So my idiot father is dating a psycho woman.

I think I’ve blogged two things before. One that my parents are split and second that my father is dating a crazy woman, whom I have re-named “Maryse”. Why? Because I don’t want to be sued. That’s why.

For a short back story on Maryse, please read my last major post about her: http://codenamesailorearth.blogspot.com/2011/12/does-charles-nyan-or-meow.html Additional notes to today's story, Maryse is 39 years old, a Twilight fan, an ex-cheerleader, and a Public School French Teacher for SMALL children. Oh, and she talks like a nasally wing bar waitress. Leik a total Hooters waitress an' stuff. Leik Ohmaigawd!! Oh and I'm sorry to tell you, she has bred. Her son is a teenager, and she has more than one boyfriend, outside of my idiot father.

Oh, and one more thing, her teenaged son has a 1 and a half year old daughter. So she's a grandmother. Isn't this special??

Now my father the last three weeks has been more than a nightmare to handle. So far, he’s called me a lazy bitch loser for not cooking for him, and a deadbeat because I just “draw pictures” (that’s what he calls cartooning) and I never have a “real” job like the one he was fired from. (Working at a 7-11. No really, I can’t make this up.)

Now he’s blamed most of this on the gout attack from Hell, and just a bit ago, I got a reason “why” he’s been acting like a demon in a Baptist church.

So in a “civil” conversation with my single mother, he tells her the following story:

Maryse is angry with me, because I won’t babysit my father. Mind you, he’s over 50 years old, that’s old enough in my book to take care of himself. But because I won’t go to his apartment, and cook and clean for him, massage his feet and peel him a grape, I am somehow a horrible human being, and she thinks I need to go to her house, obey her commands, clean it and apologize to her for not being my father’s slave. I am not joking, I have yet to even speak to her face to face, and already she wants to destroy my freedom? Bitch, I’m 25.

Oh, and she keeps telling my dad that my life is a lie, that every show I ever went to, and every person I ever met is me lying to her through my dad, and I need to apologize to her, and all three of her other boyfriends, because she also thinks I’m somehow standing in the way of her marrying Billy Corgan. Mind you, she’s never been to Chicago, and God willing, it stays that way. I think Billy deserves better, don’t you??

So because she is so angry, Maryse has been taking my father all over the place at all these garage sales. She feels that by keeping my dad around (and I’m being honest when I type this) she is keeping “the devil” at bay. Yes, that’s right, she thinks that the devil has been living inside her back, and somehow my father and shopping garage sales makes the devil go away.

Oh wait, this is just the forward to the tale.

There’s one strip of land that she calls Garage Mahal. She claims she made up the word to describe this strip, that is chock full of nothing but people having garage sales, and that the new TV show with Bill Goldberg doesn’t exist… and neither does he.

Maryse is aggravated at my father’s gout, and his constant complaining that his doctor told him not to spend too much time on his feet. Doctor’s notes are just silly excuse post-it-notes that mean nothing, after all. Now he says he cooks and cleans for her, and tries to do right by her, because she is a hoarder. He says there is trash in her house from floor to ceiling, she says he needs to respect her pizza boxes. (Wow, what a charmer, right? Keep reading.)

So since he won’t “just stop” having gout, she put a hex and a spell on him.

… I will state this again. She put a hex and a spell on him, because she isn’t able to handle the fact that he’s got gout. That’s as batshit crazy as if you saw somebody putting a curse on a guy in a wheelchair, because that person is handicapped. And I’m fairly certain that witches tend to believe that what ever spell you put out, comes back to you 10 times over.

Now the hex and spell she placed on him? She did this to make the gout WORSE to teach him a “lesson” for his having gout.

By the way… she’s a school teacher. For small children. In a public school. Wait, there’s more.

So then she tells him that she wants to continue casting spells on him, so that they will both eventually die (dad first she says) and then their souls will become intertwined, and he will be reborn as a Black man, so he can properly pay for his sin of having gout in her presence.

… AND SHE’S A SCHOOL TEACHER?!?!?!?! AND A GRANDMA??!?!?!

Now the logical question here folks, is “Why don’t you break up with her????” which is exactly what I asked while looking in the phone book for the padded wagon.

He says “but I like her drama. It gives me something to talk about.”

For Christmas last year, one of my uncles sent me an apology, for smacking him face first with a baseball bat when they were children. Had he known the damage would be permanent, he would have just played with his erector set instead.

Smug closure for a bullying victim

This pic is of me, age 8.

The other day, I read a news story about a young girl who is suing her school bullies for harassing her on Facebook and torturing her at school. And good for her, I hope she wins that suit, because this whole mess with bullying has been out of control since I was a kid.

Now on the side of this news story was a link to a new page that tracks school bullying policies. Now most school policies are a joke, and not even worth the paper they are written on, but I got curious. I wanted to know about the last school I was in before being homeschooled.

Marie V. Duffy Elementary.

I was in Miss Venerosso’s 2^nd Grade class of 1994-1995. We didn’t have a regular classroom. Instead, my class was held outside in a trailer, due to the school’s over population problem. We shared the trailer with the kindergarten class, and both teachers would swap work. So while my class was re-learning the alphabet, the kindergarteners next door were doing division. Go figure.

I was beaten daily by a gang of kids, one of which (a boy named Dan) had been left back. (I promise you don’t forget a 2^nd grader who shaves.) Name something about me, I was beaten for it. I was:

The only mixed-race child

One of a handful of ethnic children

The only anime fan

The only wrestling fan

The token nerd (sans glasses, braces or pocket protectors)

The only Power Ranger fan (Everyone else loved V.R. Troopers)

The tallest girl

The only curly haired girl

The girl with the darkest eyes

The only girl with hair so dark brown, it’s almost black

The only straight A student with A+’s on her record

Name something else about me. I had my ass kicked for it.

Mama went to the school every single day, complaining to the faculty that I was being injured. Just as you see in the new movie Bully, Mama was told “kids will be kids” and “we’re doing all we can” all lies.

My principal even suggested I was crazy, making it all up in my head. “What is she doing to MAKE the kids do this to her? She should apologize for making Kelly punch her and to Dan for making him want to kick her. Bullying is all the victim’s fault you know, Kori must be a problem child. Have you thought about putting her on Ritalin? She’s a bad girl.”

Mama would bring in my medical bills. Suddenly, I wasn’t “crazy” or a “bad girl” anymore.

Every day, she would speak with the teacher, the principal, the PTA members, the moms and dads of my bullies, any adult with an open ear. Nothing was done.

Now my memories of those days are a haze. My mom told me the other day while cleaning out old records that I’ve had about four concussions, all stemming from my time there. I really only remember the last one.

It was late spring, 1995. I don’t remember how the fight started. I was on the playground, and I just wanted to make a quick sandcastle, since the swings were all taken. I saw my bullies start gunning for me at full speed, so I started running.

I made it as far as the parking lot, before I was tackled to the ground and beaten. While Dan left the biggest marks, the worst damage was done by my female bullies, Kelly and Heather. There was an even mix of boys and girls kicking my ass. Gravel and sand were blown in my face in between punches.

They propped my head on a rock, by body prone in the noon-day sun. They made sure my head was facing the school building, because they wanted to know how long it would take for anybody to realize I was gone.

Everything hurt. I couldn’t move. My one eye was swollen shut and became a black eye. My other eye had gravel in it, but I could see the clock pretty well.

That’s how I knew it took 20 minutes before someone realized I was missing.

Finally, a custodian came out to get me. She had come outside several times before because of this, and for reasons I don’t know, she hated me. Big fat cow of a woman too. With a moustache and a bad acne problem. The school worked her hard, and had her doing jobs she didn’t initially sign up for, but that’s no excuse to take it out on a child.

She was my only shade from the sun. She just folded her arms and said “Get the hell up. Stop being a damn crybaby.” She wasn’t afraid to curse in front of kids.

It took all of my strength to stand up. She wouldn’t help me. I stumbled to the school building, then used the brick wall for leverage. I made it as far as the door, before I threw up, and blacked out.

The Vice Principal, Rocco Galucchi, (I’m pretty sure I misspelled that) came outside. He was the only GOOD person at the school, a guardian angel in the disguise of a 1940’s gangster style body. He woke me up, helped me to my feet, and walked me to the nurse’s office, where I again threw up and blacked out.

The next few hours are a blur to me. Mama had to pick me up. The nurse was upset with my condition, but they had no clue how bad off I was. Mama took me home, but when she saw I was throwing up my afternoon snack, couldn’t even keep air down and that I was yelling about how bad my head hurt, she freaked and took me to the pediatrician. He freaked and sent me to the hospital.

After a number of X-rays and tests, the doctor came to my mother. At first, he asked if anybody got the license of the car that hit me. When she explained that my injuries were the result of bullying, the doctor put up my X-ray.

On one side of my back, there was a large footprint from Dan. The doctor looked at the bruising and blistering of the wound, and said “Ok, little Koriander is lucky to be alive right now. See where she was kicked? If he had kicked her one centimeter this way, she would have lost all use of this kidney. One to two centimeters this way, and she’d be paralyzed from the waist down.”

I had a grade two concussion and deep spinal bruising.

I was placed on a medically induced vacation from school. I was just about a vegetable. Everything hurt, and Mama had to help me do everything. Walking, sitting up, even going to the bathroom was a chore. I couldn’t play or run around, I felt useless.

Watching ECW Wrestling was my saving grace. Raven and Dreamer were working a storyline that really shone a light on my life at the time.

Raven portrayed the anger I had inside. Dressed like a grunge-era rebel, he voiced all of the hurt I had in me. How society was a failure, how he couldn’t find a place in the world, so he had to carve one out. How the mainstream world as we knew it had no love for misfits and outcasts. He dealt with all the same hatred I had, and he acted it all out.

But across the ring was Tommy Dreamer. Even though Dreamer dealt with the exact same crap as Raven, he viewed the struggle as a challenge to overcome, not a reason to bemoan his fate. Every rejection from mainstream society was just one more hurdle to jump, one more reason to keep going. Dreamer’s message through his matches was that you could be a screw up, you could be an outcast, but you could still be somebody. If you were willing to fight for yourself, and anything you stand for, then you can become a champion.

It was perfect, yin and yang booking. Raven was the Yin, the darkness, the hatred that I felt towards my peers, but Dreamer was the Yang, the light, the hope, the voice I needed. Seeing those two made me better. Made me stronger. Made me want to get up off the couch, and go face my demons.

I was only back in school for a few short weeks before the summer. By the time I had started getting brave and fighting back, the proceedings were underway for me to be homeschooled. By the fall of 1995, I was already doing 3^rd and 4^th grade work at home.

For years, I often wondered why I went through all of this. They always say “God’s plan” right? Well what kind of plan involves the daily torture of a little girl?

WELL I found my answer. God did have a plan after all. And I’m actually pretty pleased with it. No, I'm excited. I'm actually pretty smug about this.

So getting back to the article, I clicked on the link for the site tracking school anti-bullying policies, and found absolutely nothing. The site is still under construction, so it only had 8 schools up.

So I Googled the last school I went to. And WOW.

The Marie V. Duffy school has been under new management since 2008. The school was bought out some time ago, so NONE of the people that were there when I was in school are there anymore. Their website still looks like a monkey coded it.

Also, a search for former school faculty turned up empty. No ex-teacher bios, nothing. It’s all gone.

A classmate search also turned up empty. In fact, I didn’t even find myself! That’s fine though. Most of my bullies were all about wanting to grow up fast so they could either join the military or a gang, so I’m content to believe that they probably all either died in the war in Iraq, or became victims of gang violence and prison time. I don’t have to know anything about them, so go on and let me just believe that.

The school had been quietly expunging some of their files every 1-2 years since before I was there. This was done to save cabinet space. So IF anything of mine exists there, it’s just the bare minimum. Even records from as recent as 2007 turned up missing and or erased.

The once Caucasian dominated school is now 57% Hispanic. Whites dominate a small minority. This is amazing to me, since in my class there was ONE and only ONE Hispanic kid, and only two other Hispanic students in the entire school.

The education hasn’t really changed. On one school review site, I saw two 5-star reviews from parents ~ who also work there ~ and plenty of 0-2-star reviews from parents who want their kids to have a REAL education. Just like my mom, I saw plenty of pissed off parents loudly complaining that they had gifted kids… doing remedial work. As a punishment for being smart I guess.

Most of my searching turned up empty, except for one, small notice.

As sanctioned by the new superintendent and the new principal, there is a new anti-bullying policy.

Due to a record left behind by an un-named little girl in the class of 94-95, in the case of bullying, strict action is to take place. And should a person or persons elevate said bullying anywhere near the level of the case involving “Ms. 1995” police action WILL be enforced and the children involved WILL have charges against them.

In short, the policy means that NO other child will be allowed to go through what I did, without severe, legal repercussions befalling the bully or bullies involved.

Knowing that future generations of kids will be spared what I went through has brought me closure. I am very happy to see this.

Pro Wrestling Respect: Inaugural

Was looking forward to this for the longest time. If not for my personal budget issues, I would have bought this much sooner. This is a great, all ages show that doesn’t beat anyone over the head with skits or PG stunts.

Pro Wrestling Respect: Inaugural
January 24, 2010

We open up with a video package, followed by several introductions by the PWR cast. This is a great introduction for new fans, each backstage segment is short and to the point. A welcome change from mainstream, televised promos.

1. Rhett Titus vs. “Big Bad” Bobby Dempsey ~ This match is preceded by a video package, showcasing the career of Bobby Dempsey. Derek Dempsey is at ringside. The rules of PWR are shown. Bell rings and Bobby starts things off by punching Rhett. Bobby is in control of the match, sends Rhett to the outside with an Atomic Drop. Bobby chases Rhett around the ring, and the two re-enter. Rhett attempts a body slam to no avail. Bobby body slams Rhett. After a standing drop kick, Rhett starts to gain a little momentum. Rhett launches Bobby with an Irish Whip, does NOT see a power slam heading his way. 2-count. Rhett gains momentum again. Bobby survives two knee drops from Rhett. Splashes Rhett in the corner twice, drops Rhett, then gains a victory with a 747 Splash.

We see Rickey Reyes enter the backstage area, then we go to a video package about the Bravado Brothers, detailing their background and what PWR means to them. This is followed by a backstage segment with Prince Nana and Marker Dillinger.

2. Mr. Ernesto Osiris and Marker Dillinger vs. Lance and Harlem Bravado ~ Ernesto sends Marker to the ring first. Harlem opens with a front face lock. Marker reverses. Short back and forth between the two. Marker with a shoulder tackle, bounces from the ropes and into a hip toss by Harlem. Ernesto is tagged in. Takes his time removing articles of his suit and is taken down by Lance. Ernesto is taken to the corner where Harlem tags back in. After a little back and forth, Lance tags, then Marker tags back in, taking down Lance. Ernesto tags in and delivers a vertical suplex. Marker tags back in and goes for a body slam. 2-count. Lance tries to take out Marker and Ernesto, but Marker trips him. Ernesto tags in and gets a 2. Ernesto goes for the rubs of Lance. Marker tags in for a 2. Marker locks on a sleeper hold but Lance drops him. Ernesto prevents Harlem from tagging in. Ernesto tags in and is in control of the match. Ernesto and Marker go to double team, but Lance hits them both with a double clothesline. Harlem tags in. Super kick to Marker, grabs Marker’s head, Ernesto tries to break it up but is greeted with a super kick. Harlem is decimating the competition. Harlem gains a win with a Frog Splash. Ernesto and Marker refuse to shake hands.

Midge goes for a backstage interview, but Ernesto is screaming at Marker.

Grizzly is sent out to referee the next match.

3. MsChif vs. Jamilia Craft ~ We open with a picture-in-picture note from Grizzly as the two women shake hands. A slow grapple from MsChif leads to Jamilia aiming for a sleeper hold. MsChif reverses it into a scissor kick on the canvas. The two go back and forth, but MsChif counters a running move from Jamilia with a drop toe hold. Jamilia lands neck first into the bottom rope. Jamilia gets up. Jamilia lands a sunset flip for a 2. MsChif goes for a sleeper attempt. MsChif bends Jamilia to the point where her head almost touches her toes. Goes for an Irish Whip but Jamilia reverses, sending MsChif into the turnbuckle. Jamilia is soon countered, and MsChif has the girl laid out. Jamilia goes for a school boy for a 2. Jamilia drops an Inverted DDT on MsChif. Jamilia loses the mask and flies from the turnbuckles with fists, bounces from the ropes with a clothesline. Drops MsChif for a 2. Crowd is getting vocal, but MsChif drops Jamilia to the canvas for a 3 count.

Jamilia is walked out of the ring and handed her mask back.

Backstage we see Delirious getting ready for his match. This is followed by a commercial for the ROH Academy.

4. Celso Rivera (With Sly Stetson) vs. The Ninja Cheetah ~ Sly opens up with a promo against the “Smelly New Jersey” crowd, questioning why Celso has to wrestle against a ninja. The Ninja enters and does a ton of moves. He goes for a handshake. Celso grabs his hand, knee to the gut, picks him up, drops him for a 3. Sly asks “Are you serious?! We need competition!!”

5. Celso Rivera vs. Ninja Red ~ Red enters the ring, Celso drops him for a 3 count. Sly is appalled. He announces Celso as having a record of 2-0. “Who’s next? A Scarecrow?”

6. Celso Rivera vs. Pelle Premeau ~ Pelle knocks the hell out of Celso, nails him with a tilt-a-whirl. Celso drops Pelle for a 2 count. Pelle kicks out of a suplex attempt, then aims for Celso’s neck. Gets a 2-count. Pelle tries to hyper-extend Celso’s arm, then puts him is a series of holds. Pelle quite literally ties Celso up in a pretzel, but Celso gets out. Pelle goes for a cross body from the top rope, but Celso reverses it into a fallaway slam. Celso has Pelle in a submission attempt, then takes him to the corner. Distracts the ref while Sly tries to choke Pelle. Pelle gets back with a 2 count, Celso drops Pelle to the canvas. 2 count. Celso with a gut wrench suplex, followed by a second. Pelle goes for a hurricanrana for a 2 count. Pelle bitch slaps Celso. Pelle with a springboard splash into a double-stomp. Tilt-a-whirl into an armbar into a pin attempt for 2. Tilt-a-whirl is reversed, Pelle reverses the reversal mid air. Celso drops Pelle for a 3 count.

Pelle is helped out.

We go to a video about Shane Hagadorn’s Ring of Honor career. Hagadorn details each of the surgeries he’s needed since his debut.

7. Christian Merino, Rob Wolf and Shane Hagadorn vs. Jacob Chamber, Professor Milo Shizo and Alex Payne ~ Before we get to the match, Midge gets a brief interview with Pelle about Pelle’s loss to Celso. Hagadorn starts by taking Payne aside and delivering a slap. Alex hits back much harder. Back and forth between the two. Milo tags in as does Merino. Milo dominates, then tags in Chamber. Chamber with a snapmare, but Merino is able to get back up with a body slam. Wolf tags in, stomping Chamber in the corner. Hagadorn tags in, working Chamber’s arm. Tags in Merino after a 2 count. Chamber tags in Milo. Milo reverses a move from Merino into a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. Hagadorn tags in. Hagadorn gets a 2 count. Wolf tags in. Lays into Milo. Merino tags back in. 2 count. Merino counters an Irish Whip attempt with a belly to back suplex. Hagadorn tags in, nails a jackhammer for 2. Tries to yoink off Milo’s mask. Milo gets a 2 with a small package. Wolf tags back in. Wolf isolates Milo in the corner. Hagadorn tags in again. Alex breaks up a pin attempt by Hagadorn. Milo on the top rope. Head-butt, tags in Alex. Alex takes down the competition, then drops Hagadorn with a fisherman suplex for a 2. Hagadorn lands an STO on Alex. Wolf tags in. Hagadorn and Wolf land a double shoulder tackle onto Alex. Hagadorn back in, Alex lands a suplex into a bridge for a 2. Chamber is tagged in. Chamber with a splash for a 2. Chaos erupts. Merino hands Hagadorn Knuxs. Hagadorn KO’s Chamber for a 3 count.

We go to a video about the career of Andy Ridge.

8. Orange Cassidy vs. Andy “Right Leg” Ridge ~ Cassidy barely touches Andy’s hand, and is like “I shook it okay??” Picture and Picture we see Midge getting a post match interview with Shane Hagadorn as Cassidy is sent to the outside. Andy is beating the hell out of Cassidy. Cassidy takes a breather, then returns to the ring. Bounces from the ropes into Andy’s foot. Cassidy steals someone’s bag and tosses it in. Cassidy spits orange juice at Andy while the ref is distracted. Body slam into a leg drop. Goes for a pin but Andy has the rope. Cassidy slows down the match, then lands a dropkick onto Andy. Cassidy is in control. Andy is soon sent to the outside, landing on Orange’s juice. Fight is taken to the outside. Back in the ring, Andy gains a second wind. Several running drop kicks to Cassidy’s head. SICK DDT from the middle rope by Cassidy for a 2. Cassidy tries to squeeze Andy’s head. Is kicked in the head mighty quick. Tries it again. Andy rolls him up for a 2. Andy wins with a superkick to Cassidy.

We see Rayna Tosh and Daizee Haze warming up for their match.

Next we have a video package about Daizee.

9. Rayna Von Tosh vs. Daizee Haze ~ We start with a tie-up as teacher and student brawl on the ropes. Great back and forth. Rayna is in control of the match, working Daizee’s arms. Daizee finds herself outside the ring, drops her student’s legs, then drags her to the outside. The two brawl all around the ring, stopping briefly here and there to break up the 10 count. Daizee gets a 2 count. Daizee goes for a submission. Rayna grabs Daizee by her headband. Daizee hits a drop toe hold then rolls her into a submission attempt. Rayna gets the ropes. Daizee with a DDT to Rayna’s leg into an Achilles lock. Half crab attempt but Rayna again grabs the rope. Fisherman is reversed into a suplex by Rayna. Rayna with a couple of back elbows. Pin attempts from both. Rayna reverses the heart punch, dropping Daizee for a 2. Missile dropkick from Daizee, followed by a heart punch and the mind trip for a 3.

Rayna is helped out as we see Delirious getting ready.

Video package about Ricky Reyes, then a separate one for Delirious.

10. “The Human Crippler” Ricky Reyes vs. “The buzzsaw magician” Delirious ~ Ricky kicks Delirious’s hand away. Good back and forth, Delirious tries a Half-Nelson, but Ricky sends Delirious into the turnbuckle. Delirious with a waistlock, Ricky reverses, Delirious sends him to the outside, then greets him with a baseball slide-kick. Fight to the outside leaves Delirious down while Ricky returns to the ring. 9-count and Delirious is back. Ricky with an armbar while the two are seated on the canvas. Ricky pulls the tassels, and the ref yells at him. The action slows down as Ricky puts Delirious on the top rope. Goes for a superplex but Delirious pushes him off. Leaps over Ricky. Delirious has a second wind, intense back and forth. Ricky performs a superplex off the top rope, Delirious lands then turns this into a pin for a 2 count. Ricky with a tiger suplex into a bridge for a 2. Elbows to Delirious’s head. Delirious with a tilt-a-whirl followed by head shots to the turnbuckle and a panic attack. Delirious with a cobra clutch attempt. Ricky with a powerbomb for a 2. Picture in picture with Midge interviewing Daizee. Ricky and Delirious trading head-butts and punches. Delirious with an enziguri. Delirious wins with a bizarro driver.

Ricky is reluctant to shake Delirious’s hand. Low blows Delirious, tosses ref to the corner, grabs a chair from under a fan, but the locker room piles out. The wrestlers tend to Delirious while Ricky decides to back off. Pelle takes the mic . Pelle explains what Pro Wrestling Respect is and how Ricky is unwanted. Pelle states that the next time he sees Ricky, he will beat respect into him. Delirious thanks everyone for attending. Picture in picture we see Midge interviewing Ricky. Ricky claims he doesn’t need to shake anybody’s hand because he is the best in the world.

Show closes with Midge and Eric signing off. Cue credits.

Does Charles "Nyan" or "Meow"?

My parents are separated. I feel obligated to open every story about my father with that line.

So my father just got back into his apartment in my basement, looking rather disheveled. He claims that he just got back from an “emergency” trip to Target… for cat food.

Now for the record, nobody in my local bloodwork owns a cat. In fact, I am severely allergic to short hairs and “Garfield” style cats, so a feline is out of the question here.

Ergo, one must surmise that my father was buying cat food for his girlfriend, and this would be correct. So this is the tale he told me about this late night excursion.

Now if you were a fan of my MySpace blogs between 2009 and 2010, then you already know about her. But for those of you just joining the party here on Blogger, let me catch you up.

My father began asking my mother to help him pay for coffee for his girl “Maryse” in 2009. “Maryse” is 39 years old, huge Twilight fan, has a teenaged son who is her personal slave, has more than two boyfriends (One of whom is serving a decently sized sentence for touching a 13 year old) and is an ex-French teacher for children … who “LEIK TOTALLY CAN’T UM UNDERSTAAAAND WHYLEIK THE SCHOOL LEIK TOATALLY WANTED TO FIER HER AND STUFF? LEIK WOW WHAT’S GOING ON MAAAN?” Can you imagine this bitch trying to speak French? “LEIK BONJUUUR COMOTALLYVIEU??” I should point out her nasal, wing bar waitress voice. Also, she is an ex-cheerleader.

So now that you know who Maryse is, let me tell you why she needed cat food.

A while ago, Maryse went to Japan. There, in a city outside of Harajuku, she went down a dark alley.

There, she found a one-eyed cat, marching between two boxes….

I want you to hold onto that image of the cat marching for just a bit.

Maryse found the cat to be so attractive, that she snatched the cat up, and ran back to the airport.

She paid $500 to have the cat sent to the US.

… No, God forbid she spend that kind of money on a local US shelter cat, where she would know ahead of time if the cat belonged to anybody, naaaaaaah why risk it? Sure, let’s plunk down Fie-Hundred-Dollaz on a random stray, and not even bother to check if he belongs to someone, is sick or has been neutered.

So $500 later, the cat is now on United States soil. She named him “Charles”. (No really, that’s his name.)

Now Charles is a black and white cat… but his patches aren’t exactly what you would expect.

Charles has one patch over his missing eye, in the shape of an Emo haircut…

The other black patch is small, box-like, and stationed under his pink nose.

This is Charles, photo taken right after he had his shots. Assumed age at the time thi photo was taken: Barely one year.

O_O;;;

Once more, Charles loves to march.

And in case you are wondering, this Japanese cat has yet to “Nyan”. However, when he hacks up a fur ball, he has a nasty habit of dry-heave coughing “HIEL mew HIEL”

Remembering Bison Smith

Bison Smith could make you believe in whatever story he was in. He could be scary, he could be fierce, but when I met him, he was also humble.

A polite wrestler I saw standing on the bleachers at the Frontier Fieldhouse in 2009, who didn't have a bad word to say about anyone.

He passed away today from heart complications at only 38.

Update: Current word was that it was cardiac arrest, as announced by Dutch Mantell on his Facebook. He was in Puerto Rico for a match scheduled for WWC.

I was an unearthly child.

Tuesday morning ~ I had never gone to bed. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t sleep. Wide awake and tense, I could feel something in the air, but I didn’t know what.

I stayed by the window, just watching, waiting. The postman was coming up, and being that the postmen and women out here have been known to chuck the mail at my house and run away like so many “ding dong ditchers” I knew it would be best for me to keep lookout, if I couldn’t sleep.
Finally, the postman ran up, checking at my doorstep a package that was two days early. I had a gut feeling it was the $12.56 I had just spent, shipping included, returning to me in the form of something rare.

Upon opening the package, I was delighted to see a polite “thank you” post-it from half.com (by way of Amazon) and beneath that, the very book I had waited 20 years to own…

Now, to tell you this story, I have to go back in time. WAY back.

I was brought up a Whoite by my mother. For those who don’t know, that’s the old term for a Doctor Who fan. Today, Hollywood calls us “Whovians” but once we were Whoites. Each Sunday night, we’d watch Star Trek : The Next Generation, the pop on over to WTTW (Chicago’s PBS station) to watch Doctor Who. The episodes came to us mixed up, way out of order. Some nights, we’d watch one episode with Doctor #3 (Jon Pertwee) followed by two episodes with Doctor #4. (Tom Baker) Other nights we’d watch Doctor #7 (Sylvester McCoy) travel through time and space with his companion, Ace.

When I was 5, not yet 6, I went to the school library one day, and discovered this book, sitting on a tall shelf that nobody went near.

Who would believe it? It’s not an educational book, so how did it end up here?

What’s more is that NOBODY at the school had EVER heard of Doctor Who before!
But somehow they had acquired this book.

The book was written in 1986, so it’s as old as I am. It’s an alphabetized list of companions the Doctor had (up through Mel) with notes written by the late John Nathan Turner, who worked on Doctor Who from the late 1960’s until 1989, and from there appeared for many other Doctor Who related projects until his death in 2001.

Every week, I would check this book out, along with 2-5 other books. Nobody else wanted that book, so I never saw the harm in it.

Too bad the librarian did.

Every week, I would be bitched out by the librarian and school faculty ~ many of whom I did NOT know personally ~ because they were sick of me checking out the same book.

Mama would have to come to my defense every week, proving with book reports and photos that I WASN’T just reading “that book” but many others as well. In fact, I would re-read the book after my homework, as a present to myself.

“Koriander needs to stop hogging that book so the other children can borrow it!”

The 9th time I heard that lame excuse, I brought over all of my classmates, my bullies, and even children from other classes. Each boy and girl told the truth. They didn’t know anything about Doctor Who, didn’t want to know anything, were sick of me even bringing it up, and furthermore they did NOT want that book.

“Koriander needs to broaden her horizons! She can’t ONLY read about Doctor Who.”

After my verbal report on the beheading of Marie Antoinette ~ complete with a scaled model re-enactment involving a Barbie doll and a working guillotine I had made out of popsicle sticks, this myth of me being closed-minded was busted.

I was doing extra schoolwork, which actually pissed off the school board. They threatened to hold me back a year, just because I was “showing them up”.

I was being punished for being a studious child, and liking a book they didn’t want me to have.
Finally, they banned me from the library all together. Yes, they banished a child from learning. Way to go Kenwood in Hammond, Indiana! Ignorance really is bliss, ain’t it?

In 1993 I moved to Virginia Beach. There, I was sent to Glenwood.

I was depressed, almost 1000 miles away from family, in a climate I wasn’t used to, I felt that every day was a living hell…

Until I went to the school library…

And found…

THAT book!!

I couldn’t believe my eyes. There in the non-fiction section was this book once more. I resumed checking it out, weekly.

UNTIL!!!!

A very snarky and RUDE librarian decided to make a bitter enemy out of me. She tried imposing limits on what I could check out, only allowing me that book if I checked out a certain number of titles. She didn’t believe that I could even finish more than 5 a week.

So I checked out 15 chapter books.

THEN that book.

THEN wrote 15 short reports on what each book was about.

She was livid, accusing me of plagiarism, Cliff Notes and lying.

I presented her with photos of me doing 15 books worth of homework.

I then stuck my tongue out.

And was sent to the principal’s office for insubordination.

Again, Mama came to my defense on a weekly basis, fighting for my right to read whatever I wanted. How could it be that yet ANOTHER school was trying to keep her kid from gaining an education, just because of one damn book??

And again, when the topic of “other children” came up, I had grades K-8 come to my defense, telling the librarian and the faculty that they did not care about or want to check out that book. EVER. Under ANY pretenses.

Fast forward to the Spring of 1994.

I had accidently spilled bubble solution on the book.

Fearing the worst, I ran to my mother, crying.

She herself being a former librarian, took the book aside and got the bubble suds out.
Miraculously, it was now CLEANER than it had been before! And not one word or picture damaged.

The school librarian STILL pitched a fit, charging my mother $14 for the damage.

“But the book is cleaner now than it was BEFORE Kori had it!”

“You still owe us for her damage.”

“How about I buy the book outright, and get you a replacement?”

“NO!! You’re trying to bribe me. You need to make restitution!!”

“… WTF do you think that is??”

The librarian wouldn’t budge.

Within a few weeks, I was BANNED from that library too, with the librarian even LAUGHING in my face about it! “HA HA Just TRY and get the book NOW! Serves you right.”

Serves me right? For WHAT? Enjoying a good book? Doing my schoolwork? You BAN a child for this? Fuck you!

It was one of several times I was not sorry to be sent to the principal’s office. For the record, Mama actually agreed with my colorful statement.

So for the remainder of my time in Virginia, she took me to the Virginia Public Library… which had THAT and one other Doctor Who book!

And that team of librarians never cared how many times I checked it out.

But alas, I soon departed for New Jersey, and wouldn’t see any copy of that book again…


For years, I tried to find another copy, even tried unsuccessfully to buy out the copies my old schools had, but nobody wanted to give it up. EBay searches came up empty, and even the vast internet couldn’t grant me any more knowledge of that book.

… Until last week.

While filling out my birthday wish list, I stumbled upon the book by mistake. At first, the book was out of my price range, but the seller ~ without my ever contacting ~ dropped the price! For $12.56, the long search was over.

Which takes me back to Tuesday, when I unwrapped the book.

It smells just the same as before. That same sweet and woodsy smell, reminiscent of bubble suds. (I checked, this isn’t a school’s book. It’s fresh.)

A first edition from 1986, the same year this fire tiger was born.

With all it’s outrageously 80’s artwork intact.

A 20 year odyssey for an unearthly child.

It’s not what you think. But it’s close.

I went to the comic book store today, hoping to find Sailormoon and Codename Sailor V. The new books are due out this week, and I’m anxious to see them. My brother just wanted the latest Sonic and Mega Man comics from Archie. This sounds like a simple day, right?

Well if you’ve been reading my blogs to this point, then you already know that simple doesn’t always happen to me.

No sooner did I start my ill-fated search for my favorite manga, did Mama get an emergency phone-call from my dad. Did I mention that I’m happy they are separated? I should say that. So she dashes out of the store, leaving my brother and I to wonder about for a bit.

To my dismay, not only don’t they have Sailormoon and Sailor V, they’re downsizing the manga section at the Amazing Fantasy, chucking most of the titles that are interesting, (I.E. No more Gen 13, Tick, Manga University, Single issues of Darkstalkers or Pre-Current-52 DC, which is NOT the same as the last 52 that fucked up the continuity of Starfire’s storyline between her escape & meeting Dick Grayson) can’t seem to order more than 3 issues of Sonic or Mega Man if their lives depended upon it, refuse to carry ANY trading card that isn’t Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh or Little Monsters, and they won’t order ANY Starfire merchandise under $40, apparently. Suddenly, Amazon.com is looking REALLY good.

But fortunately, they still carry Tom Strong… from months ago. In fact hardly any of the shelves have a NEW issue of anything, save but for DC’s NEW 52 and a few kiddie comics. This is not a good sign, but screw it, Tesla and Val FINALLY got married and she’s pregnant (as of January’s issue) so I’m happy.

Well now that my comic questions have been answered, in comes my mother, looking very tense. “What happened?” I say with a droll tone, knowing I’m about to hear something absolutely stupid.

… And I’m right.

“Well I left your father in the emergency room” is how the conversation starts.

Hmm. No job, no insurance, we’re off to a GREAT start, folks! “Okay what happened?” I reply.
“Well remember when I bought him that electric lawn mower after we moved?”

I know what you’re thinking. Because I thought the same thing. That somehow this dolt had managed to chop off an appendage or two. I remember telling my mother NOT to let him have ANYTHING more dangerous than a push-mower, and I even made my brother stand witness as I declared that handing him anything with a motor would only cause chaos.

“No he didn’t chop anything off.”

“Ok what happened then?”

“Well he claims he needed the extension cord from the garage, and then another one.”

I know what you’re thinking. He could have electrocuted himself, fried himself, or run the lawnmower over one of the cords. He’s actually done the third thing before. No it isn’t any of those things either.

“He went into the garage to go get a cord. He had trouble getting around the big heavy boxes I told him not to stack one on top of the other.”

I know what you’re thinking. No nothing fell on him, and he did not crack his skull open.
“So he finds the cord just out of reach, on a shelf.”

“Okay”

“And even though he’s the moron that put it up there, he can’t reach it.”
“Okay…”

And then she says something highly unlikely. In fact it was so stupid, the man behind the counter dropped what he was doing, and asked if he had really heard this.

“So he tried to stand on top of a glass aquarium to go get it. The fucker snapped, and shards of glass went into his leg.”

………. He tried to stand… on a glass, fish-less aquarium, to obtain an electrical cord.
I can’t make this up.

Now the aquarium had been left by the previous owner of my house. We’ve never had fish. It was left in the darkest corner of the attic, and this “genius” decided to move it to the garage, where he SWEARS he has “always” used it as a stool. “Glass is sturdy, why did it break under my weight?” He screamed to my mother.

So she took him to the hospital, and as they were removing one of several shards of glass, he spurted and passed out. He’s anemic. Great.

Now he has returned home, and is already goofing about his apartment. But needless to say this threw a monkey wrench into my Sunday.