My parents are separated. I feel obligated to open every story about my father with that line.
So my father just got back into his apartment in my basement, looking rather disheveled. He claims that he just got back from an “emergency” trip to Target… for cat food.
Now for the record, nobody in my local bloodwork owns a cat. In fact, I am severely allergic to short hairs and “Garfield” style cats, so a feline is out of the question here.
Ergo, one must surmise that my father was buying cat food for his girlfriend, and this would be correct. So this is the tale he told me about this late night excursion.
Now if you were a fan of my MySpace blogs between 2009 and 2010, then you already know about her. But for those of you just joining the party here on Blogger, let me catch you up.
My father began asking my mother to help him pay for coffee for his girl “Maryse” in 2009. “Maryse” is 39 years old, huge Twilight fan, has a teenaged son who is her personal slave, has more than two boyfriends (One of whom is serving a decently sized sentence for touching a 13 year old) and is an ex-French teacher for children … who “LEIK TOTALLY CAN’T UM UNDERSTAAAAND WHYLEIK THE SCHOOL LEIK TOATALLY WANTED TO FIER HER AND STUFF? LEIK WOW WHAT’S GOING ON MAAAN?” Can you imagine this bitch trying to speak French? “LEIK BONJUUUR COMOTALLYVIEU??” I should point out her nasal, wing bar waitress voice. Also, she is an ex-cheerleader.
So now that you know who Maryse is, let me tell you why she needed cat food.
A while ago, Maryse went to Japan. There, in a city outside of Harajuku, she went down a dark alley.
There, she found a one-eyed cat, marching between two boxes….
I want you to hold onto that image of the cat marching for just a bit.
Maryse found the cat to be so attractive, that she snatched the cat up, and ran back to the airport.
She paid $500 to have the cat sent to the US.
… No, God forbid she spend that kind of money on a local US shelter cat, where she would know ahead of time if the cat belonged to anybody, naaaaaaah why risk it? Sure, let’s plunk down Fie-Hundred-Dollaz on a random stray, and not even bother to check if he belongs to someone, is sick or has been neutered.
So $500 later, the cat is now on United States soil. She named him “Charles”. (No really, that’s his name.)
Now Charles is a black and white cat… but his patches aren’t exactly what you would expect.
Charles has one patch over his missing eye, in the shape of an Emo haircut…
The other black patch is small, box-like, and stationed under his pink nose.
This is Charles, photo taken right after he had his shots. Assumed age at the time thi photo was taken: Barely one year.
O_O;;;
Once more, Charles loves to march.
And in case you are wondering, this Japanese cat has yet to “Nyan”. However, when he hacks up a fur ball, he has a nasty habit of dry-heave coughing “HIEL mew HIEL”
Bison Smith could make you believe in whatever story he was in. He could be scary, he could be fierce, but when I met him, he was also humble.
A polite wrestler I saw standing on the bleachers at the Frontier Fieldhouse in 2009, who didn't have a bad word to say about anyone.
He passed away today from heart complications at only 38.
Update: Current word was that it was cardiac arrest, as announced by Dutch Mantell on his Facebook. He was in Puerto Rico for a match scheduled for WWC.
Tuesday morning ~ I had never gone to bed. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t sleep. Wide awake and tense, I could feel something in the air, but I didn’t know what.
I stayed by the window, just watching, waiting. The postman was coming up, and being that the postmen and women out here have been known to chuck the mail at my house and run away like so many “ding dong ditchers” I knew it would be best for me to keep lookout, if I couldn’t sleep. Finally, the postman ran up, checking at my doorstep a package that was two days early. I had a gut feeling it was the $12.56 I had just spent, shipping included, returning to me in the form of something rare.
Upon opening the package, I was delighted to see a polite “thank you” post-it from half.com (by way of Amazon) and beneath that, the very book I had waited 20 years to own… Now, to tell you this story, I have to go back in time. WAY back.
I was brought up a Whoite by my mother. For those who don’t know, that’s the old term for a Doctor Who fan. Today, Hollywood calls us “Whovians” but once we were Whoites. Each Sunday night, we’d watch Star Trek : The Next Generation, the pop on over to WTTW (Chicago’s PBS station) to watch Doctor Who. The episodes came to us mixed up, way out of order. Some nights, we’d watch one episode with Doctor #3 (Jon Pertwee) followed by two episodes with Doctor #4. (Tom Baker) Other nights we’d watch Doctor #7 (Sylvester McCoy) travel through time and space with his companion, Ace.
When I was 5, not yet 6, I went to the school library one day, and discovered this book, sitting on a tall shelf that nobody went near.
Who would believe it? It’s not an educational book, so how did it end up here?
What’s more is that NOBODY at the school had EVER heard of Doctor Who before! But somehow they had acquired this book.
The book was written in 1986, so it’s as old as I am. It’s an alphabetized list of companions the Doctor had (up through Mel) with notes written by the late John Nathan Turner, who worked on Doctor Who from the late 1960’s until 1989, and from there appeared for many other Doctor Who related projects until his death in 2001.
Every week, I would check this book out, along with 2-5 other books. Nobody else wanted that book, so I never saw the harm in it.
Too bad the librarian did.
Every week, I would be bitched out by the librarian and school faculty ~ many of whom I did NOT know personally ~ because they were sick of me checking out the same book.
Mama would have to come to my defense every week, proving with book reports and photos that I WASN’T just reading “that book” but many others as well. In fact, I would re-read the book after my homework, as a present to myself.
“Koriander needs to stop hogging that book so the other children can borrow it!”
The 9th time I heard that lame excuse, I brought over all of my classmates, my bullies, and even children from other classes. Each boy and girl told the truth. They didn’t know anything about Doctor Who, didn’t want to know anything, were sick of me even bringing it up, and furthermore they did NOT want that book.
“Koriander needs to broaden her horizons! She can’t ONLY read about Doctor Who.”
After my verbal report on the beheading of Marie Antoinette ~ complete with a scaled model re-enactment involving a Barbie doll and a working guillotine I had made out of popsicle sticks, this myth of me being closed-minded was busted.
I was doing extra schoolwork, which actually pissed off the school board. They threatened to hold me back a year, just because I was “showing them up”.
I was being punished for being a studious child, and liking a book they didn’t want me to have. Finally, they banned me from the library all together. Yes, they banished a child from learning. Way to go Kenwood in Hammond, Indiana! Ignorance really is bliss, ain’t it?
In 1993 I moved to Virginia Beach. There, I was sent to Glenwood.
I was depressed, almost 1000 miles away from family, in a climate I wasn’t used to, I felt that every day was a living hell…
Until I went to the school library…
And found…
THAT book!!
I couldn’t believe my eyes. There in the non-fiction section was this book once more. I resumed checking it out, weekly.
UNTIL!!!!
A very snarky and RUDE librarian decided to make a bitter enemy out of me. She tried imposing limits on what I could check out, only allowing me that book if I checked out a certain number of titles. She didn’t believe that I could even finish more than 5 a week.
So I checked out 15 chapter books.
THEN that book.
THEN wrote 15 short reports on what each book was about.
She was livid, accusing me of plagiarism, Cliff Notes and lying.
I presented her with photos of me doing 15 books worth of homework.
I then stuck my tongue out.
And was sent to the principal’s office for insubordination.
Again, Mama came to my defense on a weekly basis, fighting for my right to read whatever I wanted. How could it be that yet ANOTHER school was trying to keep her kid from gaining an education, just because of one damn book??
And again, when the topic of “other children” came up, I had grades K-8 come to my defense, telling the librarian and the faculty that they did not care about or want to check out that book. EVER. Under ANY pretenses.
Fast forward to the Spring of 1994.
I had accidently spilled bubble solution on the book.
Fearing the worst, I ran to my mother, crying.
She herself being a former librarian, took the book aside and got the bubble suds out. Miraculously, it was now CLEANER than it had been before! And not one word or picture damaged.
The school librarian STILL pitched a fit, charging my mother $14 for the damage.
“But the book is cleaner now than it was BEFORE Kori had it!”
“You still owe us for her damage.”
“How about I buy the book outright, and get you a replacement?”
“NO!! You’re trying to bribe me. You need to make restitution!!”
“… WTF do you think that is??”
The librarian wouldn’t budge.
Within a few weeks, I was BANNED from that library too, with the librarian even LAUGHING in my face about it! “HA HA Just TRY and get the book NOW! Serves you right.”
Serves me right? For WHAT? Enjoying a good book? Doing my schoolwork? You BAN a child for this? Fuck you!
It was one of several times I was not sorry to be sent to the principal’s office. For the record, Mama actually agreed with my colorful statement.
So for the remainder of my time in Virginia, she took me to the Virginia Public Library… which had THAT and one other Doctor Who book!
And that team of librarians never cared how many times I checked it out.
But alas, I soon departed for New Jersey, and wouldn’t see any copy of that book again…
For years, I tried to find another copy, even tried unsuccessfully to buy out the copies my old schools had, but nobody wanted to give it up. EBay searches came up empty, and even the vast internet couldn’t grant me any more knowledge of that book.
… Until last week.
While filling out my birthday wish list, I stumbled upon the book by mistake. At first, the book was out of my price range, but the seller ~ without my ever contacting ~ dropped the price! For $12.56, the long search was over.
Which takes me back to Tuesday, when I unwrapped the book.
It smells just the same as before. That same sweet and woodsy smell, reminiscent of bubble suds. (I checked, this isn’t a school’s book. It’s fresh.)
A first edition from 1986, the same year this fire tiger was born.
I went to the comic book store today, hoping to find Sailormoon and Codename Sailor V. The new books are due out this week, and I’m anxious to see them. My brother just wanted the latest Sonic and Mega Man comics from Archie. This sounds like a simple day, right?
Well if you’ve been reading my blogs to this point, then you already know that simple doesn’t always happen to me.
No sooner did I start my ill-fated search for my favorite manga, did Mama get an emergency phone-call from my dad. Did I mention that I’m happy they are separated? I should say that. So she dashes out of the store, leaving my brother and I to wonder about for a bit.
To my dismay, not only don’t they have Sailormoon and Sailor V, they’re downsizing the manga section at the Amazing Fantasy, chucking most of the titles that are interesting, (I.E. No more Gen 13, Tick, Manga University, Single issues of Darkstalkers or Pre-Current-52 DC, which is NOT the same as the last 52 that fucked up the continuity of Starfire’s storyline between her escape & meeting Dick Grayson) can’t seem to order more than 3 issues of Sonic or Mega Man if their lives depended upon it, refuse to carry ANY trading card that isn’t Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh or Little Monsters, and they won’t order ANY Starfire merchandise under $40, apparently. Suddenly, Amazon.com is looking REALLY good.
But fortunately, they still carry Tom Strong… from months ago. In fact hardly any of the shelves have a NEW issue of anything, save but for DC’s NEW 52 and a few kiddie comics. This is not a good sign, but screw it, Tesla and Val FINALLY got married and she’s pregnant (as of January’s issue) so I’m happy.
Well now that my comic questions have been answered, in comes my mother, looking very tense. “What happened?” I say with a droll tone, knowing I’m about to hear something absolutely stupid.
… And I’m right.
“Well I left your father in the emergency room” is how the conversation starts.
Hmm. No job, no insurance, we’re off to a GREAT start, folks! “Okay what happened?” I reply. “Well remember when I bought him that electric lawn mower after we moved?”
I know what you’re thinking. Because I thought the same thing. That somehow this dolt had managed to chop off an appendage or two. I remember telling my mother NOT to let him have ANYTHING more dangerous than a push-mower, and I even made my brother stand witness as I declared that handing him anything with a motor would only cause chaos.
“No he didn’t chop anything off.”
“Ok what happened then?”
“Well he claims he needed the extension cord from the garage, and then another one.”
I know what you’re thinking. He could have electrocuted himself, fried himself, or run the lawnmower over one of the cords. He’s actually done the third thing before. No it isn’t any of those things either.
“He went into the garage to go get a cord. He had trouble getting around the big heavy boxes I told him not to stack one on top of the other.”
I know what you’re thinking. No nothing fell on him, and he did not crack his skull open. “So he finds the cord just out of reach, on a shelf.”
“Okay”
“And even though he’s the moron that put it up there, he can’t reach it.” “Okay…”
And then she says something highly unlikely. In fact it was so stupid, the man behind the counter dropped what he was doing, and asked if he had really heard this.
“So he tried to stand on top of a glass aquarium to go get it. The fucker snapped, and shards of glass went into his leg.”
………. He tried to stand… on a glass, fish-less aquarium, to obtain an electrical cord. I can’t make this up.
Now the aquarium had been left by the previous owner of my house. We’ve never had fish. It was left in the darkest corner of the attic, and this “genius” decided to move it to the garage, where he SWEARS he has “always” used it as a stool. “Glass is sturdy, why did it break under my weight?” He screamed to my mother.
So she took him to the hospital, and as they were removing one of several shards of glass, he spurted and passed out. He’s anemic. Great.
Now he has returned home, and is already goofing about his apartment. But needless to say this threw a monkey wrench into my Sunday.
Toonmakers... LIVES!!???
http://www.toonmakers.com/
And I'm sorry to say that they are PROUD of this video!
I cleaned this up myself. So now you can see how this cheap company bastardized my favorite anime... color corrected and in HD!
You'll note that they made Jupiter handicapped, Mercury Asian, Moon White, and Venus and Mars different ethnicities. Also, Luna and Artemis are the SAME cat, a female.
Who are Toonmakers? Well here's how they describe themselves:
"Toon Makers Inc. was founded in 1991 to provide superior quality Animation and Production Management for feature films, television, commercial productions and interactive games. Our client list includes Universal Studios, Fox, Disney, ABC, Turner Entertainment, Warner Brothers, Film Roman, Saban, Colgate, Burger King and Bandai (USA) Toys.Our studio has contributed animation and production management for the feature films "The Pagemaster," "Once Upon a Forest," Tom and Jerry the Movie," "Fern Gully" and "Thumbelina." Television projects include "The Pink Panther," "Fievel Goes West," "Back to the Future," "The Adventures of Oliver Twist," "Spy Dogs," " Flint the Time Detective," Bad Dog" and "Mon Colle Knights" among others.Toon Makers’ producers have overseen the production of over 200 half hours of animation for Fox Family, Fox Kids Network and ABC Family and our Development Team created and produced pilots for Bandai International (Sailor Moon) Levy-Mann (Itty Bitty Heartbeats) and Colgate Palmolive (Doctor Rabbit and the Adventures of Tooth Kingdom).Current projects in production include "Phantom of the Opera," The Ornament" "Dick Danger Space Mercenary" and "The Adventures of the Talking Crayons" as well as educational programming for Colgate International and The National Nutritional Network.Animation, Character Design, Illustrations, Writing, Music, Pitch Packaging and Branding are just a few of the services provide by Toon Makers. Our studio provides 2D/3D animation along with Digital Ink and Paint, Motion Capture, Live Action and Live Action/Animation Composite. Toon Makers will provide everything needed to take your animation or live action project from "Concept to Screen.""
And this is the Wikipedia entry about the video:
The Toon Makers Music VideoWhen Sailor Moon was up for bids by Toei to be produced in North America, Renaissance-Atlantic Entertainment, who worked closely with Bandai and Toon Makers, Inc., conceptualized their own version of the property, which was half live-action and half Western-style animation. Toon Makers produced a 17-minute proof of concept presentation video, as well as a two-minute music video, for this concept, which Renaissance-Atlantic presented to Toei. Toei ultimately rejected Renaissance-Atlantic's bid because the series as Renaissance-Atlantic and Toon Makers envisioned it would have cost significantly more than simply exporting and dubbing the original anime. The music video was exhibited at a panel at Anime Expo 1998 by Allen Hastings, then with NewTek, Inc., and met with scorn, ridicule, and derision. A convention attendee taped the music video off the screen and uploaded the footage, which includes an introduction by Hastings and brief comments by other convention attendees afterwards, to the Internet. The clip has since been copied numerous times and can currently be viewed on many streaming video sites. Because of the relatively poor quality of the source video and circulated footage, many anime fans believed that the music video was actually a leaked trailer for the now-inactive project instead of an exhibition of a promotion piece. Additional copies of the footage, with Hastings' intro excised, have since been uploaded to the Internet and served only to bolster the mistaken belief. Because Renaissance-Atlantic had previously been instrumental in Saban Entertainment's acquisition of Toei's Super Sentai series for reimagining as Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, people who viewed the music video mistakenly believed that Saban had actually created it and began to call it "Saban Moon." The Toon Makers music video has been called a worst-case scenario with regards to how Sailor Moon would have been presented in North America, in comparison to the original anime episodes that were eventually dubbed by DIC Entertainment and Cloverway Inc. and aired. Rocky Solotoff, Toon Makers' president and founder, wrote, directed, and produced the pilot episode of Renaissance-Atlantic's version of Sailor Moon, which to this day, has not been exhibited publicly.All five Guardian Senshi are depicted in the music video. Though Solotoff is legally prohibited from divulging much information regarding the Renaissance-Atlantic/Toon Makers version of Sailor Moon, he does reveal, in an interview with Animefringe magazine, the origin of the concept and music video, debunking many of the stories and speculations that had been connected to both. Details revealed in the interview include confirmation that both a white and black cat were planned to be in the series, although only a fluffy white cat is seen in the music video (according to the lyrics, this cat was meant to be Luna), and that each Senshi was written to be of a different nationality.Two curious remnants of Toon Makers' involvement with Sailor Moon remained after Renaissance-Atlantic shelved the project. The Renaissance-Atlantic series featured vehicles which did not appear in the original metaseries. One of these was the Moon Cycle, which Bandai manufactured a toy version of as part of the North American line of Sailor Moon toys. The Moon Cycle toy remains one of the more curious pieces of Sailor Moon merchandise produced for the North American market. More prominently, the Sailor Moon logo featured at the end of the music video was retained as the official North American Sailor Moon logo for the metaseries and all related programs and merchandising.
Let us never forget the horror... of Saban Moon.
The ONLY way to see Sailormoon is uncensored and as the series was originally made.
Survivor Series.
HBK in Bryan's corner.
Bret Hart in Tyson Kidd's corner.
Coming off the heels of the "Screwjob" DVD set coming out Oct. 28th.
Book it.
Well you know I’m having the King of all Shitty days… when even my dad tries to reconcile with me. O_O Wait what the hell did I say??
Now let me start by saying that GSF, CitiMortgage and Nationstar are the WORST MORTGAGE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!!
My parents bought a home in 2007. The loan came from GSF, who promptly sent the mortgage off to Citi, shortly after the ink was dry on the home papers.
Now this followed almost a YEAR’S worth of house hunting, via GSF’s chosen realty ~ McColly. GSF refused to let my parents choose anyone else, AND the money they were allotted was ONLY to be used for “specific kinds” of homes. If ever a lender tells you this, walk away. This is a SCAM ALERT.
So after almost a year, we find the home I’ve been living in. We’re told that it’s in great shape, built in 1915, quaint little farm house.
This is warning #2 ~ Let me clarify words you need to stay the fuck away from when house hunting:
Quaint/Cute/Charming/Cozy ~ This is Realty code for “small, in need of assloads of repair”.
Fixer-upper ~ This is code for “Health code violation, bulldoze immediately”
As-is ~ This is code for “Tow’ up from da flow’ up”
Needs TLC ~ This is code for “one wall is primarily mold and there’s water damage in places I bet you wouldn’t guess”.
Farm House ~ Unless you can visibly see cows and chickens in the backyard, this is code for PEST PROBLEMS. And NO seeing cornstalks doesn’t count, as this is the Midwest, and even if it was hypothetically the south of Alaska, corn seeds are dirt cheap at your local Wal*Mart. If you don’t see livestock IT AIN’T A FARM HOUSE!!
So guess what my parents bought? Yep, you guessed it. A three-story, Old fashioned, As is, Quaint, cute, charming, cozy, Fixer-upper Farm House in need of TLC. I slap myself in the face every morning for ever liking this place. I really do.
Oh even better? My parents wanted 2 fireplaces, and for a home to be in an area devoid of schools and children.
We have NO fireplaces, a pool that needs to be torn down, 15 schools and a buttload of kids on the block. Oh and it’s a corner house, and the former owner had TWO people slam into the front of it, which is why there is a make-shift porch. Isn’t this lovely? And 3 fireworks stores, with a fourth one built just a mile from here. Ah sweet! >_O Grr…
My parents were told in front of me, that their mortgage would be between $8-900. Cheaper than Illinois rent I tell you! Guess what? As soon as we started moving the first boxes in, payments ballooned up to over $1000 a month.
Now when things started going straight for the shitter financially, after both my folks lost their jobs, Citi offered to ship the debt to the end of the 40 year mortgage, and then just start working on the next year’s payments. Mama was put on a payment plan. “Everything’s fine” we were told.
Guess what? Citi sold the mortgage to Nationstar!
Nationstar refuses to honor the payment plan agreement. But they offered to put Mama on a new payment plan. “Don’t worry about it. Everything’s fine. Just send us an assload of paperwork for the next 6 months, and we’ll pretend we never got it, and blame our stupidity on you.”
So Mama thought we could refinance the place. They paid $126,900 for it via the GSF loan, but the house is actually worth $90,000. We just had it re-assessed. So she begins the paperwork with Nationstar to work out a new deal.
In the mail this past Saturday, as I’m getting shit ready to go to downstate to see my dad’s family, we get some letters from the post man.
The Sherriff is promising foreclosure.
There was some mindless yelling, and then I went in search of help for my folks. This is what I found:
And that’s not all! A search via www.ripoffreport.com pulls up dozens more complaints with the EXACT SAME STORY as my parents!
So Nationstar is a known predatory lender, who buy up mortgages, force Americans out of their homes, and then try to turn a profit. The company almost went belly-up in 2007, and since then, they have had a rotating roster of people for a majority of their executive heads. Another search via www.simplyhired.com turns up some surprising job openings for their Texas main offices. The turnover rate is astounding.
After pulling up several hours worth of information, I shared all of it with my folks. The news was enough that my father… actually tried to make amends with me. “You know I never really wanted you to deal with this. I hope you know I do care about you.”
O_O My first thought was “Oh no… am I having a stroke? I think I’m hallucinating.” “And I do want better for you.”
Hmm… I can still feel my left side. I’m not foaming at the mouth yet, am I??
“And I feel bad that we don’t really talk at all.”
I haven’t passed out yet. Maybe he’s the one having a stroke?
“I just hope you know.. I love you.”
No, his left side is still working. His jaw hasn’t clenched up. And *sniff sniff* he’s sober?? Wait, where’s the hidden camera?
“I wish we could work out why you feel the need to hate me.”
Okay, backhanded comment. Maybe I’m not dying… or crazy.
Now everything is still up in the air. I don’t know if we can save the house and at this point, my parents really want to move. I’m not sure what’s available right now, but things are pretty tight. And the housing market isn’t looking very bright up here.
If you’re in need of a cartoonist that can also build websites, hit me up. I desperately need some paying work and FAST.
Okay, I'd like to update my fellow Sailormoon fans on something.
Now the last two weeks of April, you might see a few site issues. My HostMonster bill is looming closer, and they just shaved off around 8 days from my service. >_O I'm really pissed at them for this ~ BUT ~ they still offer everything I need/want for Moon Sisters AND a great Cpanel too, so I guess I'll take the good with the bad.
BUT!! After this mess gets straightened out, I have a few new things I want to add to Moon Sisters. While I'm keeping most of it QUIET for now, I would like to tell you guys that I'm adding something you've all begged me for for the last 6 years.
A fanfiction page!
Now before I get this off the ground, I need STORIES. I'm opening TWO pages for this, one for all ages, and one for 18+.
18+ does NOT mean porn. But it is for stories that contain cursing and adult themes.
Here's the Criteria for the fanfics, if you'd like to submit any:
Criteria for All Ages Fanfics:
Email your fanfic & pics to CodenameSailorEarth@gmail.com
1. NO cursing, nothing worse then Heck, darn or Dang.
2. NO sexual or genitalia references, not even words like “underwear” or “butt”.
3. Violence kept to a TVY7 limit
4. Death kept to Toei standard.
5. PLEASE have a happy ending!
6. NO drama
7. PLEASE include your name/pen-name
Okay, this is the Criteria for 18+ stories:
Criteria for 18+ Fanfics:
Email your fanfic & pics to CodenameSailorEarth@gmail.com
1. No rape.
2. No Blasphemy (using the term “God” along with a swear word.)
3. No tentacle stories. (You know who your are.)
4. No abortions/miscarriages (Though I am pro-choice)
5. PLEASE have a happy ending!
6. Keep Drama to a minimum.
7. Swear all you like!
PLEASE include your name/pen-name
There. I hope I was clear. Fan created characters are also accepted.
ALSO!! If you have pics or videos that go along with your story, PLEASE email them too! You can be as creative as you like. Hell I might be finishing a story or two too. ^_~
I might be opening two new pages as well. One will be for my cartooning, the other is a secret project I've been working on for the last 5 months.
Long before there were loud, flamboyant, pretty boy characters like Miz, Larry Zbyszko, Larry Sweeney, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair and the late Rick Rude, there was Gorgeous George, a man who set the tone for outrageous characters, and inspired a nation.
Born George Raymond Wagner on March 24, 1915 in Butte, Nebraska, George would move around a lot as a child, with his parents. Starting near a farm in Nebraska, he would travel to Waterloo, Iowa, Sioux City, and finally Houston, Texas by the young age of 7. He grew up in a tough neighborhood, full of bullies and seedy townsfolk, but he was able to make friends, and as a boy, he would train at the YMCA and stage matches with his friends. In today’s world, this would be considered amateur or backyard wrestling, but this was a day and age in which nobody would think about it. In 1929, a 14 year old George Wagner dropped out of high school, and took on many odd jobs, to support his family.
A born wrestling prodigy, Wagner started wrestling at carnivals. His biggest paychecks were only ¢.35. Just enough for half a sandwich at the local deli, during the Great Depression.
One of the top regional promoters ~ Morris Siegel ~ began booking the boy wonder all over the place. By the age of 17, Wagner was becoming a star. How ever it wasn’t until 1938 that the 5’9, 215 pound star, won his first title (The Northwest Middleweight title) from Buck Lipscomb. On May 19, 1939 he would take the Pacific Coast Light Heavyweight Championship as well.
At 5’9 even at his best, Wagner was considered to be too small to be an imposing threat to any of the wrestlers he faced. Most people underestimated his prowess in the ring, and his wins were considered to be flukes. But Wagner never let it bother him, and he carried on.
Before the close of the 1930’s, Wagner met Betty Hanson, and soon he would marry her, in the ring. The real in-ring ceremony brought a HUGE crowd, and tons of publicity, and was such a hit that promoters through to today, still copy the lush festivities, every so often.
Around the same time that Betty was getting used to having “Mrs.” Precede her name, George would find for himself a copy of the latest issue of Vanity Magazine. In this issue was an article about another wrestler named Lord Patrick Lansdowne, a flamboyantly robed wrestler, who would have two females escort him to the ring. The proverbial light bulb went off in George’s head, and he decided to re-invent himself in a flashy style.
How Gorgeous George came about is a story with many variants, but this is the most commonly accepted tale, as it’s been posted on several wrestling sites and Wikipedia: “In Portland, Oregon Elizabeth “Betty” née Hanson, George’s wife, told Dean Higginbotham, the nephew of Betty's sister, Evangeline “Eva,” how George got the name Gorgeous George. In the early 1940s George had a wrestling match at the Portland Oregon Armory. As he walked down the aisle to the ring, there were two mature women on his right, two rows back from the ring. One of the women loudly exclaimed: “Oh, isn’t he gorgeous.” That word “gorgeous” struck George and he immediately felt he had found his new professional persona. He would be “Gorgeous George.” Elsie Hanson, Betty’s mother, was a skilled seamstress. George asked Elsie to make him some resplendent capes that would accentuate his new persona. George wore those capes in all his future matches.” A legend was born.
The glamorous “Gorgeous George” debuted in 1941 in Eugene, Oregon. Fans despised the pretty boy, and were quick to root for his opponent.
George soon found himself in Los Angeles, where promoter Johnny Doyle helped George fine tune his character. George grew his locks long, dyed them platinum blonde, placed spray-painted golden bobby pins in his hair (George pins as they were later called), and dubbed himself “The Human Orchid”. He would also be the world’s first wrestler to have his own entrance music, which was the tune “Pomp and Circumstance” later adopted by “Macho Man” Randy Savage several decades later. George would also bring a valet, and would enter the ring with a lavishly decorated robe, complete with sequins. He had his own red carpet, rolled out by another valet, Jeffries, who would also adorn the ringside area with fresh rose petals, and would place a mirror in front of George, so he could check himself. George often had a soft, purple light, which shone over the ring, and though you can’t tell by the black and white footage, many of his robes were bright pink, though he had a robe for every color of the rainbow.
Another thing that would annoy fans sitting at ringside, was Jeffries insistence upon disinfecting George and everything at ringside with Chanel #5. Though later it was changed to Chanel #10. “Why be half safe?” mused the colorful heel.
“Win if you can, lose if you must, but always CHEAT” was George’s motto, which he lived by to the extreme. George would always find a way to sneak in weapons of all kinds, long before it was considered the norm to fight in such an extreme way. Referees were often met with a loud “GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME!!” from a frantic George, every time a boot was patted.
George would wrestle and dance his way through fights, pissing off wrestlers and fans alike. And once television became the top medium for wrestling, George stole the spotlight. While fans would threaten and even try to attack George outside of the ring, the media moguls of the day were praising the loudmouthed heel, and soon George was a Superstar, with his image on the cover of every magazine in America. The more loud and obnoxious he was, the more Hollywood listened.
By the time he had made his official televised debut on November 11, 1947, George had perfected his wrestling ability. He was not just a gimmicked, sports-entertainer, he was also a gifted wrestler, who was still picking up new moves in his prime. Over the next few years, George traveled to the AWA, NWA and many other promotions, where he would wrestle such names as Lou Thez, Enrique Torres and George’s soon to be arch nemesis, Whipper Billy Watson. Celebrity comedian Bob Hope even donated several designer chic robes to George, as his star continued to rise. When wrestling was once again allowed at Madison Square Garden, after a 12 year exile one cold night on February 22, 1949, George was the main star. Within a year’s time from that event, George’s star power garnered him an unheard of $100,000 a year salary. George was not just the world’s top heel, he was the best paid, most expensive wrestler in the world. No other wrestler at that time had ever made even a quarter of what George would make off of ONE show.
George’s personal life however, was not without it’s pitfalls. George and Betty would adopt two children, and in 1946 George sired (actual birth name) Gorgeous George Jr. with his longtime mistress, Victoria. George and Betty later divorced, and in 1951 he married his second wife, Ms. Cherie Dupré, who later bore him a son, Gary. George would also battle a drinking problem, but this was mostly kept out of the public’s eye.
George would carry on an amazing career, until March 12, 1959, where luck began to run out on the still highly acclaimed heel. For it was on this night that George would lose his locks in a hair vs. hair match, against longtime rival Whipper Billy Watson. 20,000 wrestling fans eagerly showed up EARLY to the Toronto Maple Leaf Garden, many armed with cameras, giddy to see the world’s loudest heel, obtain his comeuppance. George left the arena in tears, humbled and shamed, as magazines began to put the match to print.
Even as his time in the ring was drawing to a close, George carried on into the early 1960’s, wrestling a new crop of rookies. One such rookie, by the name of Bruno Sammartino, scored a well loved victory over George, and later George would lose his locks in a hair vs. mask match, against The Destroyer, on November 7, 1962. Sadly, this would be George’s last match.
That same year, George was diagnosed with a liver disorder, brought about by drinking and some of the more risky moves George had done over the span of his career. Doctor’s prescription? Stop wrestling, and slow down the drinking.
Wagner had his own restaurant (Gorgeous George’s Ringside Restaurant) and turkey ranch, which cost him $250,000, but this and many other investments fell through, and the once expensive wrestler was soon back down to the bare minimum of finances he had started with in his early teens.
On Christmas Eve, 1963, Gorgeous George suffered a heart attack. Two days later, he passed away, leaving behind an impressive legacy, and four children who missed him greatly. George was only 48 years old. His children left a plaque by his grave, which reads “Love to our Daddy, Gorgeous George”.
Over the course of the next several years, many celebrities came out of the woodwork, praising George for inspiring them. Such stars as James Brown, Muhammad Ali and Bob Dylan, would all credit George’s flashy style, for their own acts. Movies such as “The One and Only” were loosely based on his epic heeldom, and in 1951, Warner Brothers parodied him in the Bugs Bunny short “Bunny Hugged” as a tiny, blonde pretty boy who gets decimated by The Crusher.
In 2010, George’s first wife Betty inducted him into the WWE Hall of Fame. Despite the divorce and all that had happened, it was clear that she still holds a huge spot in her heart for Mr. Wagner, and she spoke quite well of him.
Though most of his matches have not been televised in 48 years, Gorgeous George’s image still lives on in many heels today, and certainly we have him to thank for the great lengths many wrestlers and their promotions go through, to create the biggest and most memorable entrances possible. But few can outshine the Human Orchid, Gorgeous George.
