It’s not what you think. But it’s close.

I went to the comic book store today, hoping to find Sailormoon and Codename Sailor V. The new books are due out this week, and I’m anxious to see them. My brother just wanted the latest Sonic and Mega Man comics from Archie. This sounds like a simple day, right?

Well if you’ve been reading my blogs to this point, then you already know that simple doesn’t always happen to me.

No sooner did I start my ill-fated search for my favorite manga, did Mama get an emergency phone-call from my dad. Did I mention that I’m happy they are separated? I should say that. So she dashes out of the store, leaving my brother and I to wonder about for a bit.

To my dismay, not only don’t they have Sailormoon and Sailor V, they’re downsizing the manga section at the Amazing Fantasy, chucking most of the titles that are interesting, (I.E. No more Gen 13, Tick, Manga University, Single issues of Darkstalkers or Pre-Current-52 DC, which is NOT the same as the last 52 that fucked up the continuity of Starfire’s storyline between her escape & meeting Dick Grayson) can’t seem to order more than 3 issues of Sonic or Mega Man if their lives depended upon it, refuse to carry ANY trading card that isn’t Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh or Little Monsters, and they won’t order ANY Starfire merchandise under $40, apparently. Suddenly, Amazon.com is looking REALLY good.

But fortunately, they still carry Tom Strong… from months ago. In fact hardly any of the shelves have a NEW issue of anything, save but for DC’s NEW 52 and a few kiddie comics. This is not a good sign, but screw it, Tesla and Val FINALLY got married and she’s pregnant (as of January’s issue) so I’m happy.

Well now that my comic questions have been answered, in comes my mother, looking very tense. “What happened?” I say with a droll tone, knowing I’m about to hear something absolutely stupid.

… And I’m right.

“Well I left your father in the emergency room” is how the conversation starts.

Hmm. No job, no insurance, we’re off to a GREAT start, folks! “Okay what happened?” I reply.
“Well remember when I bought him that electric lawn mower after we moved?”

I know what you’re thinking. Because I thought the same thing. That somehow this dolt had managed to chop off an appendage or two. I remember telling my mother NOT to let him have ANYTHING more dangerous than a push-mower, and I even made my brother stand witness as I declared that handing him anything with a motor would only cause chaos.

“No he didn’t chop anything off.”

“Ok what happened then?”

“Well he claims he needed the extension cord from the garage, and then another one.”

I know what you’re thinking. He could have electrocuted himself, fried himself, or run the lawnmower over one of the cords. He’s actually done the third thing before. No it isn’t any of those things either.

“He went into the garage to go get a cord. He had trouble getting around the big heavy boxes I told him not to stack one on top of the other.”

I know what you’re thinking. No nothing fell on him, and he did not crack his skull open.
“So he finds the cord just out of reach, on a shelf.”

“Okay”

“And even though he’s the moron that put it up there, he can’t reach it.”
“Okay…”

And then she says something highly unlikely. In fact it was so stupid, the man behind the counter dropped what he was doing, and asked if he had really heard this.

“So he tried to stand on top of a glass aquarium to go get it. The fucker snapped, and shards of glass went into his leg.”

………. He tried to stand… on a glass, fish-less aquarium, to obtain an electrical cord.
I can’t make this up.

Now the aquarium had been left by the previous owner of my house. We’ve never had fish. It was left in the darkest corner of the attic, and this “genius” decided to move it to the garage, where he SWEARS he has “always” used it as a stool. “Glass is sturdy, why did it break under my weight?” He screamed to my mother.

So she took him to the hospital, and as they were removing one of several shards of glass, he spurted and passed out. He’s anemic. Great.

Now he has returned home, and is already goofing about his apartment. But needless to say this threw a monkey wrench into my Sunday.