Sunday, January 20, 2013

Don't let your folks give you trust issues.

A friend of mine was hurt pretty badly by her dad recently, and sadly she's not the only one. More and more, I'm finding people in my age group who have really BAD relationships with at least one parent.

I have no idea what exactly happened here, but sometime in the 1980's, a number of self-centered, spoiled, out-of-touch, abusive, manipulative, Douche-bag ala-modes, started having unprotected sex. The result was my generation.

Most of us have ONE parent that we have had a decent parent-to-child relationship with. This is the "good" parent, the one that actually sent payment to the utility companies (that's not the same as bringing money home, you know), stayed up with us when we were sick, offered advice when we all should have known better, and actually took the time to remember who is on what medication.

Then there's the DOUCHE parent.

The one that throws temper tantrums ~ complete with screaming, crying and hitting ~ whenever they don't get their way with us, but cower in the corner every time an adult with a doctor's uniform says "no".

The one who walks out on you, seemingly forever, only to come back into your life when he/she feels like it, and start bossing you around ~ even after you grew up.

The one who never gets to know you personally (likes, dislikes, ect.) but throws a tantrum when you won't let he/she blather on about themselves.

The one that beats you up physically to make themselves feel big and strong, beats you mentally to make themselves feel powerful, and then has the nerve to bitch and complain that you never spend time with them. He/she will then insist they have no friends, threaten suicide, and then call all 10 of their real-life friends to talk about what a horrid bitch/bastard you are, and how they wish you'd move away.

The one that insists that if we were all dead or living elsewhere, he/she "wouldn't have to" bend over backwards, bust his/her ass, put food on the table, roof over the head, dear God I have memorized every one of these childish claims. Funny thing is? They all talk like this ~ but not ONE of them is welcome to move back in with Grandma or Grandpa. EVER.

The one that drinks heavily, wastes money on stupid ventures or other BAD things, and then has the nerve to throw a hissy fit about money if you dare to purchase a new t-shirt... from the Goodwill.

This is the clown that will turn every moment into the ME show, and then get pissy when he/she is not the center of the universe.

Yeah. I have a "parent" like that.

It's amazing, I have babysat plenty of badass kids, and not ONCE have any of them been even close to the level of difficulty of one of these jerks.

Worse? I know more than one person with BOTH parents acting this badly ~ and step parents too! Now those are the people who deserve my sympathy right there.

But one thing that bothers me, is when a bad relationship with a spoiled brat parent, translates into permanent trust issues, and the re-posting of 100 or so DeviantArt Photoshops.

You know the kind. They have a sad, sometimes sobbing, teenage girl in the background all blurry, or the image of two teens holding each other, and they have words in the front of them. Either a poem about abuse, a warning about not forcing people to kill themselves, or a message about her disappearing from your life.

They are ineffective and are often marked as spam, but seemingly this is the only way some of these wrongfully abused victims can express themselves.

(Thank you so, bloody, much public school system, for killing the arts program.)

After seeing a photoshop about a girl who does not have the ability to trust anybody, based on her father being a jackass, I was compelled to write this:

" I have a lousy, nonexistent relationship with my dad. He's the type that will "swear" he loves you, only to tell you how badly he wishes the condom didn't break next time he has a fight with you.

Growing up, he'd make up excuses as to why he wouldn't spend time with me, he cheated on my mom ALOT, forged her signature on several credit cards that he used to spend money on other women, beer and really super GIRLY stuff for himself. He took me away from my elderly relatives on my mom's side ~ so I could waste time being moved across country for 6 years, and when I came back, everybody I missed was either dead, dying or had moved away. I came back to nobody waiting for me. And there were plenty of times he'd pick at the parts of me that aren't White, despite the fact that he's the idiot that married a Mulatto in the first stupid place!

But even with all that, I realized that I can't have trust issues based off of ONE guy. That's all he is. ONE human being. ONE person, among several BILLION on this planet.

If your dad ~ or anybody else for that matter ~ walked out on you, hurt you, abandoned you or did anything else bad to you, drop them like the bad habit they are, and move on. There are BILLIONS of other people in this world that are NOT him, and you already have several who care for you."

I very much stand by that.

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