Saturday, April 6, 2013

Lucy84 and the phone more important than her children

One day when I am a mother, if for ANY reason you see me being so negligent as to pay more attention to a cell phone than my children, I want you to pinch me in the arm as hard as you can, and scream bloody murder, until I stop being stupid and attend to the kids.

Before I get to today's blog, I love wrestling. There is no better way to close a day like this, than to hear about EVOLVE crowning their first champion (AR Fox), Ring of Honor crowning a new champion (Jay Briscoe) and the Hall of Fame featuring ALL 6 entrants properly on TV this year.

I needed to get a prescription today. Only my closest friends/family get to know why, but suffice to say that $106 is too expensive for freaking prescription strength Benadryl. >_O

So anyway, I ventured to Target, hoping to save a few dollars on the prescription. Ha ha ha.

Now Target is much closer to my house than Wal*Mart, but still about a mile east. I have no car, so this means I had to walk.

As I'm walking, I'm getting honked at, and getting laughed at, there are fully grown adults ~ half of them senior citizens ~ making fun of me. How dare I clutter up THEIR lovely streets by walking? And with a tiny cart no less?

Oh, and I dare to pay for broccoli with a food stamp card? Well obviously I must be a degenerate. So I deserve to have the cashier roll her eyes at my mom and I, and call me a "loser bitch" under her breath. Obviously, I should be shot.

By the way, if you for one single, solitary moment, want to pretend that people without a car or on food stamps are "welfare whores" and that I'm somehow a "loser" for fitting this category, because I'm earning less than a living wage at what I do, I implore you. Please, try and go through the Indiana SNAP process yourself, and tell me how "easy" it is. When you're done crying like a bitch at how many officers call you a whore, loser, possible drug addict and a drain on our society, you may come back and comment on this blog. Please try it keyboard jocks. And while you're at it, try getting a job at McDonald's without a college degree. I want to hear how "easy" it is for you. Please include a scan of your 2013 McDonald's name tag as proof of what you accomplished today. And don't forget the lid on my Coke. ╭∩╮*^_^*╭∩╮

I take a sip at the water fountain before heading to the Rx counter. There are TWO water fountains, spaced pretty well apart.

There's a dude behind me, who sees me taking a drink. He has the opportunity to use the other fountain. It's a mere 15 inch difference.

Instead, he stands behind me, sighing heavily and gets frustrated. I move, and then he touches the fountain, and then wipes his hands real quick, looking at my face, and then looking at his hands in wonderment. No dude, my skin color won't rub off on you. Thanks for asking. I swear, between Target and Facebook, I wonder if I've gone back to the mid 1960's. There's more racism now than ever.

While waiting in line as "Ashley" very slowly decided to roll lazily along the counter, I found myself standing behind a woman, who should have had her tubes tied during puberty.

I saw the woman's cell phone long enough to know her screen name is Lucy84. So that's how I will refer to her for the duration of this story.

Lucy84 has two children. They are wearing normal clothes, while she is wearing the latest fashion trend. I noticed a ton of other moms doing the same thing. They're dressed like they're about to go clubbing, while their husbands and children are dressed by Le Boutique De Goodwill. Funny that.

The one child is hanging off the cart like a monkey. Other people are slamming into his little face, and nobody is caring to notice that. But he seems fine being slapped about by so many shopping carts, and his mom doesn't care.

The other child is very small, but she looks about 4 or 5 ish. She is sitting in the cart, less than a full 2 inches from her mother's face. Please keep that in mind.

Lucy84 is very slowly, lazily, playing with her cell phone. She makes short calls, but spends most of her time here, blogging about floral print bags and how annoying her kids are. I wouldn't know, except she has a large phone, so you can read the damn thing from an aisle away.


Now the child doesn't seem to be upset. She's doing that thing where she just wants attention. Lucy84 doesn't seem to notice, she just keeps playing with her phone.


The boy child, who can't be older than maybe 7, appears to be the responsible person in this triad. He looks up at Lucy84 and says "Hey mother? I believe she's trying to get your attention. Mother? She really needs you to pay attention."

Lucy84 is ignoring both of them now.

The son rolls his eyes, and decides to let nature take it's course.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYY" hollers the girl who is nearly in tears. Still, Lucy84 does not budge. There's less than 3 inches between Lucy84 and the girl, it's not like she's out of reach here. How hard is it to tend to a child these days??

The daughter stands in the cart and grabs Lucy84 by the face. "MOM!! I want to go NOW!!"

Shockingly? Lucy84 doesn't even acknowledge this! I don't hear a peep out of her, except for the constant "pop pop pop" of her fingers against the touch screen.

Furious. the little girl sits in the cart again and screams.


Lucy84 stops blogging long enough to snap the phone up, and in a whisper, tell the two children "Now really, this behavior is not conducive to what we agreed to int he car! You both must stop right now."

With that, Lucy84 returns to blogging. Both children cock their heads slightly, as if to mentally say "My mom is an idiot."

Dropped off the prescription. "Ashley" insisted that it would be done in 30 minutes.

... Well an hour and a half later, the prescription isn't even half done. I can't imagine to what ends of the Earth Ashley had gone to in order to obtain the medical grade Benadryl, but apparently I wasn't alone. Lucy84 was back, still waiting for her prescription.

The daughter is still agitated. "WHY ARE WE BACK HERE MOM LET'S GO I WANNA LEAVE I DON'T LIKE THIS PLACE I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" She's kicking her legs and giving everyone a headache.

What does Lucy84 do? Fire up Angry Birds and play by herself of course.

The daughter starts poking her arm. Lucy84 just swats her away. "Not NOW I'm busy. You are going to make me mess up my high score. Just shut up, gawd." She groans quietly.

As the girl starts screaming again, my mother asks Ashley what is taking the prescription so long. "Like wooooooooooooooooooooow man it'll like totally be another couple minutes. ah'kaaaay?" Um, no Ashley, it's not okay. Especially not when I can see the box of medication behind you. Freaking do your JOB.

"Oh woooooooooooooooow are you like... over 18 and stuff? 'Cause you know like Benadryl ... is like totally medicine and whatnot."

Have you been snorting it??? Dear God woman, get up and fill the damn bottle already!!

Ashley asks repeatedly who this is for. I am seriously wondering how this moron got a job. She's rolling on the counter in a lucid state, and doesn't seem able to fill a bottle on time.

Finally, Ashley hands me my prescription..... written out to "Alexander" Ake. REALLY??? How hard is it to spell "Koriander"??? That's just belligerence. >_O

All the way to the parking lot, I can hear the little girl screaming. Lucy84 never once puts down her cell phone as she pushes the cart. Finally, she stops pushing (in the middle of the street I might add) to stamp her feet and say "UGH! Just why can't you let Mommy focus for one minute on what's important??"

Um... Lucy84... let me be clear... your KIDS are what's important!! You remember them, don't you? Sure you do! The gangly little monkys you gave birth to, who've bee trying to grab your attention all damn day??

Not your cell phone, not your blog, and sure as hell not Angry Birds. Puddown the phone and tend to your kids!!

If ever you catch Lucy84 in her light grey hoodie and sparkly jeans, ignoring her children for Angry Birds, please do me a favor. Punch her in the right breast ~ right on the side by her arm. That way, she won't be able to tweet about the pain, and maybe, juuuust maybe, her kids can have their mom back.

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