Sunday, January 1, 2012

The truth about the S.A.T & other School B.S.

Ami's First Love (Movie) by Fleur123

As I type this, I have just watched the 60 Minutes piece on the boy who was paid off to help students cheat on their SAT's. A summary of the latest news can be found here.

Now to be honest, I don't actually care that those kids wasted all that money, cheating. In fact, I don't think that's the biggest problem.

My problem? What has gone so horribly wrong in our society, that these stressed out kids felt they "had to" cheat, to get into a good college, and have a 1 in 30 chance at a decent life?

Let me backtrack a little bit. Between 2007 and 2008 I worked at a school supply store. As per my job, I had to read every, single, God-forsaken book in that store, because it was my job to help my customers find the right book for their problem. I was essentially a teacher's aid.

So I read every SAT book, every GED book, every curriculum, history book, math book and even behavioral management book that store had. An entire three walls worth of books, cover to cover.

Guess what?

Most of the bullshit you are required by U.S. law to learn before the age of 18? You will NEVER need any of that shit as long as you live. Scary? Keep reading.

I learned that everything you need to know to survive, start a family, get a good job and balance a checkbook... you've learned by the sixth grade.

Grades 7-12? It's all bullshit. As long as you live, you will never need what you were spoon-fed during this wasted time. Not even if you become a scientist or a teacher. What ever you learned when you were in the 7th grade, will have changed 8 times over by the time your first child hits the 7th grade. Hell, I remember the day I had to clearance off the old 7th grade text books, to make way for the "new and improved" curriculum.

As soon as you hit college or trade school, what's the first thing you're told? That's right. Everything you learned up until now is USELESS. Your teacher hands you a book, blasting to Hell all the myths and legends your so-called school teachers taught you up until this point. Good example? In college, you learn that...

Christopher Columbus:
1. Didn't discover jack shit. The Native Americans were already living in "America" long before he ever GOT LOST. And as my mom always said ~ You CAN'T "discover" something that already belongs to someone else. If that was the case, I'd break into your house and discover myself a new Xbox.
2. Christopher Columbus was a rapist and pedophile. He and his men raped and pillaged through the first village he trounced through.
3. Christopher Columbus is a lousy navigator. He thought he was landing in India, hence where he incorrectly called the natives "Indians". For the record, an "American-Indian" is someone with close family in India. My ancestors were "Native Americans" meaning that they lived in America looooong before your ancestors showed up. Get it right.
4. Christopher Columbus had a short attention span. His cartographer Amerigo Vespucci wrote his signature on the first map he drew for the "new savage land". In the middle of explaining to Columbus "I'm not finished yet, let me write the rest of my name on the bottom so you know who drew this" Columbus read the half-written "Amerigo" and said "What a beautiful name! We are now in the land of AMERICA, that's what the savages must call this place." Yeah, our country is named after a cartographer.
5. Christopher Columbus did not believe in the trend of safe sex, nor did he believe in the trend of condoms. They did have condoms made of sheepskin back then (EWW!!) but Columbus felt that as a man, he had the right to plow every field, bare backed. He died of syphilis, a disease he also spread to many of the people he raped in "Amerigo".

That's quite a bit to take in. But the longer you stay in college, the more you learn that everything you picked up in regular, public school, is useless horse manure.

So why then do we exist in a society that stresses out these kids over shit they can't use?

While I worked for the school supply store, I used to see teachers bully parents while in store. "If you DON'T get Jeremy to do well in pre-school, he'll NEVER make it to college." "If you CAN'T get Jennifer into a GOOD kindergarten, she'll NEVER make it to a REAL college. She'll wind up in some *Gufawh* community college." And yes, these fully grown adults would actually LAUGH in parents' forlorn faces.

And then there were the worried teenagers that would pile into the stores, begging me for help. "If I don't pass my SAT's this week, that's IT man, I am TOTALLY not going to college. My dad is gonna hate me. Mom's gonna kick me out. I'll do it, I'll kill myself!!"

Let me tell you a little secret about college. For all the bullying and bellyaching these "prestigious" universities put you through, there is only ONE sure-fire way you can get into college....

Money. And lots of it. In fact, as of the 2011-2012 semester, here's a list of tuition rates, per year:
Harvard: $39,849
Princeton: $37,000
Yale: $40,500 ~ Oh here's some BS. Their top study? Socialization. I'll get to that.
Columbia: $45,290
Those are for the top 4 colleges in the country. Colleges that are lower in ranking cost exactly the SAME.

Now on their websites, they "swear" that if you flunked the SAT's or if you had a less than stellar GPA in High School, they won't take you. That's actually a fluff piece for the website.

Do your grades suck? But you still wanna go to Yale? Simple. Just cough up an extra $10,000 per tuition, and then an extra $40,000 as a "donation". Say you want them to use it for new books or an expansion on the campus. Charity makes for a decent bribe. First faculty member to say "we don't accept bribes" has already accepted five before saying that.

Want another secret? Whatever education you get at Yale is no more special than the one you can get at your local college. In fact, you're better off going to Full Sail in Florida, where their hands-on curriculum will actually get you trained for a GOOD job, and as a perk you can intern for award shows and get to see FCW shows on campus for free. And when I say "GOOD job" I don't mean the pitiful 9-5 burger flipping job, no I mean as in "Oh lookies I work for Pixar".

Another secret? After you blow $40,000 on tuition times 4 (one for each year of college you stomach before getting a diploma) plus an additional $500-700 per month for food, shelter, books and supplies, and you've run yourself, your parents and your future spouse and children into debt, that cute piece of paper that reads "I dun gradumacated" will get you no closer to your dream job than if you'd never gone at all.

I have friends and family members that are WAY smarter than me. I have a grandfather with 6 degrees in four different fields, including cooking and science. I have cousins with expensive degrees from the top colleges in the nation. I have friends with 2-3 degrees a piece, and several with B.A.'s, PHD's and a wide arrange of Masters in every field known to man. Why I even know of a few people who play with long division like it's made by Nintendo!

... Not one of these people is any better employed or any more rich than I am.

Hell the guy who flips burgers at my local BK has a degree from the #5 ranked college in America. (There's three that tie for #5 right now. One of which is in Chicago.) He was studying to become a doctor at the hospital that is directly in front of the BK. This is now his 7th year as a burger flipper, but he has a COLLEGE DEGREE and graduated at the top of his class!

When obtaining your dream job, it's about making connections. This is where college sports might be useful for a football player with actual talent, but if your field is science, art, music, math, teaching or hell, animal breeding, you may as well spare yourself the drama of thinking college will help you make those connections.

Want to make connections? Use Facebook. Get a Twitter. There's a reason why we have the WORLD WIDE WEB. Whatever you want to be you can already find online.

Find the places you want to work for and actually talk TO the people who work there. Fill out an application. Type up a resume and WALK it in. Do an internship. Offer your services for low or free cost and do odd jobs. Go to a trade school that will teach you how to be what you want to be.

In college, you will meet a ton of people who will say "Oh I can help you meet so-n-so. And he knows someone who knows someone who can get you an interview." But most of the time the people who insist that are just fan-girls of someone you admire. And many of the connections you make here, won't even last your second semester.

Remember when I said that Yale boasts socialization was one of their top studies? Yeah, I bet after reading all of this you've figured out another secret. Humans are social by nature. If they weren't, we wouldn't have Facebook. You can make all of these fan-girl stalker connections next time you go out. Night clubs? Concerts? Parks? Sports events? Yeah, these "connections" exist everywhere.

That's why I laugh at teachers when they say "Public school teaches your child to be social." Really? Kids already know how to be social. Don't believe me? Walk into Target on any given Saturday. I promise you that by the time you hit the checkout, you will have seen at least 3 toddlers, strike up a conversation with a total stranger. If a three year old already knows how to network and socialize, then I doubt that kid will need school to re-iterate this basic, human function later on in life. that's like if I send you to school so you learn how to eat. Waste... of... time.

But for this chance meeting with a potential fan-girl or stalker, our nation's high schoolers are driving themselves into madness, and are willing to blow away a year's salary on cheats! This is insanity.

Now if a kid is cheating on a test that may or may not decide if he becomes a doctor, by all means punish his ass. Is she cheating on an architecture exam? Haul her ass into the Dean's office, and make her take it again. Last thing we need are more quacks and shoddily built houses in this country.

But if we're talking about kids cheating on the SAT's ~ a fake test that shows a college (money making institute) whether or not you're too smart for them to teach, (Pause and think hard on that statement a minute, shouldn't school be for the dumb instead of the smart? I'f I have a high GPA, shouldn't I need LESS schooling and NOT more?) then I say let them.

Colleges make more than $160,000 off of each student. Odds are good that they can afford to add a few extra seats to their spacious rooms, so it's not like you're stealing an opportunity away from someone who earned it. I think a few college professors can deal without pocketing a Mazda payment just once, to make room for another student.

I don't think we need to litter the jail cells with kids who read Cliff's Notes. Save that space for the real criminals.


  1. Wow... Just wow. I know someone who harassed me for a year, now has stopped for the time being, is spending well over $900,000 at an "animation "art" school" to get a "digree" when I spent 20 minutes learning HOW to animate with my actual talents from someone who knows how to animate ON YOUTUBE. How much did that cost? $0.50 for the coke can I drank while having a educational conversation! By the way, art schools can't teach someone how to draw if that person doesn't have skills to start with. I want to tell this certain person "stop wasting your time and make something of yourself with the skills God gave you instead of just trying to do something you're not even good at". :3

  2. This is so true! I applaud you! :)