Thursday, March 15, 2012

All I wanted to do was film the birds.

All I wanted to do was film the birds.

One of my many hobbies is filming the wildlife in my backyard. You may have seen a video or two of this on YouTube, where I occasionally post these videos to classical music.

I don’t know why, but no matter where I live, my yard has been full of animals. This year, we have two new species of birds back there, and I’m guessing a Chickadee hybrid. (There are two Chickadees with unusually red wings.) We have red and grey squirrels, one hybrid and a squirrel born with no tail. There are Doves, Robins, Sparrows and a few stray cats and dogs, and I just wanted to film these creatures. The weather was summertime hot, unusual for March, but there weren’t too many clouds and there was a nice breeze, so I figured this was a good chance to film the birds.

My desires in life are so simple, that some classify them as boring. I don’t think I’m asking for too much to be able to film animals in my backyard with my camera.

WELL apparently I am.

There are 10 year olds on my street that think it’s funny to high-five my fence. Why? I have no idea, but I wish they would stop, and get a normal hobby. When I was 10, I was catching Pokemon, collecting trading cards and playing Mario. I knew better than to mess with other peoples’ property, and I didn’t lean on trees, blabbing about whose ass was nicer or who should be porked. (Seriously, these are KIDS?!?!) It makes me want to hit their parents, just hearing what comes out of their faces.

But the kids are not the main issue today. Oh no.

I have a new neighbor, who is a HUGE Jersey Shore fan. I want you to picture Snooki, but 5’4, sans cheetah print, in a black spandex leotard, with a slightly less Jersey accent. And she has a BFF, who looks like your standard trailer park trash, Daisy Dukes included.

Now they were hanging out with a male neighbor of mine, who just wanted to play basketball. I wouldn’t care, but these two women kept SCREECHING about the damn basketball hoop, scaring the birds.

Snookette: Like OMG how do you work this thing?
Male: It’s a basketball hoop.
Snookette: I can see that but ohmaygawd it’s so haaaarrrrrd! Like how do you work it?
Male: Okay *SIGH* for the hundredth time, here’s what you do. (Dribbles ball, puts through hoop.)
Snookette: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OHMAYGAWD you’re doing it WRONG!! You’re so fast I can’t learn THAT!!
Trailer Trash: Leik it’s okay! I have a friend on the Pha-oooone, and she’s looking it up on Wikipedia.

Now while her voice doesn’t come up well on camera, I do now have film footage of one of the squirrels listening to her speak. I now have a video of myself yelling at the squirrel not to jump in the pool. Apparently he had lost the will to live and was dangling his head over the water.

Now imagine Emo Stone Cold Steve Austin. Now imagine if he had a stupid looking medallion tattooed on his left shoulder. This is my racist neighbor that came out after them, wanting to know what “my kind” is doing outside. Funny thing though, I mind the racist Emo skin head a TON less than I do the cast of Generic Shore.

I just uploaded the videos I took. They are spastic as hell, and I don’t think I can edit them properly, without a ton of jump cuts, plus I’d have to dub out the sound of the male blaring his mix-tape of All American Rejects.

All I wanted to do was film the birds.

1 comment:

  1. my lady you are quite a moral person a person who puts any life (human or animal) above the retarded Snooki wannabes and Trailer Park Trash of this planet and i respect that in a woman a person who cares for life no matter what form it takes even if that cause means fighting those whom are against equality

    but... I do like All American Rejects (for the advertising they did for Bionicle)so if you could just ask that man to kindly turn down his stereo next time that would make me very happy

    p.s. the Snookette and Trailer Trash however deserve a good beating and if i lived with you i would be all too pleased to administer it

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