Friday, December 16, 2011

Facekindle

(I apologize for the following. This won't be an insightful blog. Instead it's a collection of feelings I have right now.)

My 4 YouTube channels look like comment-less boxes, my Facebook is acting up, my Blogger just tried to send me to an ugly format, my Gmail is written in Arabic and MySpace is well... Myspace.

When I started getting comfortable with social networking in 2009, things were pretty grand. I made a ton of friends, got to share things, it was easy. Some days I wish I could have stopped time back then, just to revel in it a bit. I think April 09 was one of my better months, minus a rejection letter from PWI.

Now I have to watch what I post, or the copyright Nazis will pull ANOTHER video off of YouTube. I have hackers and spammers to contend with, hate sites about me, and an overstuffed inbox full of messages from people, asking me every 20 seconds why I won't update them with details about my last status update.

That last part is starting to worry me. Look, I spend enough time online as is. I DON'T need to email each of you a 20 page essay on why I tweeted "Watching Inside Edition. Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan are gonna be on again!". You don't need to know what I'm doing 100% of the time. Also, odds are good that if I've posted "Facebook is glitching on my emails" guess what... guess what? That means I CAN'T respond to you, so fucking forgive me if I instead spend my time commenting on the statuses of everyone else I know, because seemingly that's all Facebook will allow me to do! Fuck, this thing won't even let me play the games I like without crashing my browser, and I am NOT going to risk another hack for Zynga. So please, instead of jamming my inbox with rude emails like "I need to know what's going on stop ignoring me" how about you get off the computer, and go get help. Lord knows Facebook ain't gonna let you do anything else. (That goes for a few YouTubers too.)

I've been made subject to glitches and freezes and slow to load interfaces. Whatever happened to regular sites?

If I could drill into Mark Zukerberg, MySpace Tom and the Google Group just ONE clear message, and have it stick for the remainder of time, it would be the phrase "If it ain't broke, DON'T fix it". I'd even tattoo it into their pupils, so that the saying would be the only thing they see for all time.

I can understand that SOME change is good. Sometimes things need to grow, as a seed becomes a flower.

But most of these changes do not EVER need to happen, and just serve to frustrate and annoy me. For example, can you see how many words I've typed out in capital letters? Yeah, they're written LIKE THIS not because I'm trying to express myself, but because Blogger just took away my damned BOLD FONT option! And my italics and my TeXt SiZe, so forgive me if this looks like it was written by a luney tune. Luney? Ah I see. Blogger has also disabled my sepil check. Greaaaaat. Would you belive I typed this on Chrome? Yeah, they broke that too.

I don't need a website riddled with Flash and Java, I need pages that fucking WORK. All the time, without censoring me!

Why is it ok for hate videos to be posted about me online, but if I post a Sailormoon clip I'm some sort of evil degenerate?

I'd also like a blog poster that doesn't re-write my coding either. I don't need a Google re-direct URL stapled to every link I post, I need a page that will let me just fucking post the links I want as is. Is this really so hard?

Email accounts that function, a social network that won't sell my information or bombard my family with captchas. none of these things are hard to code.

If I could ask Santa for something unselfishly, one of those "World Peace" kind of things, i'd wish for an internet that works.

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