Saturday, January 7, 2012

Why women are bat-shit crazy and how men can MAN UP.

So I just saw a video about a boy who believes he’s been placed in the dreaded “friend zone”.

I’d like to point something out here. This happens to both genders, not just guys.

And I have to ask… Where is the communication?

WHY do some guys chicken shit out when a girl says "I love you" and then clam up when they want to say to a woman "I want to be YOUR man"?

You know, opening your mouth and being DIRECT with a woman is a good approach. Women are NOT mind readers.

Often times we are just as confused as you, so please, you’re not in kindergarten anymore. Stop playing games and be direct with your feelings.

Oh, and spare me the excuses about your “friends”. First man to say “HA HA! You share feelings dat mean ur GAY” is probably himself, single…. And a girl.

You can also spare me the "I'm scared" speech. We're ALL scared. But guess what? Your fear ain't gonna get you the correct girl. So drop it.

Another thing? If you like a lady, DO NOT EVER post about other chicks on your FB Wall. And I do mean EVER.

Seriously, if a woman sees you posting about how hot so-n-so is, or she catches you (hypothetically) on TV with another bimbo, it screams "Guess what? I'm not looking for love, I just wanna be in someone's pants and I'm not grown enough to make a move on a REAL woman"

Gentlemen, let me pull you aside and explain something here. Yes, we women can appear bat-shit crazy. And there is a reason why.

From the time we are born until we are dead and our fleshy meat-pillows become worm food, we are constantly being told by the media one thing and one thing only.

“Bitch you ain’t shit.”

We have magazines like Cosmopolitan that give us conflicting messages in every issue. A typical female magazine reads as follows:

Step 1: Bitch you ain’t shit. You ugly, you dress like a clown, here’s the clothes you SHOULD be wearing. Here’s the makeup you SHOULD be using.
Step 2: Here’s how to FINALLY get a man, you lonely virgin loser.
Step 3: Here’s how to keep skinny and trendy. You know, no matter how good you are, you WILL be replaced and SOON. Guys are always sleeping around. Deal with it.
Step 4: Here’s a list of sex tips he wants you to try, but is too chicken shit to ask for.
Step 5: Here’s how to dump that man-whore.
Step 6: Here’s how to stay skinny so you can get a NEW man, and learn how to get even more boy-like so he won’t cheat on you… as often.
6a: And here’s how to handle your mom, dad and co-workers when you lather, rinse, repeat this article, you fucking whore you.
Step 7: Here’s a bunch of fat, fat, fatty McFattenstein cake and booze recipes you can use to gorge yourself on.
Step 8: Here’s a steamy story about a woman who had I-don’t-even-know-your-name sex with a CIA agent, and how she made him put on a condom.
Step 9: Ads. More ads than you’ve seen on a gaming site. They carpet bomb the next few pages with ads. In tiny print. Skip this section or you will go blind.
Step 10: In next month’s issue of Bitch you ain’t shit monthly… a boring movie starring a horse-faced bitch with no figure!

This is why I’ve replaced every woman magazine in my house with video game, wrestling and comic mags. At least they are written in ENGLISH. I have problems reading "Bat-shit".

It doesn’t start here though. Oh no. When we are little girls, we have Disney, always telling us via their shows and movies that we are not:

a. Skinny Enough
b. White enough
c. Nasally Enough
d. Pretty enough
e. Popular enough
f. All of the above.

From our toddler days onward, we are shown shows in which a girl changes herself just to win the appreciation of her family, her friends, people who do not matter, and above all else, a man. Because you know, a man can’t just “fall in love” you need to “earn” this right, or waive bye-bye to him forever, as he sleeps around with the first bimbo built like a boy with fake tits. (A Diva.)

Don’t believe me? I dare you to drop this blog down, and go watch The Little Mermaid. Skip ahead to the part where Ariel loses her voice, and Eric is possessed by "Vanessa" (Ursula in disguise).

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

…………… Hey welcome back. Scared? Fuck dude, me too! And that was like my favorite movie at age 4. Think about that.

So yeah, whenever a woman sees you on screen with another bimbo, or she sees you in a play with someone else, or she sees your Facebook wall overrun with “yeah dat bitch be HOT” comments and the photos of 3 or more scantily clad bimbos, what is she thinking?

I’ll tell you what, she’s not thinking “Oh WOW! This man truly understands the concept of the female form.”

No. She’s thinking “Oh great. WTF am I thinking that he would EVER want me? He’s just like all the other man-whores. Just looking for someone to service his needs. I guess he’s not grown enough to care about MY needs. Nobody cares about me.

Yeah, every woman thinks this right now.

First woman to say “Oh I’m not like that” is going to sigh, and drown her sorrows in a bag of Doritos, because she can see that you don’t really care about her. At least, that’s what she’s been lead to believe.

NOW HOLD ON!! Women, I see you snickering over there. This is NOT your “Get out of jail free” card, I wanna talk at you a moment too. That’s right, step a little closer.

Ladies, believe it or not, these men have been through EXACTLY what we have, they just don’t blog about it like a woman does.

Have you seen the movie “Bigger Faster Stronger”? Go rent it. NOW. It changed my life.
Yes another Amazon rental. Now you DON’T have any excuses. >:D

Through this movie, I learned that from the time a boy is born onward, he is spoon-fed the SAME body-image CRAP we were.

When boys are little, we hand them G.I. Joes and action figures that look cartoonish and steroidal. And what do we say?

“That’s what a REAL man looks like.”

See this? I own this action figure. But more on that later.

Why do you think these guys don’t want to sit there and listen to you yammer on about guys like John Cena? Look at Cena. (*AHEM* his eyes are up here. Thanks.) Cena looks just like the action figure the man next to you grew up with.

Guess what every man is thinking right now?

This is BS. That dude who can’t wrestle looks JUST LIKE the action figure I played with. The one she thinks I oughtta look like. And now she’s drooling over him. I guess she don’t care about me. Nobody cares about me.

Gee doesn’t THAT sound familiar???

Yeah, I watched Bigger, Faster, Stronger, and felt like a total heel. I had no clue that what I had grown up believing of men was BACKWARDS.

Honesty and communication are much more manly than posting pics of every bitch you like, and ladies it sure beats the hell out of making him watch you drool over some Twilight Sparkle-pire.

You want to change your Facebook relationship status? BE DIRECT people!


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. Sorry, had to re-write the comment since looking at it now, it was't what I meant to say. I just hate the fact that the singer tries to act like it's the girls fault that he never goes up to her and just says "I like you." Are you serious?

  2. if cosmo feeds you conflicting messages and makes you feel miserable, stop reading it! it's junk food for the brain.