Wednesday, July 4, 2012

A homely man, a bracelet, and yet another reason why I don't watch reality shows.

*_* I just found another reason why I hate reality shows.

I just put on the E! network, solely because the Soup is on. It's the only show I watch on this channel.

I tuned in too early, and ended up watching some reality show. Whatever it is I don't know and I don't care, but there was a husband and a wife on there.

Judging by the tiny people on screen that look just like the husband (who by the by looks like he's been bludgeoned with the ugly stick) I'm going to guess that the wife has bared these children for him. Are we all in agreement on this? Good. Let's keep going.

So the husband bitches and moans that the wife doesn't show him enough affection, and just isn't serious about a relationship with him. He wants a physical symbol of their unity.

So the wife hands him what appears to be a hand crafted his and hers bracelet set. Picture a more adult version of those “best friends” bracelets 13 year olds make for each other, but with porcelain and with a more plain design. The bracelet has something hand painted on it, something about love and togetherness.

His reaction? In front of a table full of family? “Oh hee hee that is a so niiiice. It’s so cuuuute. That’s cute that you finally understand my role in the relationship. You know if it didn’t clash with my style, which it so obviously does, I would like totally wear this everywhere. That’s so cute, so nice that you are finally willing to show me your affection.”

… What?

Ok this dude first of all looks like death warmed over. There is no body fat to him, and no muscle tone either, we’re looking at a skeleton with skin here. And second, I thought he was her father at first. This chick can’t be any older than maybe 27, and he looks like he’s about 50. And third, I see in the commercial for whatever show I just subjected my eyes to, that he’s self-centered and has a habit of putting people down, including his own friends. Dude, you’re lucky ANYBODY would want you in their lives, let alone this chick.

And call me crazy, but I think she showed you her affection when she bore you more than one of your homely children, and still stayed with you!! REALLY DUDE??? Her hips are NEVER going to be the same again. Her body is forever changed from having carried your seed to full term ~ more than once I might add.

And she puts up with you. And your nasty assed attitude. And your clear drinking problem, because let’s face facts here, even with that cardboard dry turkey dinner you just had catering bring you, and the dry, dairyless bread, you can’t seriously need three bottles of wine to finish it. Three bottles of wine, and a martini, and some other see-through drink with an umbrella ~ in ONE dinner ~ screams to me that this is an alcoholic. But she puts up with it. All of this.

And you still needed a bracelet to figure out she cares?? A BRACELET!?

Oh real nice. And the kids were sitting at the table for this entire fiasco. Can you imagine being six years old, and having your dad (soused as hell) telling your mom that her birthing you wasn’t as big of an “I am committed to this relationship” sign to him as a bracelet? Fantastic.

My advice to whichever nameless chick this was? Pawn your half of the “Best Spouses Forever” bracelet, and save the money. You and your kids are going to need the money for therapy.

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