? Ladies take a good look at him! He is everything you should NOT be with, the way he treats you is abysmal at best, he's stupid, he's constantly afraid of gaining weight and what people think of him, he's caught up in his own ways, and even his own parents hate him. Why would ANYBODY want to be with one of these guys??

Which takes me back to Toriko and why I like the title character. Toriko is strong, polite, positive, sure in himself, and is not afraid to gain a few vanity pounds. If any of these anime girls should be fawning over any man, it should be someone like him.... provided they can finish growing up first.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Don't let your folks give you trust issues.

A friend of mine was hurt pretty badly by her dad recently, and sadly she's not the only one. More and more, I'm finding people in my age group who have really BAD relationships with at least one parent.

I have no idea what exactly happened here, but sometime in the 1980's, a number of self-centered, spoiled, out-of-touch, abusive, manipulative, Douche-bag ala-modes, started having unprotected sex. The result was my generation.

Most of us have ONE parent that we have had a decent parent-to-child relationship with. This is the "good" parent, the one that actually sent payment to the utility companies (that's not the same as bringing money home, you know), stayed up with us when we were sick, offered advice when we all should have known better, and actually took the time to remember who is on what medication.

Then there's the DOUCHE parent.

The one that throws temper tantrums ~ complete with screaming, crying and hitting ~ whenever they don't get their way with us, but cower in the corner every time an adult with a doctor's uniform says "no".

The one who walks out on you, seemingly forever, only to come back into your life when he/she feels like it, and start bossing you around ~ even after you grew up.

The one who never gets to know you personally (likes, dislikes, ect.) but throws a tantrum when you won't let he/she blather on about themselves.

The one that beats you up physically to make themselves feel big and strong, beats you mentally to make themselves feel powerful, and then has the nerve to bitch and complain that you never spend time with them. He/she will then insist they have no friends, threaten suicide, and then call all 10 of their real-life friends to talk about what a horrid bitch/bastard you are, and how they wish you'd move away.

The one that insists that if we were all dead or living elsewhere, he/she "wouldn't have to" bend over backwards, bust his/her ass, put food on the table, roof over the head, dear God I have memorized every one of these childish claims. Funny thing is? They all talk like this ~ but not ONE of them is welcome to move back in with Grandma or Grandpa. EVER.

The one that drinks heavily, wastes money on stupid ventures or other BAD things, and then has the nerve to throw a hissy fit about money if you dare to purchase a new t-shirt... from the Goodwill.

This is the clown that will turn every moment into the ME show, and then get pissy when he/she is not the center of the universe.

Yeah. I have a "parent" like that.

It's amazing, I have babysat plenty of badass kids, and not ONCE have any of them been even close to the level of difficulty of one of these jerks.

Worse? I know more than one person with BOTH parents acting this badly ~ and step parents too! Now those are the people who deserve my sympathy right there.

But one thing that bothers me, is when a bad relationship with a spoiled brat parent, translates into permanent trust issues, and the re-posting of 100 or so DeviantArt Photoshops.

You know the kind. They have a sad, sometimes sobbing, teenage girl in the background all blurry, or the image of two teens holding each other, and they have words in the front of them. Either a poem about abuse, a warning about not forcing people to kill themselves, or a message about her disappearing from your life.

They are ineffective and are often marked as spam, but seemingly this is the only way some of these wrongfully abused victims can express themselves.

(Thank you so, bloody, much public school system, for killing the arts program.)

After seeing a photoshop about a girl who does not have the ability to trust anybody, based on her father being a jackass, I was compelled to write this:


" I have a lousy, nonexistent relationship with my dad. He's the type that will "swear" he loves you, only to tell you how badly he wishes the condom didn't break next time he has a fight with you.

Growing up, he'd make up excuses as to why he wouldn't spend time with me, he cheated on my mom ALOT, forged her signature on several credit cards that he used to spend money on other women, beer and really super GIRLY stuff for himself. He took me away from my elderly relatives on my mom's side ~ so I could waste time being moved across country for 6 years, and when I came back, everybody I missed was either dead, dying or had moved away. I came back to nobody waiting for me. And there were plenty of times he'd pick at the parts of me that aren't White, despite the fact that he's the idiot that married a Mulatto in the first stupid place!

But even with all that, I realized that I can't have trust issues based off of ONE guy. That's all he is. ONE human being. ONE person, among several BILLION on this planet.

If your dad ~ or anybody else for that matter ~ walked out on you, hurt you, abandoned you or did anything else bad to you, drop them like the bad habit they are, and move on. There are BILLIONS of other people in this world that are NOT him, and you already have several who care for you."

I very much stand by that.

Walgreen's causes divorces.

A short while ago, I posted a piece on what guys are NOT told about women. I did this specifically to save a few lives this Valentine's Day season as each year, I hear the most horrifying stories from people who did not mean to, but ended up crossing a line and wound up in the fight of their lives. If you haven't read it yet, please do. I even outlined a CHEAP way to survive the day that shouldn't cost you more than $10-20.

Today however I learned that the company I have been doing much of my shopping with is actually responsible for perpetuating the myth that women will accept last minute "gas station" gifts on the heart-filled holiday.

That's right! The company your grandparents were raised on, has been betraying innocent men for as long as they have been open. I am talking about Walgreen's.

I found this out by accident. I went to the website, because I saw a funny box of chocolates at the store, but didn't have my camera with me. So I thought "Hey! I'll just send my friend the link to the funny box I saw." Totally innocent, right?

(For the record, it's a box of candy with duct tape and barbed wire on it.)

So I went to the Walgreen's page. Not only didn't I find the box I was looking for, the Valentine's Day page hasn't been updated since 2011. Now that's not suspicious, right?? That's not all that's wrong, please, enlarge the screen cap I took:

Now why in the name of Kabuki Man riding a three wheeled Hummer would cause an American company to outright LIE to it's men???

What would posses a company to tell a bunch of unsuspecting men "KI-DEEERP if you am buy her a razor blade and an As Seen On TV gift, an sammich it in a funnel with a Dinty Moore, she'll LOVE it!!

NO!!! No woman would appreciate that. This is where divorces start!! 

So shame on you Walgreen's. For shame that you would do this.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Wanna work at TNA? It's GUT CHECK time!! (Oh and WWE has a camp.)

(NOTE: WWE camp information is way down below, for the two of you who asked.)

Wanna have a chance at a chance at a chance of working at TNA iMpact Wrestling, alongside your childhood favorites, such as Hulk Hogan, Sting and RVD? Then this is the blog for YOU! (Maybe?)

Last year, TNA introduced a fun concept called Open Fight Night. It's a once a month "anything goes" type of show on iMpact, where anybody who wants a match can have one with little argument.

As part of Open Fight night, we're treated to a sub-series called "Gut Check". Each week, one lucky Indy star will be allowed to have a match in the ring. At first it was only against already established members of the TNA roster, but this month, they upped the ante a little bit by having TWO Indy wrestlers fight each other.

Now the process for getting onto Gut Check is not quite as simple as it appears on television. Here's how the whole thing works:


1. You apply online (link and additional info below) and send in your match videos, photo, trainer's name and the names of every place you've ever wrestled in your entire career. You will need to have at least a GED, High School Diploma or regular college degree in order to make it. No drop-outs or trade school graduates allowed. You will also need to provide them with your current non-wrestling occupation and a list of other sports you have played. (Payment is also sent, more below.)

2. You wait and see if anybody calls you back. If they do, you head out on your dime to the Gut Check seminar closest to you. Bring your best gear as you may end up wrestling here and perhaps at a house show or two, again on your dime.

3. IF they like what they see, in a few months, you may be added to an online poll. Get your fans to vote for you. NOTE: Your REAL NAME will be posted on the site, instead of your ring name.

4. IF they are pleased with the results, you may receive a phone call. Pack your bags and head on out to the next TNA Impact Wrestling taping.

5. Wrestle whomever you're in the ring with like this is the best night of your life. If you're allowed mic time, cut the best promo of your life, don't choke and hope and pray the equipment works okay and that the crowd follows you.

6. Go home until next week. You will need to fly back out for the next show. Yes, on your dime.
6 a.  Unless they pre-tape a few episodes in advance, in which case, sit down & wait to be called.

7. The judges will now call you into the ring. If the "yes" vote is not unanimous, you will be asked to cut a "kick-out" promo. Cut the best damn "this is why I belong here" promo of your life in under 30 seconds.

8. If not approved, go home. If approved, you will be sent to OVW, until someone can think of something. Waiting time is anywhere from one week to 6 months, depending upon how well you do being re-trained at OVW.

Sound simple? Well here is the application if you want to make it onto Gut Check.

However, please be advised of the two fees involved:

There is a $20 non-refundable application fee that must be paid when you submit your application. If you are accepted into Gut Check, you will be notified via email no later than 7 days prior to the event. At that time, you will be required to pay the remaining balance due ($230) and sign the liability waiver as well as a media release.

Good luck...

UPDATE: And it seems WWE is already holding their own "Gut Check" too. Their last major TNA-alike camp was in October. Here is the leftover information from that, along with a link to the current application:


Annual WWE Clinic - Tryouts
THIS CAMP IS SOLD OUT AND WE ARE NO LONGER ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS
WHEN: September 28 - October 1, 2012 (Like I said, scroll down for the next application.)

WHERE: Tampa Arena
4535 S. Dale Mabry Hwy. Tampa, Fl 33611

TRAINERS:
Steve Keirn
Bill DeMott
Dusty Rhodes
Ricky Steamboat Norman Smiley
Terry Taylor
Joey Mercury
COST: $1,000
A minimum of 1 WWE contract to be awarded

REGISTRATION
Send Resume along with deposit of $500 to:
NXT Wrestling
4535 S. Dale Mabry Hwy.
Tampa, Fl 33611

HOTELS:
Sheraton Suites
4400 W. Cypress St. Tampa, Fl
(813) 873-8675 Tahitian Inn
601 S. Dale Mabry Hwy. Tampa, Fl
(813) 877-6721

Current link via NXT is right here. They are no longer taking applicants under 18 and the list of requirements are on the page.

Only in the top two wrestling companies do you have to pay for a chance at a job. 

When it comes to retail, food, secret shopper, doctor, dentist and any other job, you are advised not to pay ANYBODY for the "right" to work. Google it.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Chicken says No.

When you start to plan a move, you tend to look through the things you've collected while you've been in the house, and you remember all the little things that make you nostalgic for the first turn of that key...

Or in my case, it makes you pack a hell of alot faster.

When I first got settled into the house that is soon to become a Wal*Mart, I remember opening up a newspaper. It was April of 2007, and I was getting over being sick, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend the time than by reading a newspaper ~ at least until the TV guy showed up. (That's another story.)

Upon opening the ever thinning paper, I came across a story that grabbed hold of my attention. At first I thought "I must still be sick, because that just sounds stupid" but upon putting my reading glasses on, I realized I was not making a mistake.

Man taken into custody in downstate Indiana after molesting chicken to death.

You now have my undivided attention.

Now, I could have put the paper down. But when you hear or read a story that absurd, you just have to read the rest of it. You can't stop. You can't help yourself. If you don't find out what happened, it will eat at you for the rest of your life. You'll go crazy, trying to draw up conclusions on scrap paper, scribbling on chalkboards. You'll start talking in your sleep and loved ones will find you face-down in the toilet, trying to flush the damn thing out of your head.

So knowing I would hate myself in the morning, I turned the page, and read the story.

During the Spring of 2007, a serial animal rapist was taken into custody.

Serial? Yes, apparently an arrest warrant was issued on the man, after the third time he had been seen molesting a cat. In the span of four months, he had molested a total of two dogs, four cats and three chickens, the third chicken he had stolen from his friend's farm.

Now the first three animals he molested were alley animals, and were all later adopted out.

Let me stop a moment so you can let that seep in. How on Earth do you adopt out a dog or a cat in that situation?? I can see it now. After a lengthy and harassing commercial, featuring Willie Nelson and Sarah McGlaughlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan singing about abused animals in a shelter, a young family pops into the Humane Society. A little boy spots Rover in the corner, shaking violently and howling when he sees the boy's father. The parents ask what's wrong with him, and the clerk says:

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!! His last owner turned him around and banged him like a Salvation Army Drum, rode him up and down the street like a wheelbarrow an' then he downed a 5 Hour Energy shot an' tried to perform the bedroom yoga like he was a caffeinated mail order bride. But I'll give ya a $10 discount if ya get him chipped an' neutered today!!

So moving on..

The first three animals he abused were alley animals, and all of them have good homes now. The rest of the animals came from his friend's farm.

Now his friend took him in off the streets, thinking that he was just down on his luck. But then he started noticing that his animals all acted funny around the guy, and he could no longer control them.

One night, he caught the guy abusing his chickens, and he realized that this pervert is no longer his friend. The two had an argument, and then the man stole the friend's chicken. The friend then called the cops.

A few hours later, the police got a phone call from a woman at a hotel nearby, saying that she felt something was wrong with one of her guests. Police broke in to find the man sobbing uncontrollably.

Somehow, he had smuggled the chicken into a room, and had proceeded to molest it, without anybody at the hotel realizing it.

Unfortunately, in the heat of passion, he accidentally broke the chicken's neck, and it died.

The man was crying, because he had zero intention of killing the chicken, despite it leaving claw marks all over him.

But when the police examined the room, they only found pieces of the chicken left over.

... This hotel had a mini-stove in the room.

Now the article goes on to say that the man was really sorry the chicken died, and he had said in the testimony that he truthfully loved the chicken, and was convinced it was his soul mate.

The article ends there.

... Leaving something unanswered...

......

Did you EAT the chicken too? And if so, was it rotisserie style? Did you fry it? Did you bake it? Was it a deep fry or pan fry?

We may never really know.

EDIT: My mom found the newspaper article. Turns out this was in upstate Indiana, my bad, here's the article:

"

After chicken feathers and blood were found all over a room at a Valparaiso Motel, Valparaiso police were called to investigate. The room was found to have been rented to Michael Bessigano, a 30-year-old Valparaiso man with a history of harming and having sex with animals. Police questioned Bessigano and said he admitted having had sex with a chicken. 

Bessigano was booked into Porter County Jail on a felony animal cruelty charge. "Because this is the third crime against animals he's been charged with, he is also being charged as a habitual offender," said Chief Deputy Prosecutor Brian Gensel. He faces up to 7 1/2 years in prison if convicted of both charges. "He's got problems and hopefully he will be getting some help," said Valparaiso Detective Lt. Mike Brickner. "He has these urges that need to be addressed." 

Brickner said Bessigano stole a chicken from a chicken farm, took the chicken to his motel room which he'd just rented that one night, and plucked its feathers so he could have sex with it. Bessigano then had sex with the animal and it died, Brickner said. Although Bessigano has been out of jail since January, police said this is his first run-in with the law this year. "There's no indication he's done this (animal abuse) recently prior to that night," Brickner said. The owner of the motel told police he had no idea Bessigano was a convicted animal abuser. Motel officials discovered the blood and feathers when they went to clean the room. 

Bessigano's animal abuse dates back to 1991 when he was arrested twice, once after being accused of breaking a rooster's neck and once after he was found in a neighbor's goose pen apparently attempting to molest the geese. He was also accused of having sex with and killing a Rottweiler dog at a rural Crown Point ranch in 1992. He was convicted of theft and cruelty to an animal, and was imprisoned until 1994. A month after his release, he was arrested in connection with the attempted theft of a German Shepherd dog from some property in St. John Township. He was returned to prison, then was transferred to prison psychiatric care. He spent time behind bars after he was charged with biting a health care provider at Logansport's psychiatric unit in 1999. 

He was released on probation in January and had been living with a family member in Valparaiso. Bessigano has said he slept with dead animals, including a raccoon, when he was a child. While in jail, he would sleep under his cot, paint cat-like stripes on his body and make drawings referring to himself as "master of cats." A complete nutter."

Yes indeed.