Monday, March 4, 2013

Nobody asks for abuse ~ you can't will someone to beat you

I've been on radio shows off and on since 2009 or 2010 and while I try to do my best, there are times where you hear me being completely silent.

There's two reasons for this. One is that I'm not always confident in my abilities as a host, and two ~ and more importantly ~ I like to listen to our guest's stories. I feel I can learn more from listening than I can from talking. I honestly do feel like a little kid again, not wanting the story to end.

But today's guest really had me in a tight spot, and I want to apologize to anybody listening.

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Ms. Maxwell as you can hear on the show, has no love lost for Tina Turner.

Now to be very fair, I don't know very much about what all happened or who did what, but she said a few things that really bothered me, and went against her otherwise, seemingly positive, message.

"Tina Turner liked to be beaten"

O_O Um... WHAT??

"If you're REALLY a strong woman, you would never be beaten. If you're beaten, you're probably not that strong, and subconsciously you asked for it!"

As I tried to state on the show, I disagree.

Now first and foremost, I do not believe in spousal abuse. I don't believe a woman should hit a man, nor should a man hit a woman.

The only times this can be allowed are if the combatants are being paid to wrestle, box or participate in some other form of paid sport and competition, or if one person is fighting in self defense after the first blow has landed.

Backstage before a show, does not ever fall into the category of acceptable violence.

As for the notion that "if you're strong you can't be beaten" I beg to differ.

My mother's mother is a very strong woman. She actually knows how to box and while not a veteran, does have moderate military training under her belt.

Her second husband beat her.

I sincerely doubt that quietly boiling carrots while preparing dinner would ever "subconsciously" call out to an assailant "please come beat me".

My mom is a strong woman.

The same asshole that beat her mom, beat her as well.

I know for a fact that there is no child on this planet that uses brain waves or "energy" of any kind, to manipulate a drunk man into beating her unconscious while she's doing her homework.

My mom's friend (for her safety, I'm re-naming her "Janet") was just honorably discharged from the Navy about a year ago. A fighter from the United States Navy, this woman has had gun and hand-to-hand training. She is literally G.I. Jane in a sailor suit.

Janet just left an abusive relationship two weeks ago. Janet's boyfriend liked to take out his aggression about his lot in life on her, usually while she was minding her own business.

My neighbor across the street was set on fire, over $5 Wal*Mart jewelry that her ex-husband wanted to wear. It was the middle of the night, during a meteor shower. I'm fairly certain she wanted to enjoy the shooting stars before bed, rather than to deal with someone who she cared about, beating her.

And I have met guys who were beaten by their girlfriends, usually over stupid things like television and time spent playing video games, or walking the dog instead of shopping with her. (Actual excuse.) It's a sad and sorry sight, to see a human being, reduced to tears and bruises, because someone else found fault with their daily habits.

The truth is that men and women can be very strong, both mentally and physically, and still get beaten by the people who are supposed to love them.

It's not your fault, and you can't subconsciously "will" anybody to beat you. You have no control over your subconscious  and scientifically speaking, the body is more apt to head into "fight or flight" mode subconsciously than it is to give off an "abuse me please" signal.

Bottom line, the human body is not capable of psychically asking another human being to attack it.

So to anybody who chose to listen to the show with Holly Maxwell, I sincerely apologize if you felt offended by anything either she or I have said.

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