Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Forbidden Nomz

As I type this, I just finished a piece of gum, trying to tell myself that I'm not really in the mood for a snack. But I'm not just craving any snack. I want a forbidden snack, a snack from my past that has long since been recalled.

Now it took me an hour to find them all, and good luck to anybody trying to find that lost Hershey's drink, but here's a little taste of the foods I miss. Please click on the pictures for a larger view.

Glow in the dark cereal (Not pictured):
Now when I was in kindergarten, there were at least 5-10, neon colored, glow in the dark cereals and for the life of me, I can't tell you which ones I ingested. All I remember was thick food coloring, a sweetened corn cereal taste and that all of my stools came out... well... glow in the dark!

My mom and the mom of every kid I knew back then, bitched and complained to the companies about the cereals, and as an adult, I can tell you that if it was me, Hell YEAH I'd be calling the Post company morning, noon and night, trying to figure this out. If your stools come out with a radioactive glow, by all means please schedule a doctor appointment, and then call a bio-hazard team.

But when I was 5, all I cared about was that I had the coolest poop in school, because it glowed and was neon.

Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtle Cereal:


I don't actually know how much of this stuff my parents and I ingested once upon a time, and to be honest, I really dont remember the flavor. All I remember are the bowels. At one point, I had about three sets of them, but my father managed to destroy them all either via microwave or violent dishwashing. I still have Rapheal, though the paint is chipped very badly. He hasn't been used for food purposes since 1993, and now holds up a few of my trinkets.













Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Ice Cream Bars:

I used to pester my parents for one of these anytime the ice cream truck rolled by, or dad took me to the liquor store. (There was an ice cream/ booze hybrid store he just loved.) A serbert like ice cream, I always got Billy (Blue Ranger) but I never did have the bubble gum center. It was always rock hard and never thawed right. I was heartbroken when they discontinuued them. (F'n Zeo.)











Hershey's Cookies and Mint Bar:

Chocolate and Peppermint are one of my favorite flavor combos. I first saw these during the pre-Christmas rush of 1992 and fell in love, instantly. A pain in the ass move to Virginia from Indiana was made just a little less painful the following summer with just a little bite of this bar.

















Hershey's Chocolate Banana-split Milk:





The ads were scarse. Hardly anybody could believe such a thing was real. but in 1993, Nestle, Hershey and Butterfinger had their own "chocolate drinks".

Not exactly labled "chocolate MILK" (which I admit as an adult now raises my suspicions) but that is technically what it was. Shelf stable flavored milk.
I found the Banana-split drink at a 7-11 that was seated just below the temporary condo I was living in, and I fell in love. It tasted just like a liquid banana in my mouth, but with a sweet sensation of Hershey's! I practically lived off of this stuff for a year, when suddenly it was yoinked from the shelves.

Even more curious, the people who amde it swear to God that it never existed, along with another box, which went by the names "Marshmellow" or "Smores" Hershey Drink.
If you're lucky, you can find the Root Beer, Plain, Chocolate and Strawberry varieties, but I promise you, they are nothing like this Banana concoction.

McDonald's Chicken McNuggets:
BEFORE YOU START no, I am not referring to the McNuggets you find today. These 1993 ones tasted differently I tell you! This was a different time,
when nobody knew about pink slime ~ because it wasn't being used!! This was also before McDonald's started advertising "Now made with WHITE meat"
raising suspicions as to what the hell I was eating before then. No. These little barely-seasoned morsels had a corn-oil like aftertaste and often
came in a box with two of them shaped like Christmas stockings. And in 1993, I visited a Virginia Beach McDonald's that both did home delivery and took checks. Did you hear that? That was angels singing at the mention. It should actually be a law for all fast food joints to employ more workers, specifically for this very thing. It would turn around the economy overnight, get people off the streets and provide the poor with a cheap alternative to starvation.

Burger King Chicken Fries:
Discontinued just this past Spring, these little morsels made travel time a breeze. I'd kick back a box of these and some fries before hitting the road to a wrestling show.

They were light, never left behind a mess, and great for the rental. Now I'm curious as to why theyr'e gone. Hmm...

















Batman Cereal:





Just a few years ago, my friend Jason and I stayed up all night, talking about how awesome this cereal was. A crispy, light, honey tasting cereal that stayed crunchy in milk. Somewhere, I should still have my Batman bank, complete with sticker eyes and a poorly cut slit in Michael Keaton's head for coins.


Swanson Fun feasts:

From ages 5-12 I practically lived off of these feasts. Slightly bigger than Kid Cuisene and 80% less salty, these meals weren't exactly filling (I needed two per meal) but damn they were tasty. And each meal came with a little cardboard book, game or other oddity.

My favorites had chicken tenders, fried chicken, brownies, a baked apple cup, corn and mashed potatos. On rare occassion, I'd have one with a cool ice cup. (Neon blue ice cream that tasted like vanilla.)




Burger King Mozerella Sticks:

I'm not sure if these are totally gone, since they seldomly pop up at different Burger Kings, but if they are gone they need to be brought back.
I'm a huge fan of mozerella sticks and these were quite tasty.












Burger King Tacos:


Small tacos.... deep fried.... and then fried again for crunchyness. What more can I say?









Slimer Ecto Cooler Hi-C (Pictured) and Mango Sunny D (not pictured):


Items number 32 and 33 on my mother's divorce decree are likely these drinks. My father actually did let me drink two entire jugs of Slimer once, and the sweet, nearly-lime flavor was so intoxicating, that after it made me throw up for three days straight, I went back for more.

He let me do the same with the mango
drink, which also made me violently ill. Combine the two, and it's brain damage. tasty, tasty brain damage.



Dunkaroos:

The closest thing I have to this now that it's been recalled would be mixing a can of Pocky/Chocorooms and a cup of frosting.

Just about every single person my age wishes they could go back in time for an after-school date with these sweetened cookies in sprinkle loaded frosting.
PB Crisps:


Often times, people try to tell me that Nutter butters are exactly like PB Crisps. And while the flavor is the same, I must say ... NAY!! NAY I tell you!!

PB Crisps were the staple food of 1993. They were light, little crisps, filled to the brim with sweetened peanut butter. I could down an entire bag of this in one sitting. (My metabolism was high at age 7, so I barely gained a pound that entire year.) Long have I searched, but there are no replacements.

Now of course, I could name 100 more foods curiously missing from my pantry, but none of the long discontinued products match the taste and memory these hold for me.

5 comments:

  1. FUCK THE CORPORATES FOR TAKING THESE DELICIOUS FOODS AWAY!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!! i think we still have Dunkaroos up here in Alberta i am not totally sure though

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi,

    I see you're using two of my images without permission or attribution.

    Would you please add image credits next to both my PB Crisps image you've used here, as well as my Hershey's Cookies and Mint image? Also, please add links back to my original postings of them. Here are links to my original posts:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/jasonliebigstuff/4462570705/

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/jasonliebigstuff/4533389247/

    Thank-you!

    Jason

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Jason, since everyone reads the comments along with the blog, by publishing your statement I just gave you credit. You should know however that your two pictures are also on a DeviantArt page, and that is where I got them from. So unfortunately if you were not credited there, then clearly I would never have known who for real posted the photos. Two other blogs had them as well, so you should be advised that there are other people using them, since you do not appear to have a copyright on them. Hershey's and Planters do, however.

      You should also know that I appreciate you stepping forward with them. It's really sad that so few people respect this type of American history, and I feel blessed to have found them. Please do not let this incident deter you from continuing to keep this history alive. Instead I hope my blog encourages you to keep posting. Please have a nice day!

      Delete