Thursday, July 14, 2011

#DearWWEFans

Do you THINK you like wrestling? Good, then pay attention.

I just read the 99th tale of idiot MARKS trying to jump on the #DearVince bandwagon and pressure WWE into signing yet ANOTHER wrestler they don’t deserve.

Now before you write me off as a “dumb woman who doesn’t understand business” let me explain where I’m coming from.

Do ANY of you “men” remember when you bitched to WWE that they should take back Bryan Danielson? And I told you guys “NO” ? Hmm? Remember that?

“Oh Kori!” I was told. “He’ll make TWICE as much money in WWE than he EVER will on the indies. Why indies are small league. Don’t you know that WWE is the ONLY wrestling thing in the world you need to be a part of? Stupid Kori whose not in the business. Why I know things and I KNOW people…” Oh you all sound SO reassuring. “Why Bryan will be taken care of, why Bryan is safe in WWE. They’ll take GOOD care of him.” *pat on head* “Silly Kori… Bryan will make millions of dollars just for showing up!”

Really guys? Ah this is what BRYAN DANIELSON said on Twitter this past Spring:




If ANY of you have EVER talked TO (not AT) Bryan in your entire life, then you would know already that Bryan, Spanky (Brian Kendrick) and Paul London NEVER ~ and I stress this ~ EVER touch Ramen… unless something is financially WRONG in their lives. (And trust me, I’m starring homelessness in the face right now, I KNOW from Ramen.)

One more time, if Bryan is eating Ramen then he’s NOT being paid what WWE.com told you he was!

And what of his concussion right after WrestleMania? You know, the event you were all TOLD he would be wrestling mid card for… and ended up being bitchslapped by Khali ~ out of the ring ~ in a DARK MATCH??
How about last week? Hmm?? Where Sheamus thwapped him in the ribs with a chair for NO apparent reason?? And how about all the times recently where Cody Rhodes has bonked Bryan in the head with his plastic mask? Oh yeah, WWE is sure taking “good” care of Bryan, ain’t they? Where IS Bryan?

Low cards of SmackDown. In Chris Nowinski’s old gear.

What the fuck did this poor man do to deserve this??

And don’t bother telling me “HEY! At least he’s on TV still..” Because that is a weak-assed excuse. And you KNOW this, man!

Y’all bitched louder than I did when Christian got screwed out of the belt! If I had bombarded your Twitter with “Hey, at least he’s on TV…” you would have told me what a jackass WWE MARK I sound like. And you’d be damn right if I did!

“Well stop watching then if you don’t like it!” Like C.M. “I’se leaving you bitchaz” Punk said “THAT’S THE PROBLEM, VINCE!!”




Like Punk, I care too much about WRESTLING and WRESTLERS that when I see dumb shit happening, I must call them out on it.

“So why don’t you do that with Indies? You’re biased!”

Really? Is that your catchy comeback? Let me tell you that while the Indies lack the pretty-princess pyro you jack off to every week, they make up for it in WRESTLING. Go fucking figure! Companies giving WRESTLING fans WRESTLING matches?? Outrageous!!

Hey Mr. WWE fan, Remember Scotty Goldman? Remember Colt Cabana being stuck in developmental for 2 years before jobbing out to Umaga? (May Umaga rest in peace.) I remember that shit! Remember Colt posting on MySpace that proceeds from his first shirt went to the “Please-help-Colt-Cabana-Pay-His-Rent-Because-WWE-Didn’t-Actually-Pay-Him-Shit” fund? If you honest to God think he was joking, you have NEVER KNOWN COLT!!

Now ask yourselves this. Why did Carlito quit? Chavo Guerrero? MVP? Tommy Dreamer? Jeff Hardy? Why are there so many HAPPY wrestlers when they leave WWE?
Id understand if you said “Oh Kori, Jeff Hardy was STUPID and probably a druggie. He’s stupid dumb for leaving WWE where he was on t-shirts and famous.” Ok fine, I’d get it if it was ONE wrestler.

… But ALL of them? There can’t be THIS MANY “stupid meat-heads” people. Something has been wrong in the WWE for years.

Still don’t believe me? Then ask Brock Lesnar.

Lil’ Mr. Brockie-poo-poo ran away from a guaranteed MILLION dollar contract. He’s probably the only wrestler in the history of the post-Hogan WWE to ever make more money in a single year than The Undertaker or HHH. Dude took his own plane to work! PLANE!! While other wrestlers are scooched in tight in their rental cars with 4 other people, Brock was able to park a damn jet! The dude was LOOOOOOADED.

… And he QUIT!

Now I heard some pretty tall tales after WrestleMania 20. “Brock is stupid” “Brock wants to retire early” “Brock doesn’t wanna fight anymore”.

Since then, he had a brief football career, wrestled in Japan, and is now one of the biggest names in UFC history. Dude is rich, but STILL WORKING!!

So think about it. If he’s still fighting, still working, still making money, why did he BEG to leave WWE?

Don’t you think there was a valid reason? I do!

Who left with him? Bill Goldberg. Money jokes aside, there has to be a reason why he quit too.

Let’s face reality here. WWE stocks are in the toilet. WWE ratings are dropping. Raw has had TWO straight weeks at the “2” level in ratings. SOME people have told me “But Kori, SmackDown’s 1.6 means that there’s STILL around 4 million people watching it. That’s a GOOD thing.”

The Chicago metropolitan area alone has 9 million people living in it right now. 9 million.

SmackDown has 4 million watching every week.

DO THE MATH PEOPLE!!

That means that SmackDown would have to gain an extra .5 million people to claim they have HALF of Chicago watching. That’s HALF people, HALF. HALF of one city in the United States.

That s NOT even a full state!

The point is this. DON’T write me off just because I’m NOT you, and STOP sucking up to every dirt sheet you read. Wake up and smell the roses.

Something is WRONG with the WWE right now.

And Vince don’t care.

Hash-tag all you want.
Vince thinks he can tell you what YOU want to see. And if you don’t like it, then you’re the problem, not him.

That’s why the stocks are low.

And the ratings.

And the merchandise sales.

So take off those rose-colored glasses, put down your Kool-Aid and pay attention.

It’s about to get real…

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