Monday, February 20, 2012

Pro Wrestling Respect: Inaugural



Was looking forward to this for the longest time. If not for my personal budget issues, I would have bought this much sooner. This is a great, all ages show that doesn’t beat anyone over the head with skits or PG stunts.

Pro Wrestling Respect: Inaugural
January 24, 2010

We open up with a video package, followed by several introductions by the PWR cast. This is a great introduction for new fans, each backstage segment is short and to the point. A welcome change from mainstream, televised promos.

1. Rhett Titus vs. “Big Bad” Bobby Dempsey ~ This match is preceded by a video package, showcasing the career of Bobby Dempsey. Derek Dempsey is at ringside. The rules of PWR are shown. Bell rings and Bobby starts things off by punching Rhett. Bobby is in control of the match, sends Rhett to the outside with an Atomic Drop. Bobby chases Rhett around the ring, and the two re-enter. Rhett attempts a body slam to no avail. Bobby body slams Rhett. After a standing drop kick, Rhett starts to gain a little momentum. Rhett launches Bobby with an Irish Whip, does NOT see a power slam heading his way. 2-count. Rhett gains momentum again. Bobby survives two knee drops from Rhett. Splashes Rhett in the corner twice, drops Rhett, then gains a victory with a 747 Splash.

We see Rickey Reyes enter the backstage area, then we go to a video package about the Bravado Brothers, detailing their background and what PWR means to them. This is followed by a backstage segment with Prince Nana and Marker Dillinger.

2. Mr. Ernesto Osiris and Marker Dillinger vs. Lance and Harlem Bravado ~ Ernesto sends Marker to the ring first. Harlem opens with a front face lock. Marker reverses. Short back and forth between the two. Marker with a shoulder tackle, bounces from the ropes and into a hip toss by Harlem. Ernesto is tagged in. Takes his time removing articles of his suit and is taken down by Lance. Ernesto is taken to the corner where Harlem tags back in. After a little back and forth, Lance tags, then Marker tags back in, taking down Lance. Ernesto tags in and delivers a vertical suplex. Marker tags back in and goes for a body slam. 2-count. Lance tries to take out Marker and Ernesto, but Marker trips him. Ernesto tags in and gets a 2. Ernesto goes for the rubs of Lance. Marker tags in for a 2. Marker locks on a sleeper hold but Lance drops him. Ernesto prevents Harlem from tagging in. Ernesto tags in and is in control of the match. Ernesto and Marker go to double team, but Lance hits them both with a double clothesline. Harlem tags in. Super kick to Marker, grabs Marker’s head, Ernesto tries to break it up but is greeted with a super kick. Harlem is decimating the competition. Harlem gains a win with a Frog Splash. Ernesto and Marker refuse to shake hands.

Midge goes for a backstage interview, but Ernesto is screaming at Marker.

Grizzly is sent out to referee the next match.

3. MsChif vs. Jamilia Craft ~ We open with a picture-in-picture note from Grizzly as the two women shake hands. A slow grapple from MsChif leads to Jamilia aiming for a sleeper hold. MsChif reverses it into a scissor kick on the canvas. The two go back and forth, but MsChif counters a running move from Jamilia with a drop toe hold. Jamilia lands neck first into the bottom rope. Jamilia gets up. Jamilia lands a sunset flip for a 2. MsChif goes for a sleeper attempt. MsChif bends Jamilia to the point where her head almost touches her toes. Goes for an Irish Whip but Jamilia reverses, sending MsChif into the turnbuckle. Jamilia is soon countered, and MsChif has the girl laid out. Jamilia goes for a school boy for a 2. Jamilia drops an Inverted DDT on MsChif. Jamilia loses the mask and flies from the turnbuckles with fists, bounces from the ropes with a clothesline. Drops MsChif for a 2. Crowd is getting vocal, but MsChif drops Jamilia to the canvas for a 3 count.

Jamilia is walked out of the ring and handed her mask back.

Backstage we see Delirious getting ready for his match. This is followed by a commercial for the ROH Academy.

4. Celso Rivera (With Sly Stetson) vs. The Ninja Cheetah ~ Sly opens up with a promo against the “Smelly New Jersey” crowd, questioning why Celso has to wrestle against a ninja. The Ninja enters and does a ton of moves. He goes for a handshake. Celso grabs his hand, knee to the gut, picks him up, drops him for a 3. Sly asks “Are you serious?! We need competition!!”

5. Celso Rivera vs. Ninja Red ~ Red enters the ring, Celso drops him for a 3 count. Sly is appalled. He announces Celso as having a record of 2-0. “Who’s next? A Scarecrow?”

6. Celso Rivera vs. Pelle Premeau ~ Pelle knocks the hell out of Celso, nails him with a tilt-a-whirl. Celso drops Pelle for a 2 count. Pelle kicks out of a suplex attempt, then aims for Celso’s neck. Gets a 2-count. Pelle tries to hyper-extend Celso’s arm, then puts him is a series of holds. Pelle quite literally ties Celso up in a pretzel, but Celso gets out. Pelle goes for a cross body from the top rope, but Celso reverses it into a fallaway slam. Celso has Pelle in a submission attempt, then takes him to the corner. Distracts the ref while Sly tries to choke Pelle. Pelle gets back with a 2 count, Celso drops Pelle to the canvas. 2 count. Celso with a gut wrench suplex, followed by a second. Pelle goes for a hurricanrana for a 2 count. Pelle bitch slaps Celso. Pelle with a springboard splash into a double-stomp. Tilt-a-whirl into an armbar into a pin attempt for 2. Tilt-a-whirl is reversed, Pelle reverses the reversal mid air. Celso drops Pelle for a 3 count.

Pelle is helped out.

We go to a video about Shane Hagadorn’s Ring of Honor career. Hagadorn details each of the surgeries he’s needed since his debut.

7. Christian Merino, Rob Wolf and Shane Hagadorn vs. Jacob Chamber, Professor Milo Shizo and Alex Payne ~ Before we get to the match, Midge gets a brief interview with Pelle about Pelle’s loss to Celso. Hagadorn starts by taking Payne aside and delivering a slap. Alex hits back much harder. Back and forth between the two. Milo tags in as does Merino. Milo dominates, then tags in Chamber. Chamber with a snapmare, but Merino is able to get back up with a body slam. Wolf tags in, stomping Chamber in the corner. Hagadorn tags in, working Chamber’s arm. Tags in Merino after a 2 count. Chamber tags in Milo. Milo reverses a move from Merino into a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. Hagadorn tags in. Hagadorn gets a 2 count. Wolf tags in. Lays into Milo. Merino tags back in. 2 count. Merino counters an Irish Whip attempt with a belly to back suplex. Hagadorn tags in, nails a jackhammer for 2. Tries to yoink off Milo’s mask. Milo gets a 2 with a small package. Wolf tags back in. Wolf isolates Milo in the corner. Hagadorn tags in again. Alex breaks up a pin attempt by Hagadorn. Milo on the top rope. Head-butt, tags in Alex. Alex takes down the competition, then drops Hagadorn with a fisherman suplex for a 2. Hagadorn lands an STO on Alex. Wolf tags in. Hagadorn and Wolf land a double shoulder tackle onto Alex. Hagadorn back in, Alex lands a suplex into a bridge for a 2. Chamber is tagged in. Chamber with a splash for a 2. Chaos erupts. Merino hands Hagadorn Knuxs. Hagadorn KO’s Chamber for a 3 count.

We go to a video about the career of Andy Ridge.

8. Orange Cassidy vs. Andy “Right Leg” Ridge ~ Cassidy barely touches Andy’s hand, and is like “I shook it okay??” Picture and Picture we see Midge getting a post match interview with Shane Hagadorn as Cassidy is sent to the outside. Andy is beating the hell out of Cassidy. Cassidy takes a breather, then returns to the ring. Bounces from the ropes into Andy’s foot. Cassidy steals someone’s bag and tosses it in. Cassidy spits orange juice at Andy while the ref is distracted. Body slam into a leg drop. Goes for a pin but Andy has the rope. Cassidy slows down the match, then lands a dropkick onto Andy. Cassidy is in control. Andy is soon sent to the outside, landing on Orange’s juice. Fight is taken to the outside. Back in the ring, Andy gains a second wind. Several running drop kicks to Cassidy’s head. SICK DDT from the middle rope by Cassidy for a 2. Cassidy tries to squeeze Andy’s head. Is kicked in the head mighty quick. Tries it again. Andy rolls him up for a 2. Andy wins with a superkick to Cassidy.

We see Rayna Tosh and Daizee Haze warming up for their match.

Next we have a video package about Daizee.

9. Rayna Von Tosh vs. Daizee Haze ~ We start with a tie-up as teacher and student brawl on the ropes. Great back and forth. Rayna is in control of the match, working Daizee’s arms. Daizee finds herself outside the ring, drops her student’s legs, then drags her to the outside. The two brawl all around the ring, stopping briefly here and there to break up the 10 count. Daizee gets a 2 count. Daizee goes for a submission. Rayna grabs Daizee by her headband. Daizee hits a drop toe hold then rolls her into a submission attempt. Rayna gets the ropes. Daizee with a DDT to Rayna’s leg into an Achilles lock. Half crab attempt but Rayna again grabs the rope. Fisherman is reversed into a suplex by Rayna. Rayna with a couple of back elbows. Pin attempts from both. Rayna reverses the heart punch, dropping Daizee for a 2. Missile dropkick from Daizee, followed by a heart punch and the mind trip for a 3.

Rayna is helped out as we see Delirious getting ready.

Video package about Ricky Reyes, then a separate one for Delirious.

10. “The Human Crippler” Ricky Reyes vs. “The buzzsaw magician” Delirious ~ Ricky kicks Delirious’s hand away. Good back and forth, Delirious tries a Half-Nelson, but Ricky sends Delirious into the turnbuckle. Delirious with a waistlock, Ricky reverses, Delirious sends him to the outside, then greets him with a baseball slide-kick. Fight to the outside leaves Delirious down while Ricky returns to the ring. 9-count and Delirious is back. Ricky with an armbar while the two are seated on the canvas. Ricky pulls the tassels, and the ref yells at him. The action slows down as Ricky puts Delirious on the top rope. Goes for a superplex but Delirious pushes him off. Leaps over Ricky. Delirious has a second wind, intense back and forth. Ricky performs a superplex off the top rope, Delirious lands then turns this into a pin for a 2 count. Ricky with a tiger suplex into a bridge for a 2. Elbows to Delirious’s head. Delirious with a tilt-a-whirl followed by head shots to the turnbuckle and a panic attack. Delirious with a cobra clutch attempt. Ricky with a powerbomb for a 2. Picture in picture with Midge interviewing Daizee. Ricky and Delirious trading head-butts and punches. Delirious with an enziguri. Delirious wins with a bizarro driver.

Ricky is reluctant to shake Delirious’s hand. Low blows Delirious, tosses ref to the corner, grabs a chair from under a fan, but the locker room piles out. The wrestlers tend to Delirious while Ricky decides to back off. Pelle takes the mic . Pelle explains what Pro Wrestling Respect is and how Ricky is unwanted. Pelle states that the next time he sees Ricky, he will beat respect into him. Delirious thanks everyone for attending. Picture in picture we see Midge interviewing Ricky. Ricky claims he doesn’t need to shake anybody’s hand because he is the best in the world.

Show closes with Midge and Eric signing off. Cue credits.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Time to make the donuts. HELLO?? I SAID TIME TO MAKE THE DONUTS, BITCH!!

The following blog contains harsh language… for a very good reason.

First of all, Hello Kitty Tramp Stamp:

Yeah, that’s how I was greeted today at Walgreen’s.

I was under the impression that I live in America, a land of total consumerism and abundance.

Apparently I am WRONG.

Just walked out to the local Walgreen’s for a half-pint of cream. Silly me! I thought I’d get some cream for my coffee, and a couple of Dunkin Donut’s Chocolate Heart donuts, and have a happy. Simple enough plan, right?

Well Walgreen’s doesn’t have cream. They don’t even believe it exists, and the bitch at the counter is usually adamant that traditional cream (you know, that thick stuff they scrape off of cow’s milk) hasn’t been sold here in 150 years…. Despite the fact that my local Jewel has it.

So what did I get? Half & Half. Guess what that is? Half milk and half CREAM!!! But you know what? It’s not the same as cream. Not the same taste or consistency. It’s what happens when you’ve milked the cow almost totally dry, and this was all that was left in the udder. But hey, I’ll drink it anyway, at least I know where it came from. Not like Coffee Mate, which is essentially a science experiment.

So it’s off to Dunkin Donuts. But before Mama and I get there ~

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH*

I see this dude zoom right up to the back of a minivan. After the light changes, his car is literally PUSHING the minivan ahead of him. There are several scared kids inside the minivan, freaking out, because this jackass is pushing their car!

In jest, I said to my mom “Look at this guy. I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEED to get the Donuts!! OMG I’m gonna die, GET OUTTA THE WAY I SUPER NEED MY DONUTS!!” imitating the man behind the wheel.

SON OF A BITCH I WAS JOKING!!! The dude for real nudges the minivan into the path of an oncoming truck, just so he can get the first parking spot at Dunkin Donuts. Un-fucking-believable. I was screaming in the path of this asshole “SON OF A BITCH I WAS KIDDING!! I WAS JUST KIDDING!! You really WERE going to kill a van full of kids for a fucking donut??”

Dude looked at me like I was the one with the problem. His teenaged kid looks up with the standard “What-Everrrrr” glance that was oh so very trendy in 1997. You know what? Have at ya. Go on ahead wit’cha redneck, donut killing selves. I hope to see you next year on MTV’s Teen Mom.

So I finally get to the counter, and the place is barren. There’s not even two dozen donuts left on the shelf.

=_O And NO…

Chocolate…

Heart…

Donuts.

Which was… the #1 reason why I wanted to trek out here in the first place!!

Now the chocolate heart donut is a sweet concoction. There is a thick, vanilla frosting center, and the donut is topped with a thick chocolate frosting with chocolate chips. It’s a delectable confectionary that I had been wanting all damn week. It’s not like I have donuts every day, so on the occasion that I do, I want to have a donut that will satisfy my craving for a long, long time. And I have my change saved up, I walked all the way out here, WHEREISMYDONUT???

So I asked “Jestina” behind the counter “How long will it take you to make more donuts?”

“Oh see I dunno….. you know like I’ve only just started working here Like I I I dunnooooo”

=_O

“Okay, well I can see someone else is working back there, ask him!”

Sleepy Employee: Ehh? Meh. Eeeehh.

Jestina: Oh see no. We like we don’t like make donuts here, nooo.

=_O

Me: Let me get this straight. You don’t make donuts… AT DUNKIN DONUTS?????

Jestina: Oh see we don’t nooo we don’t make donuts here. It’s just… no.

=_O WHAT????

Now I usually forget that this establishment also has a Baskin Robbins attached, so the Baskin Robbins lady says “Well can’t you just take the heart JELLY donut? It’s kinda the same thing..”

“NO IT IS NOT!! IT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE!! IT’S NOT EVEN IN THE SAME HEMISPHERE!!”

I glare at the two workers with the most incredulous stare I can muster.

“Do you know what the JELLY donut is? It’s corn syrup in a packet of Kool-Aid. It’s NOT the same as a chocolate frosted donut with vanilla frosting in the center!!”

“Well *TCH Ahhhh* Like it’s Valentine’s Day. That donut goes way quick. You should have come earlier.”

Now I am seething. “If you KNOW that damned donut is the FIRST to sell out… WHY the fuck didn’t you make more?!?!?!”

Now think about this a moment. We live in America, land of abundance. And this is a mid-western Dunkin Donuts establishment. I promise you they have earned enough money for the flour, eggs, sugar and chocolate it takes to fill the whole fucking building up with chocolate heart donuts.

Can you imagine if this happened to you in another establishment??

When you go to McDonald’s, you say “Hey, I want a Big Mac.” And they hand you a Big Mac and ask if you want fries with that. You ask them for a Quarter Pounder with cheese? Guess what. What you want is what you get at McDonald’s today.

When you waltz into Burger King and ask for a Whopper, what do you get? Do you get Jestina? “Oh sorry.. we don’t know we, we don’t cook the burgers here.” NO!! You get a mithafuckin’ WHOPPER!!

So excuse the piss outta me, but when I walk into a Dunkin muthafuckin Donuts, guess what? I WANT MY MUTHAFUCKIN’ DONUT!!

You know what pisses me off the most? I applied for work here, more than once. I consider myself to be hard working and dependable. Two things Jestina and Ms. Baskin Donuts can’t even hope to be. Is it really THAT hard to fry up a donut??

Guess what Mom bought? The last discernible donuts they had on the shelf. And THAT was a chore.

Mama: I want the 4 chocolate covered donuts.

Jestina: Um I dunno.. it’s these ones?

Mama: NO. That’s the Jelly donut. I said Chocolate covered.

Jestina: Ohhh… thise one?

Mama: That says Vanilla Long John. WHERE do you see the word “CHOCOLATE” on that??”

This quickly turned into a game of “that one that on THAT ONE!!!! THAT ONE!! RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE!! NO NOT THEEEEEERE ~ THERE DAMMIT THERE!! THENKYOU!!!”

By now, my usually manners had taken a holiday, as I screamed out to the back “WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DUNKIN DONUTS DOESN’T MAKE FUCKING DONUTS??”

But maybe the Dunkin Robbins bitch was right. Maybe tomorrow I’ll walk out at 4 to greet Ahmed, the surly owner from India. Sure he greets me with racist disdain, ignorance and aggressive intolerance, but at least he can make a fucking donut.