Saturday, June 1, 2013

Why do dogs and women follow douchebags?

I fell asleep to a DVD of Betty Boop cartoons. The cartoons were all mixed up, so some featured Betty's original dog design.

Now there shouldn't be anything to read into this. The Fleischer brothers originally drew the flapper girl as a dog, and slowly but surely got her to be the girlfriend of their not very successful star, Bimbo, who is also a dog.

Once Betty's star started to outshine Bimbo, he was pushed to the back, and Betty became a human girl, eventually getting her own pet dog, Pudgy, who then began to outshine Betty. It's all full circle really.

But this morning, as I lay groggily listening to the radio in the kitchen playing over the pen and ink idol, I started to wonder if maybe there was a deeper meaning after all to Betty's past as a dog.

... Stay with me here. I hadn't had my coffee yet.

There was an ad about "dog dementia".

"IS YOUR DOG OOOOOLD?? GETTING TO BE NINE YEARS OLD ALREADY? HE MAY BE DEMENTED. INSTEAD OF PUTTING HIM DOWN, CALL US ABOUT AN EXPERIMENTAL DRUG!"

This was followed by a female "health" ad.

"IS YOUR WIFE OOOOOLD?? GETTING TO BE FORTY YEARS OLD ALREADY? SHE MAY BE DEMENTED. INSTEAD OF DUMPING HER, CALL US ABOUT AN EXPERIMENTAL DRUG!"

If this is the same drug company, color me scared.

Today I found out that the average life span of a dog is 20 years.
The average woman is 80-90 years.
But before they hit middle age, a dog and a woman are "old".

Think about dogs and women for a second. We have some things in common.

When you get us to trust you, we're loyal, maybe to a fault. You could be a douchebag, club baby seals and slap around nuns, & we will still love only you.

We will forgo food in order to maintain what YOU think is a healthy weight.

We can and often do insist that a stale, 3 day old cracker from a box is somehow satiating. Some will even accept a stale biscuit as praise for a trick well done.

We both pride ourselves on cute things. A woman with a small dog is often seen with matching purses, shoes and costumes. Why do we do this? Because men find cute to be attractive. Your dog is cute. We will be cute too.

If you cross our family or even look at the house funny, we will nom your leg off.

When angry, we are the most evil Hell Hounds you will ever meet.

We hate the word, but if it means that our favorite man will still hang around us, we will allow him to call us a "bitch". Dogs and women shrug their shoulders at this word, unless they are pissed, in which case, the word "bitch" is the last word you ever want to use.

We allow you to butcher our insides, based on what you pretend is "proper" or even "biblical" in terms of reproductive health. We pop out kids we may not even ask for, based on what YOU want.

If we have something wrong with our female bits, we let you rip out our ovaries and uterus's, lying openly that "DERP der be nuffin we kan du about it" when the cure for what ails us is relatively cheap.

We let you drug us, even if we're not sick. Hell, let a dog or a woman become forgetful or angry, now we're "psycho bitches" and you drug us until we crap blood.

We are conditioned by society to understand we are replaceable.

We are conditioned to believe that when you feel the time is right, you will throw us away.

Leave us in a shelter.

Let our bodies become infested with pharmaceuticals until our hearts stop.

We die.

You carry on and forget us.

Yet in still, men ask the same questions, and nobody bothers to answer them. And why? The questions you ask are simple and have a full explanation. You deserve a straight answer!

So here is what I saw today, asked purely out of innocence.

Why do women want a guy that treats them like dirt? This one dude has a girlfriend and a dog, he treats them both badly. Why do they stay with him??? Shouldn't the dog at least bite him??

I'll explain.

Girls are told from the time they are little, (mostly by teachers) that if a boy is rude to you, it means he likes you and just "can't communicate". So she grows up thinking that "he only disses me because he loves me".

A dog is no better. A dog will see that he feeds him/her. Provides a roof over the head. Pets him/her. That douche could kick that poor dog, and he/she will come right back, out of loyalty.

Bad guys actually have the guts to ASK a girl out. They also have the money to buy a dog AND feed it.

Since most "good" guys are too shy and afraid to actually ASK a lady out, she feels lonely, inferior, ugly. Like nobody wants her, like a lost dog at a shelter.

The bad guy sees this, swoops in, and takes her dinner.

Why is the lady with him?

Why is the dog following him?

Because HE MADE A REAL MOVE and paid for both.

As for "good" guys? This is a multifaceted problem.

The first problem is that most of the self proclaimed "good" guys are NOT.

They expect the girl to magically know what he's thinking, know that he likes her, read his mind and just obey his want for her to like him.

Of course women are not Sayajins, so that ain't gonna happen.

You want a girl? ASK.
Want a dog? BUY one.

The word "No" is honestly the worst thing that will ever happen to you. You thus have a better chance of a more favorable outcome.

If she says "No" walk away. Find someone else. Don't bitch on Facebook about it.

Another problem? Girls are told from the time they are born that if a guy is being "too" nice, he may be a rapist. But they are not told to what level of nice they should accept, thus this is an education problem, leading to life-long trust issues. We need to train our girls to accept the word "Hi" as something less sinister.

Another issue could lie within her past.

She may not know how to trust new guys, since the others she's known have thrown her away.

Girls are told from day one until they die that they are replaceable. No matter how good you are, he WILL someday replace you with a dumber, younger model.

If he could date a baby, he would.
A dog is told the same thing. Dogs understand that ANY trip to the vet may be their LAST.

And if you own a copy of "Old Yeller" and have played it in front of the dog........... shame on you!!
Same if you show a woman Bambi. We know the mother doesn't leave the meadow ALIVE.

Your kids will look for replacement mother-figures and cuter puppies.

Friends replace her.
Other dogs forget about your dog.

Your own family is always comparing you to your cousins, sisters or even just random neighbor kids. Your teachers whine and moan about how much better you would be if you were like this girl or that girl.

Your dog is always being told he ain't Lassie.

When you have a lifetime of being told you mean nothing, it takes a toll, thus, feeling like garbage, she falls for the first guy giving her attention.

Same with the dog.

That is why this keeps happening. Now you know the secret behind why a dog and a woman will follow a douchebag to the ends of the earth.

We need to educate our society, bring them OUT of the caveman era.

Teach our boys to love.

Teach our girls to accept love.

Teach our children that they are never replaceable.

Now the real question, knowing this secret?

What will YOU do?

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